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Apr 24, 2014

Helping My Partner Feel Comfortable with Her Ostomy

This topic is about helping a new partner feel comfortable with her ileostomy, especially in the context of a romantic relationship. John has been dating a woman who has had an ileostomy for several years, and while their relationship is loving and communicative, she struggles with self-consciousness about her condition. Here are some practical ways to support her:

1. Communicate and Listen
- Encourage her to share how the ileostomy works, its impact on her health, and any specific concerns she has.
- Reassure her that you are not bothered by the sights, sounds, or smells, and remind her of how attractive you find her.

2. Normalize and Use Humor
- Light-hearted jokes can help ease tension, such as joking about the lack of smell.
- As comfort grows, you can playfully interact with the stoma noises.

3. Gas and Noise Management
- Consider using over-the-counter anti-gas tablets like Gas-X before meals to reduce noise.
- Encourage habits like limiting high-carb foods, avoiding carbonated drinks, staying hydrated, and emptying the pouch frequently.
- Gently covering the stoma opening with a fingertip can help modulate gas release.

4. Intimacy-Friendly Clothing and Lingerie
- Explore options like OstomySecrets.com for stylish garments that conceal the pouch, such as the "Illusion Wrap."
- Decorative pouch covers can boost confidence and femininity.
- Offer to browse these options together and purchase items she likes.

5. Patience and Emotional Support
- Understand that regaining body confidence can take time, especially if she hasn't dated since the surgery.
- Celebrate small steps towards intimacy and let her set the pace.
- Remind her that the pouch’s charcoal filter removes odor, making gas release silent or odorless.

6. Peer Connection
- Encourage her to connect with other ostomates through forums or private chats to share experiences and tips.
- Some women are willing to chat with her directly to discuss insecurities with someone who understands.

7. Professional Help If Needed
- If her fear of intimacy continues despite your support, consider suggesting a counselor experienced in body-image or chronic-illness issues to help address deeper anxieties.
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