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SANTA & MRS CLAUS ON XMAS EVE

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Topic Summary
HenryM
Dec 24, 2024 9:54 am

SCENE:  NORTH POLE KITCHEN  

Mrs. Claus:  You got everything ready for your big night?

Santa:  I’m all set.  (He sips some hot tea.)

Mrs. Claus:  Are you going to change your appliance before you leave?

Santa:  I am.  I’m going with the one-piece Hollister tonight.

Mrs. Claus:  What if you have to empty before you’re through?

Santa:  I figure I can just do a quick dump over Mar-a-Lago on the way down the Florida coast.

Mrs. Claus: (Laughing) Think he’ll notice?

Santa:  Unlikely.  

Mrs. Claus:  What’ve you got to give him for Xmas?

Santa:  Oh, that was easy.  A civics textbook and a copy of ‘Boost Your Vocabulary.’

Mrs. Claus:  But the man doesn’t read!

Santa:  They’re audiobooks.  

Mrs. Claus:  But he doesn’t listen either!

Santa:  Do you have a better idea?

Mrs. Claus puzzles over it momentarily.

Mrs. Claus:  Give him a Monopoly set.  It combines his three strong suits:  real estate, delusion, and other people’s money.  

THEY LAUGH TOGETHER.  MRS. CLAUS STROKES SANTA’S BEARD.

Mrs. Claus:  See you later, Sweetie.  (She winks lasciviously.)  

THE LIGHTS GO DIM AS SANTA EXITS HEADED FOR HIS SLEIGH.  REINDEER SNORTING CAN BE HEARD OFF STAGE.  

warrior
Dec 24, 2024 11:37 am

Priceless Henry!

👍

You give us a hearty chuckle. 🤣 Something the profession—professionals—do not.

Season's Greetings to you and Mrs. H.

Posted by: freedancer

In both of my cases, I had no choice. It was surgery or be put 6 feet under! I thank God that He has been with me all these times. Without Him, I never would have known what to do and might not have gone to the hospital when I did. I don't know if you have had your surgery or not yet but I hope you will hang out on this website when you are done. I have learned a great deal through the people here and it is so great having others who have had the same thing done and been through what you are about to or have gone through. The only thing I have turned down is a reversal of the ileostomy. When the doctors did the emergency rebuilding of my original ileostomy this last February, I told them I did not want to go through this again. My doctor told me at that time that I was no longer a candidate for the reversal. In a way, I was very relieved. The last three years of my life have been a nightmare for me. I do not want to go through any of it again. If you wish to be rehooked up and they say you are a good choice for that, research it carefully. Every surgery I have ever had except for Old and New Maxine and the emergency surgery on my broken foot, I have spent weeks researching. I recently had my C5 C6 disk in my neck replaced with an artificial one. I went to my pre-op with 2 pages of questions for the doctor. I knew everything that they were going to do and could talk intelligently with them. I always try to research my adversaries! Don't cancel your surgery. It is nice not to have to suffer any longer with horrible pain. We all had to change a few things around when we had our surgeries but in the long run, most of us are glad we did it. I know I am. Good luck to you!

AlexT
Dec 24, 2024 12:06 pm

Politics shouldn't be part of Christmas. However, since you 🫵 brought it up, at least Trump would realize he got shit on. Biden would just wallow in it, not knowing what was going on.

HenryM
Dec 24, 2024 12:17 pm

Yes, well, Trump thinks he got shit on if someone disagrees with him.  Maintain your sense of humor for Xmas, AlexT.  Joking is a valid part of Xmas.  

warrior
Dec 24, 2024 2:13 pm

It's a "social talk forum" where everything and anything is up for grabs on this platform.

Not about our shit bags, stomas, or caring for them.

Although... there are parallels. Perhaps Biden... I mean... er um... hidden between the lines.🤔👍.. that trumps all.

Your opinions, expressed positively or negatively, are spirit.

Love you guys and girls here. We've got spirit though.

 

 

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SusanT
Dec 24, 2024 4:56 pm

🤣

AlexT
Dec 24, 2024 6:35 pm

I’m just messing with you too Henry. 😉

TerryLT
Dec 24, 2024 9:04 pm

So clever, so funny and so 'spot on'!  First big belly laugh of the day.  I will be reading this one to my husband, as I know he will enjoy it as much as I did.  Merry Christmas Henry! 

Terry

TerryLT
Dec 24, 2024 9:16 pm

My husband just read your post.  I think our neighbours could hear him laughing.

Terry

warrior
Dec 25, 2024 12:03 am

(Psst, Henry... Alex gave you the finger). Fondly, however. 👍

rlevineia
Dec 30, 2024 5:02 pm

Henry, you struck gold. Thanks for the holiday cheer.

rlevineia
Dec 30, 2024 5:07 pm

I thought vile curse words were a violation of MaO's rules?  Obviously baloney.  Magas can't speak w/o childish potty words.  You live along the Misery River?  worst area of Omaha.

warrior
Dec 30, 2024 5:11 pm

Vile curse words? Against mao rules? Hmm ( whispering...only if u get caught)👍🤭

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