Sometimes my fallibility and humanness catch me unaware. Being chronically sick for so long was such a source of shame that at times I don't allow myself to feel. It is only when my body says 'enough' that my brain follows suit and recognizes it is time to stop.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes I will go back to my story and remind myself where I have come from and where I hope to go. It scares me to think of what I went through and how disconnected I can be from my body. I felt that my body betrayed me, so having an intimate relationship with something so cruel doesn't make sense.
Don't get me wrong; it's great 'doing life,' rushing from a to b and forgetting the pain and hardship I've experienced. Why dwell on a time in my life that was difficult? I never wanted to be seen as a victim, so it is hard to acknowledge that at times I was, and still am.
I tried hard to hide behind the mystique of 'being fine'... actually... 'better than fine' so at times I forget what it is like to not be fine, to not be okay... to be tired, to ache, and to feel sad.
Telling my story is a way for me to heal, and I hope help others heal. It is a way to connect with my body and allow my mind to wander.
There is a level of discomfort in being so open and vulnerable to the world, but I don't want to live in the shame that I felt being so sick, for so long, simply surviving with an ostomy. I am a survivor, but I am also a thriver (wow... that is actually harder than I thought it would be to say (today)).
I think I am not alone in struggling to be human. I imagine many others with an ostomy feel the same. I know others who suffer from chronic illness wake up some days and simply roll over and go back to sleep.
I also know it gets better. I guess that is why I am doing this. To connect to someone... out there... who has felt the same. Maybe commonality, a shared experience, will allow us both to heal. Maybe someone reading my struggles will recognize it is okay to have theirs. I felt so alone at times, so confused, so lost that I just wanted someone to reach out, take my hand in theirs, and never let go.
Take a moment with me. Place your right hand under your left armpit and place your left hand on your right shoulder. Breathe. In through the nose, hold for 5 seconds, and out through the mouth. As you breathe in, fill your lungs with a happy memory or thought. Hold that thought, then as you breathe out, push out a negative memory or thought. Hold/hug yourself in a blanket of self-compassion and love. Nurture yourself in this moment and remind yourself that you are human.
I may be wounded, but I am not broken.
Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?
First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,450 members. Get inside and you will see.
It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.
Many come here for advice or to give advice 🗣, others have found good friends 🤗, and there are also those who have found love 💓. Most of all, people are honest and truly care.
Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.
Create an account and you will be amazed.
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Are you a caregiver for a child with an ostomy? In the summer months, this can become more challenging, thanks to heat, humidity, water activities, and travel plans.
Learn more about caring for children with an ostomy on vacation.
Learn more about caring for children with an ostomy on vacation.