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Nov 21, 2014

Dating with an Ostomy: Seeking Advice on Disclosure

The topic at hand is about navigating the world of dating when you have an ostomy, specifically when and how to tell a new partner about it. A 29-year-old woman, who has had an ileostomy since she was 12, is seeking advice on this matter. She recently had a spontaneous encounter with a man who didn't notice her ostomy, and now they plan to meet again. She is unsure about the best time to disclose her situation. Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others:

1. Consider being open sooner rather than later. Many suggest telling him now through a phone call, video chat, or message. This way, it won't be a lingering concern. If he is the right person, he will accept it; if not, it might save you from deeper hurt later on.

2. Keeping the information to ensure he shows up might feel manipulative. Honesty is important for both partners in a relationship.

3. When you disclose, you might ask if he noticed anything that night. This can lead to a practical and relaxed conversation.

4. If he reacts negatively, take it as a sign that he might not be worth further emotional investment. Remember, your ostomy is not the problem.

5. For future encounters, consider taking things slower. Building an emotional connection first can make the disclosure easier and help you decide if you want to pursue intimacy.
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