This topic is about the challenges and experiences of dating after revealing an ostomy, particularly after a long-term relationship. The writer, who recently ended a 20-year marriage, is navigating the world of online dating. She shared her cancer history and ileostomy with a potential partner, who then abruptly ended contact. This experience, while feared, was still painful. Her previous marriage was accepting of her ostomy but was otherwise abusive, prompting her to leave for her and her children's safety. Now single, she feels lonely and is seeking advice and shared experiences from others in similar situations.

Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

1. Rejection often reflects more on the other person than on you. It can be a quick way to identify those who may not be worth your time.

2. It's perfectly okay to take your time and only start dating when you feel truly ready.

3. Deciding when to disclose your ostomy is personal:
- Some prefer waiting a few dates to let the person know the "real you" first, similar to a "3-date rule."
- Others choose to disclose upfront to avoid deeper hurt later. Trust your instincts on when the right moment is.

4. An ostomy can act as a character "barometer," quickly revealing if someone is worth pursuing further.

5. Age and life experience often lead to more acceptance. Many people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are more understanding, as they may have their own health issues.

6. Both men and women with ostomies face similar rejection experiences; it's not specific to one gender.

7. There are success stories:
- Some have had long marriages where the ostomy was never an issue.
- One person shared that they began a relationship nine years ago after disclosing their ostomy on the first date, and their partner was immediately understanding.

8. Building self-confidence is key. Remember, an ostomy saved your life and shows resilience, which many find attractive.

9. For practical appearance tips, consider using stretchy tube-top style bands or light corsets to flatten or hold the pouch for intimacy or fitted clothing.

10. Explore social outlets and resources:
- Join Facebook groups by searching "ostomy" or "ostomy date" for peer support and dating discussions.
- Check out dedicated sites like Osteomate and dating sections in forums.

11. A recommended read is "Where the Sun Don’t Shine" by Hartle, a true account of a woman navigating life and dating with a permanent colostomy.

12. Humor and perspective can help: "It’s a pouch—wear a shirt and nobody notices."

13. Keep socializing, travel with friends, join singles groups, and remember that compassionate partners do exist. Many have met understanding mates through both ostomy-specific and mainstream dating avenues.