Do People with Ostomies Have a Distinct Look?

I went to my oncologist for a follow-up visit a couple of weeks ago, and he told me that I don't look like a person who has an ostomy. I asked him what he meant. He said that most of his patients that have ostomies have a certain look. Do we have a look of despair? A look that says, "Why did this happen to me?" Or do we just look crappy? I don't get it.

Hi Dh, that's a new one to me. I've had my ileo for 26 years and never heard of someone having a look of an ostomy. I wonder what that is?

I think your oncologist must have been having a bad day himself, lol. I've had mine a long time and never heard of that expression. Don't take it to heart, just be yourself. It's not easy living with an ostomy, and we don't always feel like going around with a fixed smile. Take care, Ambies.

DH, your oncologist was not limiting his comment to people with ostomies, but to his own patients with ostomies who are being treated for cancer. Did he tell you that these patients actually have a look of despair? I hope his perception is not a self-fulfilling prophecy. PB

Hi DH, There being a certain look to people with an ostomy is news to me too. At least he said that you don't have it, so it's a positive comment. I'd imagine it's all in his mind, a bit like whether a day feels like a Monday or a Saturday when obviously there is no difference to the physical properties of that day. He knows from the patient's notes that they have an ostomy, so he expects there to be some visible difference, which there is not. It would be good to challenge him to identify the ostomates from a group of people. I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

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Hello DH,Many years ago I heard a similar comment about people with piles except it was used as an in- 'joke'for GP's.It went something like this:In order to have a good bedside manner as a GP you really need to have piles - as this will give you that 'naturally' concerned look.Anyway it sounds as if you haven't got it. Best wishesBill

I don't believe you.

Hello Guygrand,I wasn't sure if the I don'y believe you! was a response to the original post or to mine. However, I will comment as if it was mine. I don't thing that the purpose of humour is to invoke belief or disbelief. I'm not very good at remembering jokes - partly because I think that most human humour is at the expense of someone.Putting the comment into the fuller version of the 'joke', it went something like this: A GP needs three things for a good bedside manner: Patience, empathy and piles. - The piles give you that naturally concerned look!It was given at an after-dinner speach so it probably wasn't meant to be 'believed'.Best wishesBill

Hey DH. I wish I had your oncologist. All the digital exams, the scopes, CTs, PTs, X-rays would've been avoided. I could've just walked in and asked, "What do you think I have?" Good luck and keep your good looks.
Mike

DH, hopefully there won't be another time, but if he asks or comments in such a manner again, ask to see his credentials! A Dr saying that? What a BUTT!!!!

Hello, I do believe your oncologist is or was having a bad day!!!!!!! I have never heard that someone looks like they are wearing a bag. Next time, ask him if he has his bag on and tell him he looks like it to you. He will probably shit his pants.

I've had mine for six years and aside from the first two, when I had surgery and chemo for a year, I haven't looked or acted sick and I don't think there is an ostomy look. That said, I did go to an ostomy support group during that time and did not like it. Granted, I have never really been the type for support groups (in person, online seems different), and never went back to that one because everyone had an air of defeat or bitterness about them. I suspect it was less the specific fact they all had a stoma than the fact that they all had something. Many people who know me do not know about my stoma and when I do decide to tell someone, they have been surprised. I don't think there is a look for someone with an ostomy. I think there is a look for someone with a medical condition, who uses it to define themselves - it comes out in their attitude.

What a load of rubbish some people talk. Sounds like a right idiot. I'd be in real trouble if that were true because I've kept mine secret over the years and nobody in the medical field has pointed a finger at me and said, "Yeah, you look like you have a..." I happen to think that most people with real medical problems are less moaning than those with none.

good gosh...all this is like looking sick and not looking sick. whatever that means too!!!