Less of a Tip, More Like Catharsis

Laugh at my experience and expense if it's funny to you. This is meant to be self-deprecating and a bit of a cathartic post. Maybe there's a tip in here somewhere for anyone who has acquired a stoma recently.

My first bag was put on while I was still in surgery. My second bag change happened with the wound care nurse in the hospital the day before I was discharged. The third was with my wife in our bathroom before a shower, and that is the tale I'll tell that took place several weeks ago.

We knew we were on our own. Still had the gross blood and goop and floaters in the bag. My stents hadn't been removed yet. Nothing like infection or bad care, just after-surgery normalcy. It was terrifying!

The wound care nurse added the sticky extenders; the adhesive Hollister uses is damn good! Too good, one might say. I picked at the edges and slowly lifted the adhesive patches from my skin. I was laconic, no words in fact. Just moving like a sloth in the winter, dipped in molasses. Slowly, the extenders were removed fractions of a millimeter at a time.

Everything was still super tender, and I was obsessively deliberate in every action. I thought we were home free with the adhesive finally taken off. Alas, I was wrong. The depth of my disappointment was as deep as the Mariana Trench. The bag backing around the stoma was also some type of adhesive! I had no idea! I knew it had to seal, but I wasn't aware it was seal sealed. I just assumed moderately attached with a sorta-sealed seal.

Carefully, like that sloth mentioned above, I separated skin from bag seal. I asked Alexa what time it was from the bathroom; we've been at it for twenty minutes or so. Twenty excruciatingly long minutes, and the bag still wasn't detached. A few missteps caused some pain, which further dampened my already negative enthusiasm, but we persisted. My wife gave encouragement and cut the hole in the new bag 5mm smaller than the previous bag. The paper template went in the trash; we were gonna wing it!

Finally! As careful as Indiana Jones swapped the golden idol for a bag of equally weighted sand, I removed the bag... we plugged the stoma by placing the tip of a tampon on the opening.

Four hands, moving with the uncertainty of a toddler trying to walk for the first time, clumsy and hilarious, we felt stuck. What now?!?!?!

Clean it! But how?! We knew how, but didn't want to touch too rough, didn't want to contaminate, didn't want to upset the already angry stoma overlord that now had me as its thrall.

My wife started to laugh. I started to laugh. The nervous laughter mixed with genuine amusement at the situation. Our hands were full. Tampon in one hand, a sterile pad in three others. My wife had a wet bandage in hers and her phone looking at a tutorial video on "how to do it"... so the tampon was dropped in the trash can, which was under me.

The light laughing turned into real laughter at the situation. That's when I learned kidneys apparently retain urine or the ureters have a capacity they can hold. Because my real laughs caused muscles to do what they do, and urine shot out of the stoma with velocity. We were stunned into silence!

What the hell!?! Our makeshift surgical theater was now all wet.

Then the previously silenced laughing switched back on, and we did our best to clean everything up, dry the stoma area, apply the powders, skin seal stuff, and attach the bag before my stoma decides to let the flow loose again.

The new bag was finally attached, and I jumped in the shower to a new sloth-like cleaning process. Total time spent was around 40 minutes.

Fast forward several weeks to tonight. I started the shower water. I ripped the tape off around the bag in about 10 seconds. Pulled the bag off carefully because the stoma is still healing, jumped in the shower and bathed, dried off, and attached a new bag like it was old hat.

My point in all of this is to go at your pace; nothing is wrong with being scared, repulsed, grossed out, or even laughing. Just keep moving forward.

Cheers, all

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that this morning!

I've had the shooting urine many times. And it never fails to make me laugh, which makes the whole situation worse! 🤣

Hopefully, you've discovered the wonders of adhesive remover by now. I felt your pain as you removed that appliance!

I've actually not tried adhesive remover... I'll look in the catalog the wound care nurse gave me.

But for now, it's caveman brain and Mongo fingers...

G-Day Steve and Wife,

Great story with good vision made possible with your detail. Adhesive remover is fantastic; I use a spray to get the bag off, then I use wipes all over the area.

Nice to have you on board.

Regards, IGGIE

Y'all have a great sense of humor…. I don't ever recall laughing at shooting urine or other bodily functions while changing bags that keep us high and dry…jb

My Ostomy Journey: LeeAnne | Hollister

Hi Steve, welcome to the site. I have somewhat of a similar story, except mine was poop, not urine. Before I had resection surgery and a new stoma, my old one was atrophied and would spurt like your thumb over the end of a garden hose. So, when doing a change and after removing the pouch, it spurted and sprayed the wall next to the toilet. What a mess.

That description was hilarious! It felt like watching a movie you've seen before, and you know what's coming next. I actually said, “Uh oh, they're going too slowly!” a few times. I guess you've learned to move swiftly on bag change day and just how important a sense of humor can be.

Hubz and I are laughing! We call his big event 'Mount Vesuvius'! 🌋

I live in the moment as often as I can. I can't undo what's been done. My bladder cancer originated for reasons. I can speculate, and there are probabilities. But the truth is, it does not matter. I can only deal with the here and now.

However, sometimes I reflect and realize I went through some stuff to get to where I am now. The chemo, the BCG treatment, and this surgery. They all hurt and have consequences, but it's all better than untreated bladder cancer.

This isn't a lesson, but an opportunity to point out perspective. You ended up with a mess, but isn't it better to have that than be dead? Quality of life is a factor; we are all in different states of quality, and we have different tolerances for hardship.

My point is finding this forum was a boon, and I am happy we're here. It's therapy.

I've discovered that spray adhesive remover is the best!

