Ostomy Memories of Kennedy Assassinations

People often ask “where were you when…?” The “when” is typically a disastrous event. During the early part of my five months in the hospital which terminated with my ileostomy surgery, nurses kept piling into my room, not to attend to my personal strife, but because of something on the TV. I was aware that I was hospitalized, but not alert to much else, so out of it that I had no idea what was going on. It was November 22, 1963. My personal pain and diminished capacity prevented me from realizing that JFK had just been assassinated. * * By the time RFK was murdered on June 6, 1968, I had recovered and was two days from getting married. Being then compos mentis, I was able to grieve along with the rest of the country. It was a tumultuous year, 1968. Martin Luther King, Jr. had been killed on April 4. Vietnam was tearing the country apart, just like Donald Trump is now, but my wife and I decided to unite. Together, we decided, we could better survive the Sixties. She couldn’t have cared less about the ileostomy. It was just a part of me, like my curly hair. The decades have stolen the hair, but she’s still with me.

We in Canada were profoundly affected by the JFK assassination too. People in my age group didn't grasp the implications of it, but we all remember our teachers being called to the office, and coming back in tears. By the time the other two assassinations took place in 1968, I was old enough to understand, and be in tears myself. A tumultuous decade for sure.

Laurie

So I try to avoid offering opinions about politics and religion, and this scribbling has to do only with my feelings. I think I remember every second of that November 22. I was married for a year and a half and the dad of a 6-month-old princess. My wife and I had never been so proud to be part of the USA. Our world was shaken, and it got even worse after MLK's and Bobby's tragedies. But we were still proud because we knew there were so many wise, kind, caring folks who would help us turn things around. We don't feel that way now. Today, I am ashamed of my country, and beyond writing that, I would need to opine and, in doing so, I would just become angrier and more frustrated, and you folks don't deserve that.

We're thankful we experienced some of the wonderful moments those three brought us.

Mike

I agree with you totally, Mike.  Things aren't like they used to be, and it's not just pining for the old days.  It's gone beyond nostalgia.  That anger and frustration that you speak of, you're not alone.  I just can't make up my mind if the people in the country, and thus the country, have changed in some essentially negative and shameful way, or if it's just some in power and their acolytes that have poisoned the well, but maybe the well can be cleansed somehow.  Good luck to us all, brother.

Have you checked out Jordan Peterson?

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

I hadn't heard of him.  Now that you've brought him to my attention, I'll give him a look.  Thanks.

Mike, the raw emotion in your post is heartbreaking. You can only take responsibility for your own actions, not those of others. If you feel that something is broken in your country, all you can do is fight ignorance with facts and logic, and hope that you are making a change.

Laurie

Jordan Peterson is the darling of alt right ideologues. He is a narcissistic embarrassment to Canada.

Laurie

Thank you,Laurie.  That's all I need to know.  Perhaps he can summer at Mara-Lago or whatever it is that Trump calls that monstrosity down in Palm Beach.  

Hi Henry, just reading your post now and I got a little choked up. I remember the Kennedy (JFK) assassination like it was yesterday. I was in grade six and we had just gotten out for lunch. I went home for lunch and when I walked into the kitchen, my mother was crying as she was putting our lunch on the table. When she told me why, it affected me profoundly even at that age. I had heard my parents speak about Kennedy and what a good man he was and how good he was for the U.S. I remember wondering why it was that everything just seemed to go on as normal when something so significant had just happened. My memory of this event is always tied to my memory of my dear mother who passed away only three years later when I was 14. She was an artist, a liberal, very forward-thinking, and a 'women's libber' long before the term was coined. She talked to me about the assassination and why something like that could happen, even though I'm sure it made no sense to her either.

I can understand the anger and frustration you are feeling with what is happening in your country. If I were a praying person, I would be praying for all of you! We can only hope that there are enough intelligent people who use their right to vote this time and that the Russians aren't successful in influencing the outcome.

Best regards,

Terry

Thanks so much for your comment, Terry.  We're in a bad way these days.  I find profanity to be a healthier and more relevant release than prayer.  Had i been a younger man, I would have emigrated in '16 when Trump was elected, as it was clear to me what was in the offing.  Amazingly, it has been worse anyone could have imagined.  If things don't change in November, we're sunk.  Stay well.  HenryM

Hi Henry,   Like you, my husband grew up in the 60s in the U.S.   He was born in California, served in Vietnam, and then moved to Canada upon his return in disgust of the government's stance on the war.   He's been here ever since and has become a citizen, although he has retained his U.S. citizenship for convenience's sake.   He's never been so glad that he made that decision all those years ago.   We both have extended family in the U.S., and who knows when we will see them again.   Even without Covid, the U.S. is just not a place we want to be anymore, even for a visit.   It is really heartbreaking how much has changed in such a short time.   I have to remind myself not to let the negative stereotypes color my judgment, and it helps immensely to talk (so to speak) to someone like you.   It restores my faith that the whole country has not gone completely insane and that there are still smart, rational, caring people in it who aren't happy with the way things are.   Fingers crossed for November.   Take care of yourselves.  

