Coloplast makes a wide velcro-fastening belt that can hide it. There are others I believe somebody in this thread might have mentioned. They mostly mention exercise, but after all, this is kinda that, right? Good luck!
walter.sharpless
Feb 02, 2025 8:26 pm
kerrycookie95
Feb 02, 2025 9:47 pm
Same for me. I hate it; it gets in the way, but he has never been bothered. We have been together for 31 years, and he still finds me sexy, so we're lucky with our men xx ❤️. But yes, patience and crotchless knickers mean the bag doesn't have to be seen then 😉.
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Posted by: Primeboy
Hi Mike and all. I am not sure how panoramic my perspective really is as my peripheral vision shrinks with each passing year. I can tell you that when I came to this website six years ago I was truly ;impressed by the positive attitudes of so many members, especially the younger folks who refused to let their ostomies define who they were or what they would become. I also came to appreciate that having an ostomy is not the same thing as having a disease. Pardon ;my pun now, but ostomies and cancer don't belong in the same bag. One is a solution, the other is a problem. Celebrating National Ostomy Day ;is also well outside my comfort zone. That's like celebrating National Wheel Chair Day. Come on!
I think there is a ;need for improved ;public awareness of ostomies, but I am not sure how that's best done. There ;remains ;some social stigma attached to our situation, and it's acutely felt among our young. We need to get out of the dark ages on this issue, but not by going 'in your face' to everyone else. I think Bill and NDY are 'spot-on' when it comes to telegraphing the right message to friends and family. People will know how to react when they ;see ;how we accept the cards we were dealt. I also appreciate the contribution some people here are making to this effort through their publications.
On a personal note, my son has been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years just like I did. I am very concerned because people with UC are at a higher risk for colon cancer. Years ago my GI told me to get annual colonoscopies to be on the safe side. I am glad I did because he eventually found pre-cancerous cells which led to several surgeries and my becoming an ostomate. Since then I have always ;conveyed a positive attitude to ;my son about wearing a bag because it has kept me alive to enjoy many more years with my loved ones. I think he got the message. We both go to the same gastroenterologist in NYC and get scoped on the same day. Father and Son moments!
Someone once wrote that our children are the letters we write to the future.
PB
john72aggie
Feb 02, 2025 10:39 pm
Well Kimy, I have no experience making love to someone with an ileostomy; I have a urostomy. I make sure my bag is empty before we get it on. But doggie would keep your bag out of the way. You could also try different positions. And your husband should just be glad you still want to 'dance' with him and not worry about seeing the bag.
JMF
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DebinRI
Feb 03, 2025 12:19 am
Tight tops can actually create pancaking, an abundance of stool that eventually rises to the top of the bag, which can lead to leaking. I would stop using those. Use an ileostomy belt and just let it hang loose! Best wishes, Deb.
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Tio713
Feb 03, 2025 3:40 am
I found Bellabands at Target. I got a size that wasn't too tight to leave some room for output, but keeps my bag from hanging down and being distracting & in the way. I tried tube tops too but didn't like them as much.
Best of luck!
farrarar
Feb 03, 2025 3:46 am
Kimy I feel as women we have more options to try lingerie like a bustier (sp?) that is long enough to cover it, one of those ostomy covers that could pass off as a back brace, a somewhat fitted skirt or dress quite honestly in the heat of the moment it seems not to matter what clothes you still have on. You can try different positions as well. I have had my ileostomy for 42 years, my surgery was done when I was 13. You name it I have tried it. In my lifetime I only had 1 guy who had an issue, quite honestly though he had many issues and he just chose that because he thought it would bother me. He wanted to make me feel insecure, honestly it gave me strength to be able to walk away. Because of him I was more open about having an ileostomy because as a nurse I thought I could help others through a rough time and was able to appreciate the fact that our bodies are a miracle whether perfect or flawed. I hope some of this helps you.
Kimy
Feb 04, 2025 3:19 pm
I too have been in the medical field. We do have the urge to educate and help other people, don't we? I don't advertise that I have an ileostomy, but I don't hide the fact either; the body is a miracle.
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Lins0808
Feb 19, 2025 3:09 pm
Hi Farrarar and Kimy,
Like you, I have had my ostomy since I was 11. I don't bother covering it up. When I was younger, I thought I needed special lingerie, but my partners (and two husbands 😂) disagreed.
My second husband (and last! 😉) and I have a great sex life, and the ileostomy very rarely gets in the way. My hubby doesn't notice the bag. It's been 15 years, and I believe him.
It took me a long time to feel comfortable naked, but that was all about my own fears that I had to sort out.
My best “bag barriers” in the past have been short negligees or tanks.
Best of luck!
moris363
Nov 23, 2025 12:08 am
I get it. After my surgery, I completely struggled with feeling like myself. The idea of being intimate with this new part of me felt impossible, and it was rough on my partner and me. It got to the point where I realized I couldn't navigate the anxiety on my own so I searched for a therapist
I finally found my current therapist, Adam Nanayakkara I searched through Livespirited, a UK site where you can browse profiles. What convinced me to try him was that his bio specifically mentioned working with health conditions and body image issues. I thought, okay, this guy actually gets this specific scenario.
The first meeting was still nerve-wracking, but Adam made it so easy. He focused on the practical stuff, not just vague feelings. Things like how to actually bring up the surgery with my partner, or even when and how to manage the bag in those moments. Six months on, my confidence has completely changed. That focus and his understanding of the specific situation made all the difference. You can check him out here: https://livespirited.co.uk/