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Jun 14, 2011

Struggling with Acceptance - Is Love Possible with an Ostomy?

This topic is about the challenges and emotions that come with seeking love and acceptance when living with an ostomy. Niamh, who has had an ileostomy since 2009, has faced difficulties in relationships due to her condition. After a breakup and a recent rejection, she feels uncertain about finding love. Here are some insights and advice shared by others who understand her situation:

1. Focus on self-worth: It's important to see your pouch as a symbol of survival rather than a flaw. How you perceive yourself can influence how others perceive you.

2. Rejection as a "Jerk Detector": If someone can't accept your stoma, it's a sign they might not be the right person for you. It's better to know this early on.

3. Build friendships first: Allow relationships to develop naturally. Let your partner get to know you before discussing your ostomy. When you do, keep the explanation simple.

4. Consider dating other ostomates: People with similar experiences can offer understanding and support. Ostomy communities and forums can be great places to meet like-minded individuals.

5. Seek mental health support: If you're feeling overwhelmed, professional counseling or treatment for depression can be beneficial.

6. Use humor: Light-hearted jokes can ease tension and remind everyone that having a stoma is just a different way of living.

7. Practical intimacy tips:
- Introduce a small or "intimate" size pouch when discussing your ostomy.
- Use support garments or stealthwear to keep the pouch discreet and secure.

8. Learn from long-term ostomates: Many have found love, married, and even re-entered the dating scene. Most partners care more about who you are than your medical appliances.

9. Maintain a wide social network: Family, friends, and the ostomy community can provide crucial support during tough times.

10. Personal success stories: Many have shared their experiences of finding love and acceptance after an ostomy, proving that the right person will come along.
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