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What's the funniest thing that ever happened to you that's ostomy related?

Thu Oct 17, 2019 9:09 pm
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Hi Gang,

  I don't know why I'm asking........so don't ask.........guess I'm just in a playful mood tonight.  My funniest was only funny to me, because I'm the only one who saw it........but I'll never forget it.  I was at work and I went to the little boy's room to dump my bag.  When I walked in there I noticed it's pretty busy, with only one stall available.  So I headed on in and did what I do best.  But you need to understand a few things.  The way I dump my bag is to kneel on my right knee, put the bag over the toiled and then pop off the plastic clamshell clip.  Now since my output is liquid a lot of the time it makes a splashing sound when I pop the clip and let 'er go.  Not wanting to freak out those in the stalls on both sides I wanted to be a little covert about it, so I decided to flush the toilet first and then immediately dump my bag.........this way the flushing sound would mask the liquid dumping into the bowl. But despite having removed that bag clip a zillion times, this time it slipped out of my hand and got flushed down the toilet.  Yeah OMG is what I was thinking.

  Now this has never happended to me.  And remember that I don't bring an emergency ostomy change kit with me.  So although no one heard my stuff splash in the water......they did hear me scream "Oh shit.....what the f&^k!  And I just knealt there sort of dazzed and confused for a second......thinking now what the heck am I gonna do without a clip on my bag???  Lucky for me I remembered I had an extra clip in the console of my car.  Not sure why I had one there, but I was pretty sure I did.  So.....holding my bag closed with my one hand under my shirt I high-tailed it out of the boys room and walked at a brisk pace out to my car.  Luckily there was a clip in the console.  I would love to have seen the look on my face when the clip took a dive into the toilet right after I hit the flusher.  I believe the word would be "priceless".  I now carry a spare clip with me everywhere I go......most of the time. 

  You got anything funnier............fire away!

 

later,

bob

These are the top 5 issues ostomates face:

1. Dating and relationships
2. Concealing the pouch
3. Foods to eat and avoid
4. Losing or gaining weight
5. Pouch ballooning

Check out this video from MeetAnOstoMate.
Thu Oct 17, 2019 9:29 pm

Wow,your so lucky you had an extra one, lol..or you would have to run to the dollar store to get a chip clip.. My bags have velcrow so I don't have that problem. So far, I'm 10'years in and nothing funny yet for me.

Dan

Thu Oct 17, 2019 10:13 pm

I use a two piece system that is coloplast mio and within the first few months of having my ostomy I always hear people burping their bag to get the gas out. I have done some strange things when I am half a sleep like putting the coffee grinds in the slow drip coffee maker into the water reservoir by accident but I was over the toilet and attempted to burp the bag half asleep in the middle of the night and the bag slipped out of my hands and went straight into the toilet. Glad I was at home and in the bathroom. I am a little more careful now. 

Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:15 am

Hello Bob. Thank you for another interesting post that we can comment upon. Humour is one of those things like 'beauty' , which is said to be 'in the eyes of the beholder'.  With reference to stoma incidents, I have found that there is very little to laugh about when things go wrong stoma-wise. However, as in your example, if you can get over the initial shock  and look back in laughter, then it can surely be classified as 'funny'.

"I SOMETIMES ASK THE QUESTION WHY - SOME FOLKS LAUGH, WHEN THEY SHOULD CRY" .

Anyway to get back to your request for examples of humour with a stoma. My contribution does not involve my own stoma but that of a young man who had spina-bifida .

I offered to take him to a pantomime  and, in order to get him into my car, I needed to lift him bodily. Unfortunately, he failed to tell me he had a bag and it was full. Lifting his body against mine, burst the bag and the contents went over both of us! Fortunately, we were still at his home and cleaned up pretty quickly. We had a good laugh over the incident and got to the pantomine in reasonable time. The thing I recall most about this incident is not so much the the mess and the cleaning up, but the positive attitude shown by him, that such an incident would not ruin his enjoyment of life beyond his stoma.

I have recently written a small book called 'Laugh or Lament',in which I tried to grapple with some of my thoughts on this subject of 'humour'. Thus, you have given me another opening to share a verse about this: 

Best wishes

Bill

 

JUST FOR LAUGHS.

I write this verse for those who may
use humour in communiqué.
Witty gems that are so funny
cannot be bought for vulgar money.

Give me just one laugh a day
to keep my sadder thoughts at bay.
I would go that extra mile
to bring forth a deep-felt smile.

