Finding Love with an Ostomy - Is it Possible?

I know for sure that some people have met up from being on this site. Myself being one of them and it's great to get close to someone who also has a "bag". There's no embarrassment or anything, it makes having one seem almost normal.

Hear, hear!!

Oh, I know this feeling so well. After this weekend, I would have to agree with you, Roger That! I was almost stunned having been blown off after several dates and coming clean about my colostomy. She, a doctor, couldn't hack it at all and so decided to call it a day. Just when you think things might be working out at long last! Knocked down, but not out. Never give up trying!

I am starting to feel ready to get down off the shelf after several years without intimacy. My marriage was in the dumpster long before my diagnosis and following treatments. Divorce came before my "little pal". So now I'm sifting around for a way to get out there and meet someone great. I've thought of the online dating thing but it actually seems pretty scary to me. One fact glares at me every time I start reading profiles of men who I think are interesting and here goes-- okay this is a bit of a venting rant, so bear with me and reply with suggestions please. I get really pissed off when I look at the profile of a man in my age group (I'm 50) and see that he wants to pair up with a woman in an age group that doesn't include me! What gives? I have a general rule for my future (hopefully) dating fun. If I could have changed your diapers when we were kids, you are too young for me. If you could have been my daddy, you are too old for me. Simple, right? There are so many beautiful women out here in my age group... women who don't "look" 50, whatever that looks like. Can someone please explain this? Thanks in advance for your thoughtful replies.

Since you have no replies......when dealing with men, remember this one little tip....most are insensitive a$$holes.
Now, using that perspective...doesn't their behavior make perfect sense?
Your solution is simple, lie about your age.....lol
Believe me, you won't be the only female doing it. After all, "all is fair in love and war."
Good luck.........peace.......

Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister

Since you have no replies......when dealing with men, remember this one little tip....most are insensitive a$$holes.
Now, using that perspective...doesn't their behavior make perfect sense?
Your solution is simple, lie about your age.....lol
Believe me, you won't be the only female doing it. After all, "all is fair in love and war".
Good luck.........peace.......        

MMSH,
You are right on about lying about one's age.    I used to go into chat rooms that were categorized: 1. for 20-30 year olds, 2. for 30-40 year olds, 3. for 40-50 year olds, etc
You could tell who was lying because sometimes they would slip up and remember an event that should have been before their time, giving them away.    It was fun though and no harm done.    I lied about my own age and just joined in.

Duh... LOL! Thanks gang! I suppose if I lie about my age and make sure I play dumb when someone mentions "Watergate" I should be okay. Haha! On the positive side, I'll appear to be oh so very wise and worldly.

Remember, there are 3 things that most women will lie about... age, weight, and shoe size... She may be 5'11" but she will swear that she wears a size 5 shoe... LOL
.........

I understand where most are coming from, I'm now divorced (4 years). I start talking to someone (male) and everything is fine. They want to go out for a meal, etc., and then they find out I have had an ileostomy. They very quickly retreat. It doesn't change the person I am inside. What are they all afraid of?
When someone asks me out for a drink or anything now, I just decline, as it's the same every time. Weeks of asking you questions every time they see you, and then I don't think I can cope with what you have.

Hi Starry;

Please don't decline everyone. If you keep trying, you will find good people and new friends. And then you may find your man. There are many good people out there. I think that it is hard for some. Is it ignorance or uninformed? Not too sure. It may be a long road, but in time you will see it is worth it. I wish I had a success story for you, but I don't. I am on that road still and have met some nice people along the way, so you could say that in itself is success.

Take care.

Hi, I'm Kevin. I'm new to this site. I'm looking for that very special someone with an ostomy. I love a confident woman who is attractive and comfortable in her own skin, etc. Please leave me a message in my inbox so I can get to know you. I don't judge. I love women who have an ostomy. There is nothing sexier than a woman with an ostomy.

