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Mar 08, 2018

Intimacy Challenges After Surgery - Seeking Advice on Healing and Relationship Support

This topic is about the challenges of intimacy and emotional well-being faced by someone who has undergone a temporary ileostomy due to complications from surgery. It also touches on the impact of these changes on relationships, particularly when dealing with rectovaginal fistulas. Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. Acceptance & Perspective
- An ostomy, whether temporary or permanent, can be seen as a life-saving opportunity. Healing, both physically and emotionally, takes time.
- Focus on your recovery and self-care, keeping in mind that a reversal is likely in the future.

2. Partners’ Fears & Communication
- Partners may have their own fears, such as causing pain or dealing with bodily changes, which can affect intimacy.
- Have a calm and open conversation, or consider couples therapy, to express your need for closeness and reassure your partner that you are not fragile.

3. Gradual Re-introduction of Intimacy
- Begin with non-sexual touch and cuddling, keeping the pouch discreetly covered with wraps, loose clothing, or by positioning it out of sight.
- Reassure your partner that the pouch is odor-free when closed and that any noises are normal.
- Plan intimate moments when the pouch is empty to help reduce anxiety.

4. Self-Worth & Independence
- Focus on activities that boost your confidence and engage in self-reflection and support networks.
- Understand that some people may struggle to cope; if rejection continues, it might be healthier to seek a more supportive relationship.

5. Practical Tips
- Keep your supplies handy and use a self-standing mirror to manage pouch changes independently.
- Continue maintaining good hygiene to enhance your comfort and confidence.

6. Shared Experiences
- Others have experienced similar situations where partners initially withdrew but eventually adjusted. Time and patience can help regain intimacy.
- Even if partners avoid hands-on stoma care, relationships can thrive once roles and expectations are clearly understood.
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