Hi JQ
There is definitely a huge age gap between us, but you will be surprised how some of your situations are common to mine. Obviously not the pregnancy and marriage...lol
I was diagnosed with UC since I was 2, that's what I've been told and what the medical reports state. Gonna turn 25 in February. So that's like 23 years of UC. The surgery had not fixed everything, and I'm still dealing with UC manifestations outside the colon and the long-run side effects of treatments.
Yes, I've been home-taught as well and haven't gone to school regularly until I turned 14 or 15! Since then, the education experience was just a mess and I hated every single memory of it. Not just because of illness. But, I made it to the honors university degree. It was 10 times harder for me and I had to turn around too many situations and deal with situations that are way beyond my age at that time. I had to deal with those situations on my own, even some medical situations, as I was not very close to family since I turned 16. Some of those situations still stuck in my head. Thus, the current anxiety triggered all those situations and even revealed some shocking situations that I have completely forgotten.
I know it's kind of weird to take advice or listen to someone who is probably close to your daughter's age, but we deal with something – believe it or not - off the norm. Since you are 45 now, there is no point remembering any of those situations or digging after it. What's done is done and you are now far beyond those moments. Having said that, I will share with you why I recommend that. What happened to me is, I kept remembering those childhood and education experience situations till I had flashbacks of shocking situations that I have completely forgotten when I was at a very young age. After investigation, it was true flashbacks and not delusion. I was better off not remembering those situations again because they are just horrible and could drive anyone who experienced them into a mad person. Can't even share them easily.
No one told me ignorance is bliss, or probably I've been told that but never paid attention to it - can't remember. I had to learn that in the ugliest way. I probably had anxiety for most of my life which was left untreated, this did put me in the dark hole of substance abuse and mad thoughts once I got older in age. Now I only focus on anxiety treatments rather than ending up in a cage.
The "what if" question could lead to creativity as well as destruction. I did overthink "what if" questions till all my fears came true in front of my eyes, and I didn't have a solution for it, because I only thought of it from the fear side and not how to avoid it or how I would fix it. It would have been much better if I had said to myself, if this happens I should do this and not overthink it. "The devil is in the detail".
Having those thoughts about "I should have had the surgery 10 or 20 years ago" is kind of a tricky one. I should have had the surgery when I was 7 and only had it last year in November 2013 – 17 years later! Just after my graduation. So, I will try to balance things for you here...
If you had the surgery let's say 15-20 years ago, you would think I would have been much better, at least I would have avoided all those accidents, hospitalization, endo-oscopies, embarrassments, anxiety, side effects, etc. when you were younger. But hold up, the ostomy supplies are now 10 times better than before. Also, you probably wouldn't have handled the surgery shock when you were younger, or ended up so anxious that you couldn't even be confident marrying who you loved now.
For myself, I would not have had the guts to continue education and become a survivor if I had the surgery when I was 7-10 years old. I know I wouldn't have handled it and would have ended up somewhere else. On the other hand, the disease - UC - had several manifestations in my body from head to toe as well as long-term medication side effects.
I kept thinking this over and over, cycles in cycles, till I ended up with a blown head, confusion, racing thoughts, and even so close to jumping in a deep lake. I don't dare to just tell you to get over it because I hated everyone who told me that. On the other hand, realistically, you can't time travel. Respect how you got over it before with prayers. I've been there and wouldn't be alive today if I had given that up. It is the only thing that didn't let me go with ending up my own life.
Wish I had delivered my point here and hope this makes you think brighter. From the marriage and pregnancy questions, there are too many awesome ladies on this website who have tons of life experience and dealt with all kinds of situations. If you think this reply has helped you where I'm only 24, imagine how much assistance you can get from someone who's 50+!! They can provide you with unlimited help. Give it a try and you will be surprised. People who are willing to help, with nothing in return, usually come across those who require it. You will also feel comfortable talking about your situations to them. I tried that myself and discussed very complicated issues with them while I couldn't even do that with my own family.
Sorry for being long. Allow typo errors and grammar :D:D
Happy new year to you