This topic is about managing intimacy when you have an ostomy, specifically focusing on how to keep the ostomy pouch from becoming a focal point in the bedroom. The person sharing their experience is dealing with anxiety about how the pouch might affect their intimate moments. Here are some of their concerns and the strategies they use to cope, along with additional advice and insights from others:

- Concerns include the pouch swinging, hitting their partner, or leaking, as well as a loss of body confidence when the bag is visible or makes noise. They also feel pressured to keep lingerie on to maintain confidence, even if their partner prefers full nudity.

- To manage these concerns, they use a stoma or ostomy wrap-style belt to secure and cover the pouch. They also buy sexy outfits and tell their partner that the outfit stays on during intimacy because "it can be washed, unlike my confidence." They hope that using humor can help others facing similar struggles.

- They haven't tried a bustier yet due to fear it might cause a leak. Although their partner is supportive, the frequency of intimacy has decreased, leading to worries about becoming more like "married flatmates." They are also mourning the loss of their pre-surgery belly and are looking for ways to feel attractive again.

Here are some additional tips and insights:

1. Wraps, belts, and lingerie are common solutions:
- Stoma or ostomy wraps and belts can help hold the pouch flat and quiet.
- There are intimate apparel brands made specifically for ostomates, offering specialized lingerie and wraps.
- Regular lingerie can also work; a bustier or torsolette may help secure the bag, but it's a good idea to test for leaks first.

2. Normalize the pouch with partner communication:
- If your long-term partner is comfortable with the pouch, try not to overemphasize the issue.
- Using humor, like calling it a Halloween costume, can help ease tension with new or casual partners.

3. Simple DIY cover-ups:
- You can cut the waistband off an old pair of underwear and wear it under the pouch to prevent it from dangling.

4. Output-management strategies:
- Colostomates might consider irrigation, which can stop output for about 24 hours, allowing the use of a stoma cap or mini pouch during intimate moments.

5. Frequency and expectations:
- It's common for sexual frequency to decline after surgery. Patience and mutual reassurance can help while adapting to these changes.