This topic is about navigating sex and intimacy when one partner has a temporary ileostomy. A man who recently had this surgery is feeling loved but also sidelined in his marriage because his wife has decided to pause their sexual relationship until his reversal surgery, which is expected to be in about 6-7 months. He understands her concerns but feels rejected and frustrated, and he is looking for ways to maintain intimacy without pressuring her.

Here are some insights and advice that might help:

1. **Understanding and Communication**
- Have an open conversation with your wife about her specific fears and reassure her that you value honesty and connection, not just sex.
- If anxiety persists, consider seeing a sex therapist, psychologist, or counselor experienced with ostomies together.
- Joining local ostomy support groups or exploring forums on intimacy and dating can provide your wife with perspectives from other spouses.

2. **Reducing the "Nurse" Role**
- Try to resume your own appliance care when possible, as it can be challenging for partners to switch from caregiver to lover.
- If skin issues prevent self-care, consider arranging for short home-nurse visits to give your wife a break.

3. **Making the Pouch Less Noticeable**
- Use the smallest closed-end or "mini-cap" pouch available from brands like Hollister, Coloplast, and Convatec.
- Fold a standard pouch and secure it with waterproof tape, or use an ostomy waistband or snug wrap to flatten and hide the bag.
- Some couples wrap the pouch with cling film and wear a T-shirt or lingerie-type top for added discretion.

4. **Exploring Alternate Forms of Intimacy**
- Consider oral sex, mutual masturbation, vibrators, sensual massage, and body-focused cuddling as ways to maintain closeness without penetration.
- Couples with similar experiences report fulfilling sex lives using these methods.

5. **Building Confidence Through Everyday Activities**
- Engage in light exercise, housework, or hobbies like surfing to demonstrate the reliability of the wafer and reassure your spouse.

6. **Resources and Literature**
- The book "It’s in the Bag … and Under the Covers" by Brenda Elsagher offers true stories about sex with an ostomy.

7. **Technical Tips and Reassurance**
- Use transparent adhesive sheets like Hydrofilm or OpSite to keep the pouch secure during intimate moments.
- Remember that leakage during intercourse is rare, and if it happens, most couples handle it with humor and understanding.

8. **Attitude and Perspective**
- Many people find that an ostomy has improved their sex life compared to the pre-surgery period.
- Emphasize love, patience, and humor to help both partners adjust and find joy in their relationship.