Hiya Terry,  Thanks so much for your comments.  I appreciate it very much.  You were comparing me to your husband, the two of us having come of age in those turbulent Sixties.  I'm going to compare you to my wife, since your short bio indicates that you were a fraud investigator; my spouse went after tax cheats for the IRS.  Add to that, I once prosecuted fraud cases.  I can well imagine how the two of you must feel these days, watching the USA slip ingloriously into the corrupt slime of Trumpism.  I once gave thought to Halifax, Nova Scotia, which I hear has decent health care facilities, but I'm well beyond the age where I can uproot and move.  Best to you both.   

Well, I'll tell you, if it wasn't for the distance between us and old Covid, I'd invite you guys over for a drink.  I think we'd have a lot to talk about!  I worked for our provincial government investigating welfare fraud, and there was plenty of it!  My husband is a true product of the 60s, and his values and politics have not changed one iota.  We were shocked that someone that unqualified and incompetent would be elected in the first place, but the fact that he is still hanging on after a full term just boggles the mind.  It's beyond comprehension that people don't see him for what he is, a narcissistic sociopath who has no regard for the people he's been elected to represent.  He is incapable of caring about anything or anyone that does not directly affect his own welfare.  Of course, his focus right now is on being re-elected, and he is just so put out that this little inconvenient thing called Covid-19 had to come along to distract everyone from the important thing, which is him, of course.  Sorry, but I can tend to get on a little tangent when it comes to Trump!

Halifax is a lovely city, and Nova Scotia is a beautiful province.  If it wasn't for the harsh winters, I'd consider living there.  I was born and raised on the west coast, where temperatures are much milder.  Vancouver is getting a little too big, but it's still a pretty nice place to live.  We are in the suburbs now.  I'm happy as long as I'm near the ocean.  How do you like life in Florida?  You grew up in Utah?  Must be quite a change.

Cheers,

Terry

Terry, we are not immune to ignorance and stupidity here, unfortunately. I bought some bread on Saturday at the local farmers market, and got chatting with the baker. She told me that the whole "covid thing" will disappear after the US election. I thought she was joking, so I clarified. She was serious. She said that the seasonal flu kills more people every year, and that this is just a hoax that the media has run rampant with. I felt like I was talking to someone from the flat earth society. What is puzzling about this exchange is that she is from France. Surely she must see the devastation the virus has wreaked on her home country, I said. "I don't believe the media" was her response. What can one say to people who are so firmly entrenched in their own wilful ignorance? I walked away, holding the bread I had bought, wondering if it was safe to eat it. If she doesn't believe that the virus is real, is she taking safety precautions with the food she sells? Damn! I chucked the bread into the nearest garbage bin. When I got home, I looked up the CDC information on seasonal flu death rates for the last 10 years, and compared it to covid death rate (in the US). Not even close, even in bad flu years.

Laurie

Hi Laurie,   You are so right that we are not immune here!   We see examples of it all the time.   There was a Hot Yoga facility here in Delta where we live.   The guy was open and running his classes long after the province had shut down all such businesses.   He was telling customers that the heat generated in the room would kill the virus and that the yoga session would boost their immunity to the point where they couldn't catch the virus!   Apparently, he is front and center at the 'anti-mask' wearing rallies they have been having downtown lately.   One of the sad facts is that too many people get their "news" from Facebook or Twitter where all the kooks hang out and the likes of Trump and his followers have convinced too many people not to trust conventional media.   It's pretty scary out there.

Terry

My brain is getting sprained!!! I need to find a safe cave on a deserted island to wait out the rest of the pandemic!

Laurie

I know what you mean. I meant to add to my previous response to you, what a terrible waste of what was probably a really nice loaf of bread, but I think I would have done exactly what you did! Stay safe!

Terry

Actually, we both grew up in Fla and went to FSU.  We were life-long Floridians until I retired, took a trip out west, fell in love with southern Utah, bought a home, and moved there.  We stayed fourteen years.  But because we were in a very sparsely populated rural area, the nearest hospital was two hours away, and I have some medical issues.  Ergo, despite the fact that we adored where we were, we returned to Fla.  Now we have a home that is located between and close to both hospitals in town.  And I know how you feel about the ocean.  I grew up in Miami.  It took me years to get over being a stone throw from the beach.  My first job, in the fourth grade, was raking sea weed at a Miami Beach hotel.  I guess they got around child labor laws since my only remuneration was all the Nehi soda i could drink.    See ya.   HenryM

What a cool first job!