This topic is about the challenges of rebuilding sexual and emotional closeness after ostomy surgery. A married man with an ostomy since 2005 shares his experience of a dwindling sex life with his wife and wonders if the ostomy is the barrier. He seeks advice from others who might have faced similar issues. Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

1. Open, specific communication
- Partners may worry about hurting the stoma or abdominal area. A calm discussion about what is and isn’t painful can help alleviate these concerns.
- If communication is difficult, consider joint sessions with a counselor or sex therapist. Going alone first might help in framing the discussion.

2. Re-establish intimacy gradually
- Begin with non-sexual touch like foot rubs, massages, or cuddling to build comfort and desire before expecting intercourse.
- Plan low-pressure date situations to focus on closeness rather than performance.

3. Use smaller “sex-friendly” appliances
- An enterostomal therapy nurse suggests using very small closed-end pouches, known as “mini-caps” or a “sex bag,” to stay out of the way during intimacy.

4. Address body-image and self-esteem
- Many feel “damaged” after surgery, and partners may sense this insecurity. Building personal confidence through counseling, support groups, or positive self-talk can help.
- Remember that a loving partner values the whole person, not just the ostomy.

5. You are not alone
- Many couples experience a lull after surgery, but fulfilling sex lives are possible again. Stories from others show that taking emotional risks can lead to positive outcomes.

6. Practical tips
- Empty or irrigate the pouch beforehand and avoid heavy meals to reduce output.
- Wear supportive lingerie or a pouch cover if the appliance is distracting.
- Keep supplies nearby to reduce anxiety about leaks.

7. When a partner remains unwilling
- If dialogue and professional help don’t work, consider whether to accept the situation, seek deeper counseling, or consider separation, as living without affection can harm mental health.

These shared experiences and suggestions aim to help ostomates and their partners reclaim the closeness they miss.