I have a colostomy. I use adhesive remover spray for taking off the old base plate. It works great. Thankfully, the colostomy content doesn't squirt, though there may be leaks at times. Once you get used to changing the bag, it's no problem. ...yes, we're all lucky to be in this group...so much support from people who actually know what an ostomy feels like 🙂

If they call you in for a follow-up colonoscopy (or similar inspection), be very careful the night before/morning of. They'll give that preparation to clean you out - we call it MoviPrep - a two-part mixture in water that you have to drink down (yuck) over the space of an hour the night before and another the morning of the procedure.

Do not do as I did and stand up as you remove the bag, or even to unseal it if you have one of the emptying types - the force of what comes out and the area of bathroom wall it can cover is astounding. It took me an hour and every bog roll in the loo to clean up. You'll need to kneel down over the toilet bowl and do whatever you have to do very slowly and carefully.

Hi Steve, thank you for the laugh. After all, if we can't laugh at it, something is wrong. 😝

May I ask a serious question, though, please? I have an almost three-week-old stoma. Apart from some issues with the wrong type of bag, it's so far so good for me. What I'm wondering is why urine is coming out of your stoma? Knowing almost nothing about all this, I always thought only feces came out of stomas?

My stoma is only for urine. I still poo through the normal plumbing.

Long story short. Normal doctor visits every 6 months, blood and urine tests. One visit they say, "We see abnormal/cancer cells in your urine; you need to see a urologist."...

I do as they say, do BCG treatment for bladder cancer, which is painful as heck, but there are amazing advances in cancer treatment. Modified tuberculosis triggers an immune response that destroys cancer.... and makes your bladder feel like it's on fire too. Anyhow, it worked. Cancer gone, but bladder cancer is insidious and likes to return. It did.

Biopsies and cameras up in the bladder found muscle-invasive cancer. Stage 2. The only viable "cure" is to take the bladder, prostate, and surrounding lymph node(s).

Elective chemo first... ugh, cisplatin and gemcitabine with an infimzi chaser. So, brutal poison, moderate poison, and an immunotherapy miracle drug.

Finally, surgery. They hook up Optimus Prime, the many-armed robot, and the surgeon/pilot does his thing. Remove the bladder, prostate, lymph node. Take a section of small intestines and turn it into a pipe to connect the kidney ureters too and make an exit (stoma). Pee goes in a bag instead of more solid waste.

Ok, so it wasn't short at all... I'm a wretched liar. Flog me in the comments, no throwing rotten fruit though.

Yes, please check out adhesive remover. I like the spray version, and it does not take much. There are also adhesive remover wipes; they are good for taking off excessive leftover adhesive or adhesive from pink tape if you use that. I do not think you can order both in the US; it is one or the other that Medicare pays for. Both can be purchased on Amazon; the wipes are cheaper. Try using small sections of paper towel over the red devil while prepping for a new bag. I use them like covering a shaving cut. You may need several, and of course, early morning changing before breakfast seems to work better for me. Kidneys are not as active. Good luck, and thanks for the humor.

Took me 12 weeks to find the combination for a bag to stay in place for more than a short time.

That was a very good explanation... but not short.

I have 2 stomas, one for poop and one for urine. There are a few others in here with urostomies. The poop crowd is just more vocal. 🤣

I imagine the poop crowd has more to be vocal about. A bit more complex and involved. Extra steps, extra concerns, extra products, different products.

The stoma portion is pretty similar or even identical. My red baboon ass stoma is still a bit angry with me after surgery. The edges are still healing.

I find mine to be similar. There are problems unique to each. But I do find that I have more stress with the poop one simply because it's poop.

Yes, absolutely understandable. My biggest "issue" is nighttime. The hose that hooks to my bag that hangs on the edge of my bed is flexible enough to be... ummm... flexible. It's also stout enough to keep me pinned in a very prone position all night long. I wake up in the same position I started at. I quite literally do not move any more when I sleep.

Oh, and that one time I forgot to disconnect and none of the connections gave way and I ended up on my bum, so cheers to good construction and Hollister's glue.

I'm becoming a shill for Hollister, it seems.

I am in several ostomy/stoma support groups on FB and other ones and have never heard of Uribe coming out of a stoma, nor has it ever happened to me, and I've had mine since January 4, 2024. Wow, the thought of that just grosses me out. I have to ask, do you have to go to the bathroom really badly, and that's what causes it? I guess I just don't understand at all how kidneys, or a kidney in my case, have anything to do with one's stoma.

You do realize all stomas are not just for digestive tract issues? My stoma is for urinary tract issues.

Where's the block feature?

You might want to try Coloplast night bags. You'd need an adapter to work with Hollister appliances, but the hose is super soft and flexible. It is really nice. One reason I decided to use Coloplast appliances is how nice the night bag is.

A stoma is simply an opening in the skin. Sometimes they make the opening from the colon or small intestines, and you get poop out. Other times, they make the opening in the urinary system, and urine comes out.

What comes out is what is designed to come out.

In your case, the opening was designed for poop, and that's what you get. You are quite right that you would never get urine out of your stoma.

For other people, the stoma is designed to let urine out, and those people will never get poop out of their stoma.

I have 2 stomas and wear 2 bags. I only get poop out of my poop stoma and only get urine out of my urine stoma.

'Tis a funny experience. You must use adhesive remover to take the bag off.

Great story. My stoma is for poop. I change right after a shower. Dry quickly, put on undershorts, and put a dental bib in my waistband. It's saved me and the bathroom many times.

Best of health,

SharkFan

That is the funniest thing I have heard. I am sitting here getting ready for bed, and I am laughing out loud at this post!!😉 I can also relate; I have had a few of those funnies as well! Haven't we all!!🤣

I'm still getting material and supplies. The samples from various manufacturers, suppliers, whoever held me until I settled with a bag I like and a place that takes my insurance.

I'll get the adhesive remover... it is clearly more important than I gave it credit for.