I've been feeling down again.
Just when I think I'm getting back to the fun-loving girl I used to be, something always happens which pulls me back into the darkness.
I decided I should learn to salsa dance, not only to keep fit but to overcome my depression.
It started well, I really loved learning the dance and I was okay with meeting new people, even though I only said hello to them.
I was having a laugh, especially when I was paired up with this really tall 6ft+ man. I must say here I'm only 4ft 7!!
It must have looked funny to the others, seeing us two trying to do these steps while trying to stay in hold!
Then, 3 weeks ago all my fears about myself came back when I happened to notice the instructor and some others looking in the direction of my pouch. I know, I know they might not have been looking there and it's all in my mind. After a long chat with my family and friends, my fears subsided and I thought to myself, "So what if they can see anything? You've got to enjoy life, girl!!"
I went back and I was enjoying myself until I noticed people looking in the same direction as my bag again. I stopped dancing, laughing, and enjoying myself, and that time I actually left the dance floor.
I didn't go last weekend. I have been suffering from a cold, which I was thankful for as I got out of going.
I haven't told any of my family and friends about my feelings this time. I don't know why I'm just dwelling on it by myself, actually I do. I don't want my family and friends to give me another stern talking to.
I don't feel comfortable about going anymore, but I love going and don't want to let my friends who I go with down.
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