Sometimes it’s easy to be sad
with all the problems I have had.
But when I read those jokes out loud
it tends to lift the darkest cloud.

Jokes can lift emotions high.
They make me laugh or sometimes cry.
If they are wicked or filthy
they tend to make me feel guilty.

I feel I should not laugh at jokes
that ridicule less able folks.
For I have seen the darker half
of these things that make us laugh.

I never seemed to have the mind
to laugh at things that are unkind.
What some humour does for me
is simply raise my empathy.

I am confused to be amused
with all of my emotions fused.
That which should not make me smile
will steal my self-respect a while.

Nonetheless, I giggle too
at humour aimed at me and you.
Out goes all my good intent
as it gives way to merriment.

But I can’t seem to help myself.
Humour creeps along with stealth.
Even under saddest cloud
suddenly I’ll laugh out loud.

So I pay tribute to the ones
who produce the jokes and puns.
They bring me pleasure midst the pain.
A laugh is treasure found again.

  B. Withers 2011

Past Member
Fri Oct 18, 2019 2:11 am

Good post Bob, I wonder if my post in another topic inspired you. I can relate to that, as I've had clips drop in the toilet. Luckily before I flushed.. Now with my velcro close I never have to worry about that anymore!

There's no shame in kneeling and flushing before emptying. I've done that too in crowded toilets.

Past Member
Fri Oct 18, 2019 2:41 pm

Been there done it too lol flushed the slam down clip down toilet and it came undone while standing on ladders painting a friends ceiling and few times at work lol I was pleased to get rid of those clips I've been using velcro closures for about 20 years or more now so those days are long gone for me lol.....I keep my mobile phone in my trouser pocket lost count of the number of times I've accidently pulled my top or shirt up getting it out so my top is resting on top of my bag so everyone has a full view of it lol someone usually smiles at me and I know straight away what I've done lol

Sat Oct 19, 2019 9:35 am

My oldest daughter was visiting with her large dog and when he first comes in he runs around smelling and looking for treats and as i was sitting in my recliner i had to burp my bag so that if he jumped up he might pop it so as he was going from one room to the other he stopped cold in front of me and stared like he just saw a squirrel. 

Sun Oct 20, 2019 12:44 pm

Similar one-time only incident, fortunately.  Was in a public potty in a medical bldg and dropped the clip into the toilet as it was flushing.  I've never flushed since before closing off the clip.  Anyway, I folded it down, closed my pants, held my hand over the end of the pouch, went into the nearest office, and asked for a large paper clip.  End of emergency.  **  I too used to kneel onto one knee to empty.  After a few years, my knee was so lacking in moisture, it looked like it belonged to a camel.  Since then, I've perfected my aim from a standing position.  **  My worst incident:  I am a lawyer and was in the middle of trying a case before a jury.  I was making my final argument to the jury when I realized that I was leaking, and I was wearing a light gray suit.  I finshed, we recessed soon afterward, and I dashed to a bathroom.  Luckily I was able to repair what was not as bad as it could have been and the leak only left a minor, almost unnoticeable stain which my suit jacket just barely covered.  It could have been much, much worse, obviously.

Fri Dec 18, 2020 8:50 pm

I've had my ileo for 26 yrs, but didn't have my rectum removed until 5 yrs ago. This happend a couple months after that...

On our annual camping/quadding trip in the mountains with my family, my nephew said something that made me laugh so hard I was nearly breathless. My husband and I drove a side-by-side, following my nephew and a few others on quads on the trails. The terrain was rough - lots of twists and turns, rocks and mud, and tree branches that had to be held back as we passed. At one point we had to ascend a very steep incline that required a running start. My husband gunned it, successfully getting us to the top, bouncing and jarring and tossing us both along the way. It was a white-knuckle ride! My nephew greeted us at the top, leaned into the vehicle, and asked me "did that rip you a new a-hole?"

I was laughing too hard to come up with any sort of reply, so I just gave him a high-five and wiped the tears from my muddy face. 🤣🤣🤣

Wed Dec 23, 2020 12:06 am

one of the first times i went out with friends after my original ostomy surgery we had a couple of shots of Goldschlagger to celebrate my being alive and out of the hospital after like 45 days.  At some point i woke up and had to empty my bag, and i was definitely still a little inebriated, so imagine my surprise and utmost confusion when i saw all of these metal flakes in my bag.  i sat there for the longes time trying to think if i had accidentally eaten some foil or somehow until i realized it was the freakin' gold flakes from the goldschlagger!! 🙈  i was seriously panicked about having possibly having accidently eaten aluminum foil! 😂😂😂 so young and dumb back then. 

