This topic is about the journey of a caregiver named Kerensa, who has been supporting her husband, Henry, for eight years since he received an ileostomy while in a coma. It explores the emotional and practical challenges they face, including feelings of guilt, responsibility, and the balance of support in their relationship.

- Henry often reads stories on forums about divorce and loneliness, which deeply affect him.
- Kerensa emphasizes that having an ostomy does not determine a person's attractiveness, worth, or identity.
- She is thankful that Henry survived and remains her partner, but caregiving has its personal challenges:
1. Henry sometimes blames her for approving the surgery that saved his life.
2. Changing the pouch can be difficult, leading to Henry feeling angry and guilty.
3. Kerensa engages in gardening and cooking to maintain an alkaline diet for Henry, believing that pH balance is crucial for keeping a good seal.
4. She wakes up every two hours to check on his output, often staying awake, which bothers Henry and adds to his guilt.
- Kerensa believes that a caregiver should not be solely responsible for the patient's self-esteem; both partners might benefit from external support.
- Her message is intended to comfort both ostomy survivors and caregivers who feel unheard.

Advice and insights from others include:

1. Blame and Guilt: Many people feel it is unfair for Henry to blame Kerensa, as the decision for surgery was life-saving and made with medical guidance.
2. Self-Care and Responsibility:
- Most people with an ileostomy manage their own pouch care. Unless Henry has physical limitations, he should take responsibility for his ostomy, handle changes, and keep track of his output.
- Allowing Henry to take on these tasks could help reduce his guilt and lessen Kerensa’s fatigue.
3. Counseling: Individual or couples therapy might help address ongoing feelings of anger, guilt, and the imbalance in their roles.
4. Community Support: Both caregivers and patients are encouraged to seek support from forums and professionals. Many people send positive thoughts and recognize Kerensa’s dedication.