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Oct 18, 2013

Seeking Love - Overcoming Ostomy Bag Stigma

This topic is about the challenges and fears faced by a 28-year-old gay man with Crohn’s disease who has a high-output ostomy. He is concerned about finding love and fears rejection due to his ostomy bag. Here are some insights and advice that might help:

1. Self-image is key. Confidence, gratitude, and inner strength can make you more attractive. It's important to practice self-acceptance before diving into the dating scene.

2. Consider gradual disclosure. Go on a few dates to build trust before revealing your ostomy. Honesty and humor can ease the conversation, like joking about "closed rear access" or playfully handing over a spare pouch.

3. The pouch can act as a filter. Those who are put off by it save you time, while those who stay are genuinely interested in you.

4. There are many success stories. Some gay men have had long-term relationships where the ostomy was not an issue, including relationships lasting 6 years, 20-plus years, and even a 17-year civil partnership.

5. Avoid one-night-stand venues if they increase your anxiety. Traditional dating allows you to assess acceptance before becoming intimate.

6. Explore online resources. There are dedicated gay and lesbian ostomy sites that can help you connect with others in similar situations.

7. Practical tips include using "Stoma Stiflers" to dampen noise and odor. Partners often become knowledgeable about the ostomy, which can deepen your relationship.

8. Shift your perspective. Remember that the surgery saved your life. Focusing on broader life goals and staying socially active can increase your chances of meeting the right person.

9. Remember that unkind people exist in every gender and orientation. Don't let a few rejections define your self-worth.
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