Wed Dec 23, 2020 3:24 am
WIGirl43 wrote:

one of the first times i went out with friends after my original ostomy surgery we had a couple of shots of Goldschlagger to celebrate my being alive and out of the hospital after like 45 days.  At some point i woke up and had to empty my bag, and i was definitely still a little inebriated, so imagine my surprise and utmost confusion when i saw all of these metal flakes in my bag.  i sat there for the longes time trying to think if i had accidentally eaten some foil or somehow until i realized it was the freakin' gold flakes from the goldschlagger!! 🙈  i was seriously panicked about having possibly having accidently eaten aluminum foil! 😂😂😂 so young and dumb back then. 


Glitter output!!! Now there's something you don't see every day! Bet you were glad you didn't eat the Tequila worm!

Regards

Bob

Past Member
Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:57 am

Luckily the bag didn't get flushed also. Might of cussed even more and scared everyone out of bathroom. I usually keep a few supplies in my vehicle for emergency purposes. Funny story. 

Thu Jun 10, 2021 9:06 am

Hi Stoma,

  Yeah, I guess it could always be worse!  I used to think about what I'd do if something like what you describe ever happened.  The hard plastic clip I use to close my bag is sort of like an arrowhead in that the ends of it are wider than the bag........and I've snagged that clip on more than a few things.  Luckily I never pulled hard enough to pull my bag.....or even my full barrier off......but I can see it happening..........it's just a matter of time.  Especially because I'm one of those idiots who fails to 'look before I leap'. The plan in my head if that were to occur is unclear.  I used to keep a spare ostomy kit in my car, but having never used it I decided to give it a good look thru one day before a road trip.  I opened up the barrier ring and the barrier containers and inspected the contents.  I can't say for sure, but something didn't feel right.  They'd been in my car for like 2 years........which is a lot of boiling hot to freezing cycles......and I don't think I'd trust them to work as required if I needed them in an emergency.  So having never needed them I now keep that kit near the back door of my house, and if I go more than an hour's drive from my house I just grab it and bring it with me.  I will tell you that after flushing that clip down the toilet.........I pay much closer attention to it when dumping my bag.......and have clips all over the place.....on my desk at work, in the car, in my pocket, in my truck.......and all over my house!!  

I don't embarrass easily, but having to walk (run) to my car from my office dripping a trail of shit all the way might just do it.  Maybe.  I'm sure there are lots of those stories out there......maybe best left untold.  

Later,

bob

Past Member
Thu Jun 10, 2021 1:16 pm

I am a professional counselor. This past winter I was counseling someone through telehealth (my computer). Everything was telehealth at the agency because of COVID-19 precautions. As I was talking to this person I felt this dampness in my abdominal area. My bag must of opened from the side. I had crap all over that area. Hard to listen and be attentive to someone when you have a lot of crap on you. I think I ended the session early. Luckily this was done through telehealth instead of the person being physically in my office. Luckily it was winter because I was wearing a t- shirt under my dress shirt. I have often wondered since then if I should have an extra shirt in the vehicle in case this happens again.

Thu Jun 10, 2021 9:03 pm

 

  Stomaman72 wrote:  

I am a professional counselor. This past winter I was counseling someone through telehealth (my computer). Everything was telehealth at the agency because of COVID-19 precautions. As I was talking to this person I felt this dampness in my abdominal area. My bag must of opened from the side. I had crap all over that area. Hard to listen and be attentive to someone when you have a lot of crap on you. I think I ended the session early. Luckily this was done through telehealth instead of the person being physically in my office. Luckily it was winter because I was wearing a t- shirt under my dress shirt. I have often wondered since then if I should have an extra shirt in the vehicle in case this happens again.

 



Oh man..........another good reason to continue tele-working!  I do keep a change of clothes in my car, but not because of the ostomy, just because I always have.  Never know when you have to dive in a lake and save a damsel in distress!  Now I guess they can do double duty (no pun intended).  

You know...........I'm surprised we don't have a dedicated topic on here to "Ostomy Mishaps and Embarrasing Stories".  Let's face it.........we all have at least a few......and they're gonna keep happening.  Would be nice to just sit and read everyone else's "bad day" ostomy stories on those days when you could use a pick-me-up!

 

bob

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