This topic revolves around the experiences of a female ostomate who is trying to understand why some men, particularly those who are thin, athletic, and conventionally attractive, seem to lose interest or cheat after becoming intimate with her. She wonders if these men lie to avoid hurting her feelings and questions whether all quality men are less traditionally attractive. She also reflects on whether her own dating preferences make her judgmental and highlights a perceived double standard in dating expectations for people with ostomies.

Here are some insights and advice shared on this topic:

1. Cheating behavior is more about the cheater than the partner’s ostomy or physical differences. Some individuals are drawn to the excitement of new relationships and may even be addicted to that feeling.

2. Focus on healing by forgiving if you wish, letting go of anger, centering yourself, staying busy, and remembering that there are trustworthy partners out there.

3. Consider delaying sexual intimacy when seeking a long-term relationship. Take the time to ensure the person values more than just physical aspects. If they are willing to wait, it shows they value you.

4. Some people, regardless of gender, may pursue sex without commitment. Their physical attractiveness can sometimes make it easier for them to act this way because they have more options and face fewer consequences.

5. Everyone has different criteria for attraction. An ostomy, weight, scars, disabilities, etc., will matter to some and not to others. This is a normal preference, but using someone is not acceptable.

6. From a male ostomate’s perspective, rejection can happen to anyone. Partners may also leave him after sex, indicating that relationship challenges are universal and not specific to having an ostomy.

7. Improve partner selection by noticing traits of potential cheaters, being cautious, and discussing the ostomy early on to filter out unsuitable partners.

8. Maintain your self-worth. If someone cheats or disrespects you, move on quickly. They weren’t worth more of your time or tears.

9. Keep searching for the right person. Only a small proportion of interested partners will meet your expectations, but the right person is out there.