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What's the funniest thing that ever happened to you that's ostomy related?

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Thu Oct 17, 2019 10:09 pm

Hi Gang,

  I don't know why I'm don't ask.........guess I'm just in a playful mood tonight.  My funniest was only funny to me, because I'm the only one who saw it........but I'll never forget it.  I was at work and I went to the little boy's room to dump my bag.  When I walked in there I noticed it's pretty busy, with only one stall available.  So I headed on in and did what I do best.  But you need to understand a few things.  The way I dump my bag is to kneel on my right knee, put the bag over the toiled and then pop off the plastic clamshell clip.  Now since my output is liquid a lot of the time it makes a splashing sound when I pop the clip and let 'er go.  Not wanting to freak out those in the stalls on both sides I wanted to be a little covert about it, so I decided to flush the toilet first and then immediately dump my bag.........this way the flushing sound would mask the liquid dumping into the bowl. But despite having removed that bag clip a zillion times, this time it slipped out of my hand and got flushed down the toilet.  Yeah OMG is what I was thinking.

  Now this has never happended to me.  And remember that I don't bring an emergency ostomy change kit with me.  So although no one heard my stuff splash in the water......they did hear me scream "Oh shit.....what the f&^k!  And I just knealt there sort of dazzed and confused for a second......thinking now what the heck am I gonna do without a clip on my bag???  Lucky for me I remembered I had an extra clip in the console of my car.  Not sure why I had one there, but I was pretty sure I did.  So.....holding my bag closed with my one hand under my shirt I high-tailed it out of the boys room and walked at a brisk pace out to my car.  Luckily there was a clip in the console.  I would love to have seen the look on my face when the clip took a dive into the toilet right after I hit the flusher.  I believe the word would be "priceless".  I now carry a spare clip with me everywhere I go......most of the time. 

  You got anything away!




Thu Oct 17, 2019 10:29 pm

Wow,your so lucky you had an extra one, lol..or you would have to run to the dollar store to get a chip clip.. My bags have velcrow so I don't have that problem. So far, I'm 10'years in and nothing funny yet for me.


Thu Oct 17, 2019 11:13 pm

I use a two piece system that is coloplast mio and within the first few months of having my ostomy I always hear people burping their bag to get the gas out. I have done some strange things when I am half a sleep like putting the coffee grinds in the slow drip coffee maker into the water reservoir by accident but I was over the toilet and attempted to burp the bag half asleep in the middle of the night and the bag slipped out of my hands and went straight into the toilet. Glad I was at home and in the bathroom. I am a little more careful now. 

Fri Oct 18, 2019 2:15 am

Hello Bob. Thank you for another interesting post that we can comment upon. Humour is one of those things like 'beauty' , which is said to be 'in the eyes of the beholder'.  With reference to stoma incidents, I have found that there is very little to laugh about when things go wrong stoma-wise. However, as in your example, if you can get over the initial shock  and look back in laughter, then it can surely be classified as 'funny'.


Anyway to get back to your request for examples of humour with a stoma. My contribution does not involve my own stoma but that of a young man who had spina-bifida .

I offered to take him to a pantomime  and, in order to get him into my car, I needed to lift him bodily. Unfortunately, he failed to tell me he had a bag and it was full. Lifting his body against mine, burst the bag and the contents went over both of us! Fortunately, we were still at his home and cleaned up pretty quickly. We had a good laugh over the incident and got to the pantomine in reasonable time. The thing I recall most about this incident is not so much the the mess and the cleaning up, but the positive attitude shown by him, that such an incident would not ruin his enjoyment of life beyond his stoma.

I have recently written a small book called 'Laugh or Lament',in which I tried to grapple with some of my thoughts on this subject of 'humour'. Thus, you have given me another opening to share a verse about this: 

Best wishes




I write this verse for those who may
use humour in communiqué.
Witty gems that are so funny
cannot be bought for vulgar money.

Give me just one laugh a day
to keep my sadder thoughts at bay.
I would go that extra mile
to bring forth a deep-felt smile.

Sometimes it’s easy to be sad
with all the problems I have had.
But when I read those jokes out loud
it tends to lift the darkest cloud.

Jokes can lift emotions high.
They make me laugh or sometimes cry.
If they are wicked or filthy
they tend to make me feel guilty.

I feel I should not laugh at jokes
that ridicule less able folks.
For I have seen the darker half
of these things that make us laugh.

I never seemed to have the mind
to laugh at things that are unkind.
What some humour does for me
is simply raise my empathy.

I am confused to be amused
with all of my emotions fused.
That which should not make me smile
will steal my self-respect a while.

Nonetheless, I giggle too
at humour aimed at me and you.
Out goes all my good intent
as it gives way to merriment.

But I can’t seem to help myself.
Humour creeps along with stealth.
Even under saddest cloud
suddenly I’ll laugh out loud.

So I pay tribute to the ones
who produce the jokes and puns.
They bring me pleasure midst the pain.
A laugh is treasure found again.

  B. Withers 2011

Fri Oct 18, 2019 3:11 am

Good post Bob, I wonder if my post in another topic inspired you. I can relate to that, as I've had clips drop in the toilet. Luckily before I flushed.. Now with my velcro close I never have to worry about that anymore!

There's no shame in kneeling and flushing before emptying. I've done that too in crowded toilets.

Fri Oct 18, 2019 3:41 pm

Been there done it too lol flushed the slam down clip down toilet and it came undone while standing on ladders painting a friends ceiling and few times at work lol I was pleased to get rid of those clips I've been using velcro closures for about 20 years or more now so those days are long gone for me lol.....I keep my mobile phone in my trouser pocket lost count of the number of times I've accidently pulled my top or shirt up getting it out so my top is resting on top of my bag so everyone has a full view of it lol someone usually smiles at me and I know straight away what I've done lol

Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:35 am

My oldest daughter was visiting with her large dog and when he first comes in he runs around smelling and looking for treats and as i was sitting in my recliner i had to burp my bag so that if he jumped up he might pop it so as he was going from one room to the other he stopped cold in front of me and stared like he just saw a squirrel. 

Sun Oct 20, 2019 1:44 pm

Similar one-time only incident, fortunately.  Was in a public potty in a medical bldg and dropped the clip into the toilet as it was flushing.  I've never flushed since before closing off the clip.  Anyway, I folded it down, closed my pants, held my hand over the end of the pouch, went into the nearest office, and asked for a large paper clip.  End of emergency.  **  I too used to kneel onto one knee to empty.  After a few years, my knee was so lacking in moisture, it looked like it belonged to a camel.  Since then, I've perfected my aim from a standing position.  **  My worst incident:  I am a lawyer and was in the middle of trying a case before a jury.  I was making my final argument to the jury when I realized that I was leaking, and I was wearing a light gray suit.  I finshed, we recessed soon afterward, and I dashed to a bathroom.  Luckily I was able to repair what was not as bad as it could have been and the leak only left a minor, almost unnoticeable stain which my suit jacket just barely covered.  It could have been much, much worse, obviously.

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