Having the courage to move forward in your life!

Hi, my name is Traci, and I have been an ostomate for 20 years now! Having Crohn's or having an ostomy seems to be less bothersome to me than the mental and emotional problems that sometimes go with it all. I have tried and done everything I know how to do to continue to participate in life, but the truth is... it's a battle... a fight that I seldom win! It affects all aspects of my life.... I have little motivation to do the simple things, and my relationships are suffering. I feel like I'm drowning, and my head is barely above water. I know that I suffer from depression, and it seems like after a while, they just stop working as effectively as they should. I do talk to my doctor about it... but nothing ever changes, and everything still stays the same. So since what I've been doing isn't working, it looks like I'm going to have to change to get to where I want to be, which is just happy in life!!!

I, by nature, have always been a nurturer. That is why I became a nurse and have devoted my time to helping others through their hard times. I've always been there for my friends and family to comfort them or listen to their problems. For as long as I can remember, I have always tried to save my best friend Sue and her twin sister from falling deeper into the pit of addiction. I have tried everything I know to keep Sue from falling back into the life of drugs and living on the streets. She has lost everything; she has 3 amazing children, a beautiful home, a car, you name it... she had it all. I had to watch as one by one the things in her life disappeared. I had already accepted the fact that one day she will hit rock bottom, and it will be death. We sometimes go months without a word from her as we both try to make sense of this crazy world... looking out from our bedroom window! Watching the world go by and missing so many wonderful things!

As a recovering addict myself, I found myself having to distance myself from her because I didn't have the tools to help her and myself at the same time. Worrying about her was starting to have an effect on my health. I had to give her my bottom line: the drugs or our friendship! I knew that drugs would always come first, so I said, "I would be there when you're ready to get sober, but as long as you are jabbing yourself with needles every day... I could no longer watch you die a slow and painful death." I prayed and I prayed every day for her to get well. I have also sent in hundreds of emails to A&E Interventions, hoping that they would pick her and she would have the proper tools to heal herself.

Then a week ago, the phone rang. It was a long-distance number, and at first, I wasn't even going to try to pick it up. But I'm so grateful that I did. On the other end, I heard someone crying, and I knew right away who it was. My first thought was she must be in trouble and needs money or a place to stay. I asked her what was wrong, and I was shocked... she had finally accepted help. A&E Intervention had flown into our small town of Windsor, Ontario, Canada, and did an intervention on Sue and her twin sister. I cried when she told me the story. I'm so proud of them both for taking this gift that their family and the TV show were offering to them. Sue is in Vancouver, Canada, and her sister is in Florida. So far, they both have been sober for one week today! I never would have thought it was possible! The TV show will be on sometime in April.

I have been thinking a lot in the last week about my life and what makes me happy. What changes in my life do I need to make to make myself happy? I need to be strong and have faith. So... I have decided to share my faith... I have become an ordained minister and plan to help others with the gifts that God has given me. I choose to fight for my life, a better life. I know my family thinks I'm crazy, but in my heart, I feel this is where I need to be in my life. I need to take chances and start enjoying life again! I have faith that things will get better for me, and I will open myself up to this wonderful world again, and this time I will be counting my blessings and staying strong and healthy, and I will find my place in this world again!!!

I have always been ashamed to tell people that I am depressed. I was always afraid of being judged by people. Addiction is not a pretty thing to see, and I have always carried around a shame thinking that it was my dirty little secret. Both Sue and I have found out the same lessons this week. It's okay to accept and ask for help; having a mental illness is not a death sentence and nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing ever changes... if nothing ever changes!!!! Today is the first day of the rest of my life... and I'm so excited to see where it takes me! ~Traci~

Wow, Traci.... Words escape me, sweet girl. Even in your personal pain, you've saved a life... It doesn't get any better than that!! Perfect example of your incredible value to this mortal world. I have no doubt that you will find the strength you need to tackle what this life throws at you, as you continue to earn your way to perfection in the next!! (Insert applause) In awe, BEG

Traci - I'm with BEG on this one... what an amazing story of pain, redemption, awareness, and turning your life into something even more blessed and positive than it has ever been! That takes guts, lady, and resilience, and determination, and all kinds of other adjectives that point in a positive direction! What you did for your friend was a hard, tough, and courageous thing... and all the while, while you were standing up to/for her, you were learning to stand up for you! Funny how life's lessons present themselves, sometimes. God bless you in your continued endeavors. Your post here has brought me much joy; and I rejoice in your newfound calling to ministry... you will offer perspective, forgiveness, empathy, and my favorite 4-letter word... hope! Darla

Thank you for your encouraging words. It's such a blessing to have found such wonderful people on this website. I truly have been blessed in so many ways!

Traci, hang in there and think positively. Have faith; doors will open for you. Wisdom is already yours. Brad

My Ostomy Journey: Jearlean | Hollister

You're an awesome person! Never forget that! Don't let anyone or anything bring you down; remember... it's all a state of mind. Choose to be happy when your mind says it's the end of the world. See things as they are; don't read between the lines and make them into something they're not. Stay positive, stay focused... and you can overcome anything! Depression included... Best wishes to you! ~Matt~

Thank you all for the reminder! Matt, thanks, you're a true friend!

You're a fantastic minister, Traci... Good luck with your new endeavors, and you're definitely not alone with what I just read. We all go through this stuff. Well, I will talk for myself: fall down, get back up. Good luck, Traci Mooza :)

God bless you, you sound like a person I would love to know and talk to more. You are a very awesome and special person. Best wishes for you, and I look forward to seeing more postings to help someone. Your friend, Sharon.

Whatever you can do to help others will make a difference, Trac. Remember Oscar Schindler: whoever saves one life saves the entire world. Make it count. PB