Thinking About Dating Again After Separation

I can't believe I am telling you this, but I'm kind of starting to wonder about dating. Since my separation, I have sworn off men. I didn't trust anyone or care to have a man in my life. I was too ill, and my only focus was my children. But since my surgery, I have been thinking it might be nice to have a man in my life. I am so lonely. It would be nice to email, text, and chat with someone. But unfortunately, my self-esteem is in the garbage, even though I'm trying to get past that. My surgery put me in a new place. But I wouldn't know how to start meeting someone.

Hi Pammer,

I don't know that I can really offer any advice, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I often feel the exact way you do, as I'm sure many others on here do as well. I have pretty much given up on the thought of ever being with someone again, but you never know; stranger things have happened. But it's not all bad; I have 4 cats to keep me company (I have a soft spot for strays) and often find them better company than a lot of people. Don't give up, but be patient.

Take care,

Dave

I hope when you read this you are feeling much better about yourself. When I read your post, it was like I was saying those words. I did actually, many years ago. But here I am, still living and loving life. My marriage ended because of my surgery, but I have learned to let it go. I still feel lonely at times, but I reach out to someone who understands. If you ever want to talk, I'll be here. Take care, Wanda

I have had my ostomy since 1997. I had four resections and recently had surgery for lung cancer. Fortunately, I am cancer-free, but to say the least, I feel like damaged goods. I understand how it feels to want to have someone to relax, talk, and be intimate with.

The best thing we can do is love ourselves as we are. How fortunate we are to live in a time where we can survive these devastating diagnoses, and after some very invasive and difficult surgeries, end up living a reasonably normal life. I am fortunate to have discovered there are women out there who don't care about what my physical and sometimes emotional scars are. They see the man inside. After my divorce, I thought I was destined to be alone. I still never know when it's right to tell someone I have an appliance, but surprisingly, I have found it's not an issue for most people.

So my advice is to experiment a little. What have you got to lose? Yes, you'll probably be disappointed and maybe hurt by some. But hey, you've been through stuff those people couldn't handle as well as you have. The ones that matter are the ones you'll keep in your life. As far as exposing that part of yourself to someone you like, I have found there's one pattern to stick to: go a little slower. A kiss on the cheek and your hand on their cheek will keep them coming back.