Navigating Life with Stomas and the Lack of Empathy

Jun 23, 2024 1:14 pm

Sitting here thinking about how it is for some of us who have stomas and other health issues.

It's very hard when you have no support or empathy. It seems people who are not going through what you go through tend to not understand.

People are turning evil and selfish. If it's not them, they don't care.

It's very sad, as me being a prior caretaker, I always had empathy and wanted to help and be there for others.

I'm finding it's a cruel world out there.

Morning glory
Jun 23, 2024 2:41 pm

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is indeed hard to struggle through the illness alone. We live in a self-absorbed world for sure. I am glad you're here; at least you can vent here with people that understand. Hugs

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Jun 23, 2024 4:21 pm
Reply to Morning glory

Ditto that!

Jun 23, 2024 4:54 pm

Since I've had major health issues from a young age, I'm very self-aware and take the time to be empathetic to those I meet or read about who are dealing with health issues. I think the rise of the internet and crass social media sites have made our world far less personal and caring. The excellence of MaO is that everyone who takes the time to post is in the same boat. And as such, can relate to the joy, hassle, and living with an ostomy.

Jun 23, 2024 8:53 pm

It can be a cruel world out there for sure, but there is still kindness and empathy to be found as well. Some days it just doesn't seem that way. I believe there are more good people in the world than bad. You just have to find kindness and empathy where you can, and for us ostomates, sometimes that might mean signing on to this site. We are all here for you.


How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
Jun 24, 2024 2:22 am
Reply to Morning glory

I am so glad to be here. If only I had found all of you years ago, but I finally made it. Thank you!

Jun 24, 2024 2:28 am
Reply to TerryLT

Agreed. Find kindness and empathy where you can.

The old saying was "It takes one to know one," sometimes said in the negative of conversation.

But we are the one, in this case of positivity.

Jun 24, 2024 11:59 am

G-Day Hibiscus, I don't know how many people are on this site, but I would guess 100% of them are here to help you any night or day to help you through a bad day. You can always call us by private message if you wish, but never let a bad day spoil things for you. Regards, IGGIE

ron in mich
Jun 24, 2024 1:50 pm

Hi all, I've found that I had to take care of myself first, and it hasn't always been that way. I would jump at the drop of a hat if someone needed help, whether friends or family members. But when I retired, I started saying no and started doing things I wanted to do. We have to be our own advocates and pick and choose who to help.

Jun 24, 2024 6:08 pm
Reply to ron in mich

It's more like I'm not really needing help at the moment, but I'm getting treated like my illness doesn't matter. For instance, my allergies. Someone in the home uses something that sets me off and says it doesn't bother me and continues using it.

I've been sick for a while, and I have friends saying you're depressed, put on makeup, go out. It's not depression, though. I'm diagnosed with serious medical issues. Not feeling sorry for myself, but just in awe that people have no empathy.

It looks like after I get up and on my feet, I need to make choices about who to kick out of my life and who I let in my life. Something that's been needing to be done for a long time. I want positivity. I'm so sick of this dark cloud that hovers due to who I let into my life.

I know some will say it's how you react, but these things are unacceptable that have been going on lately. I feel like I'm going it alone.

I'm chronically ill at the moment, so who feels like going out or putting on makeup? I'm struggling to just get by every day, listen to my body, and get well.

I mean, when they have a really bad cold or something that knocks them down, does anyone go out and put on makeup? No, those things will come for me when I get well.

Then there's the thing where people who do not have an ostomy try to tell me what to do with it. They have no clue.

I was just having a bad day when I posted. Like I said, people don't understand unless they go through it.

Jun 24, 2024 6:13 pm

Thank you to all who posted, giving me some support. Yes, there are good people here. I'm glad I have here to come to.

Jun 25, 2024 12:47 pm
Reply to Hisbiscus

Sometimes, it seems like we are our own best advocates - and...

Aren't we glad we are not the self-absorbed or blithely unaware individuals that so many tend to be...

Just know - as you do - that many of us care and also find at times we are really holding together by a thread - and just occasionally it's the straw of such a little thing that tends to be the overwhelming factor at the time of self-vulnerability.

Virtual Hug


All things must pass - and there is sunshine behind the clouds of challenge!



Jun 25, 2024 1:41 pm
Reply to Jayne

Thank you for those words of positivity.

Jun 30, 2024 4:42 pm

I think this was the hardest part of my journey. My closest family members showed absolutely no sympathy and literally made my life harder than it needed to be. At work, people had no sympathy and in fact went out of their way to make life hard.

But in the end, all of that was a gift. I cut every single person out of my life that could not give me the empathy I had so often shown them. I would have never done that if it hadn't been for this situation. It opened my eyes to the toxic people who surrounded me. By clearing them out, I made room in my life for better things, and better things certainly have come to me. I am now an enigma to most of the people who knew me as I find joy in everyday things and my life is better than it's ever been, even with the bag. It's a mystery to them, but I found the ultimate joy and peace, so jokes on them!