Hilarious and Embarrassing Hospital Experiences

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Share your funny and cringe-worthy hospital moments related to your ostomy, and find support and laughter from others who can relate.
kirstyleannewalker25

Well, I am new to this site and thought I'd give this blogging a go.

Over the past six years, I have been in the hospital more times than I can remember, which is so depressing at 25. What's even worse is why do they always put you on wards with really old people? One incident always sticks in my mind: at 4 am, I go to the toilet, come back, and two elderly ladies are swapping bras across from my bed. All I can think is, "Please don't come over to me, I ain't swapping my knickers with anyone."

Then I was constantly in for colonoscopies, which is bad in itself (trust me, knee-high boots and hospital gowns don't go). The first one on my 21st birthday, so feeling dead sorry for myself, then halfway through, the doctor opens the door and has a convo with someone in the hallway. But the worst bit for me is no matter how many I have, you can guarantee I will have the same convo with the doctors and nurse: "Excuse me, you have got to stop, I need the toilet." "No, it's just the air we're putting into you." "Well, don't blame me if I poo on your hands, I told you" (Luckily, I never did).

Then, 4 weeks ago, I had Bertie, my ileostomy, join me. First of all, those paper knickers, what's the point? Although the nurse did tell me someone put them on their head thinking it was a hat, this made me laugh. Then put on an old people's ward yet again, if I mention X Factor, they would probably think it's a bomb from the First World War, but the nurses are great because they don't get many young ones on the ward. The worst part of my 9-day stay must be the surgeon telling me my bowel movement will be explosive. I didn't realize he was telling the truth. I go to the toilet, open the bag, and all of a sudden, it looks like a massacre, poo everywhere. I felt so embarrassed and guilty, I got the nurse in the toilet and said if she could get me on the floor, I would clean it myself. Glad she said no as I was still in agony, but didn't look at her face again.

The worst part of the story is I work in the hospital I had the surgery as a cleaner, so I saw all my co-workers even though I looked a state with tubes up my nose and in my arm, dreading seeing them again.

Rant over.

Kirsty xxx

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Xerxes

Kirsty,
It is a tough story, but I can tell by how you tell it that you have a great sense of humor. So, now your co-workers have seen the best of you and the worst of you, LOL. Hang in there, it does get better.

X_

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JohnNotKen

Story sounds all too familiar to me. I get put on wards with nothing but old people and I spent my 20th and 21st in hospital. Longest stay I've had was 12 weeks. A lot of the time doctors guess what's wrong with you and act like they know!!!

kirstyleannewalker25

At least we can laugh about it; otherwise, you would cry! To be fair, though, the majority of times I've been in, the nurses have made it bearable. Apart from the time the nurse asked me if I was going back to school, I was 24!!!!!

JohnNotKen

Hahaha

 
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pegmarston

I am 47 and felt like I was the youngest among the hall walkers. LOL! Gee, I cannot fathom how you felt. Doctors and nurses do not know everything, and as a patient, that is scary enough. Don't worry about your co-workers because you now know they can handle crap. LOL! Okay, trying to make you laugh. Hugs, sweetie.
Peg from PA

kirstyleannewalker25

Totally agree Peg, they are useless! Luckily I am a cleaner so I know my co-workers can definitely handle crap! By the way, you did make me laugh and it was great.

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