Kevin,

I thought yesterday in the chat room you said that you were engaged and that you were excitedly looking forward to marrying her. What happened in the last 24 hours? Plus, you have been on this site longer than I have, so I'm not sure how you can say you are new to the site. You only have a new username because your former profile got deleted! There are plenty of people on this site, especially those that are regular users of the chat room, who know exactly what I am talking about and can answer any questions one might have about this situation.

sfgiantsfan

Kevin, this is no place for snookering. Good for Ericka for calling you out. As one Jersey boy to another, let me tell you something in plain English: "FENNAN, azienza me. Tu se provinos sfachim."

PB

Kevin,

I thought yesterday in the chat room you said that you were engaged and that you were excitedly looking forward to marrying her. What happened in the last 24 hours? Plus, you have been on this site longer than I have, so I'm not sure how you can say you are new to the site. You only have a new username because your former profile got deleted! There are plenty of people on this site, especially those that are regular users of the chat room, who know exactly what I am talking about and can answer any questions one might have about this situation(s).

sfgiantsfan        

This brings to mind the lyrics at 0.33–0.44 and 2.23–2.44

Hi! A 25-year veteran with an ileostomy, I was honest, told them up front and like learning sex when we were younger, you get to learn it again with someone new! I've only ever been rejected once and that's life, not ego, but that's their loss. You can't stop living because you have a bag. I never knew until lately there are almost half a million of us, so I bet they're sexually active. Don't give up! M...

Yep, you said it!!!

Yep, you said it!!!

Tiggy, that is a hysterical way to put it, and OH, SOOO TRUE!  I wish puberty had come with a Personal Jerk Detector!!! Touche'!

Hell no!!! If a woman looks at you as a burden because of your bag, then she is not worth your time, maybe. Keep looking and you will find someone who is not shallow and pathetic.

There are people out there that don't care. I've had 3 intimate partners since my surgery. One was my husband (we split for reasons unrelated to my ostomy) and two boyfriends. None of them have minded my bag. When it seems things are headed that way I tell them what's what and reassure them that it's not as gross as they might imagine, the bag is small and opaque, and if we are doing it right the bag is the last thing we are going to think about. Lol. Plus, once things get heated so to speak, my output stops. So as long as I make a quick trip to the bathroom my bag is empty during sex anyway.

I think the key is being open and frank about it. You need to set the tone and when they see you're not self-conscious about it (which you shouldn't be because hello, it either saved your life or gave you your quality of life back), and that you're comfortable and willing to give it a go, it relaxes them. Sometimes they are even curious. Lol. And I tell them if the idea freaks them out, we can give it a shot and if they can't get past it, fair enough. It sincerely has never been an issue for me.

And I agree with some of the sentiments here. If someone can't get past it, then they aren't looking at the whole picture. Basically, they aren't really seeing you - your sense of humor, intelligence, confidence, sexiness, the fact you're fun, etc. And if that is the case, your ostomy just saved you from making a big mistake - becoming emotionally invested in the wrong person.

Wow!... Just caught up with all these posts.... Just feel for you.... I had surgery twenty years ago... Fifteen years later I found out my wife was having an affair... Now 67 I have had many dates but it has taken me three years to realize I am destined to be on my own due to lack of self-esteem.... I just cannot take that big step of raising my surgery with a possible partner... So I have thrown myself into hobbies and activities to feel life is worth living and rationalized that being alone is not the world's end.... Yes, there are many times I feel lonely.... But it's just a case of having to suck it up.... And the days when I can smile are celebrated.... Just move your focus away from the spotlight of seeking love... If you don't, you waste so much time when you could be living a richer life....

Hi, firstly thank your stars you only have one bag not two like me,

Secondly, the only solution to getting intimate with the opposite sex is to be honest

about your bag or bags. Wear a stoma belt but make sure before you engage in full

activity to make sure you do not drink much before to limit output. If you have a colostomy, then

you can take meds to slow your bowel motions down like loperamide. It's just a balancing act. Common sense?

If you take diuretic pills, then I would not take them until after you have been intimate.

Oh, another thing: "Never trust a fart"!