Ostomy people, as we are all painfully aware, must watch WHAT they eat, HOW they eat, HOW MUCH they eat, and WHEN they eat. Some foods may present digestive issues, others may produce the dreaded belly putters, while some induce what I discretely refer to as “the trots.” Importantly, I will rarely eat anything after dinner, and certainly not within an hour of bedtime. Yet, my own personal dilemma, I’m forced to admit, is that I have a terrible eating disorder. Normally, I would be reticent to openly discuss this malady, but I have to face up to it. No, it’s not bulimia, it’s not anorexia, it’s not even pica (eating non-foods!). Here it is, I admit shamefully: I have NOSHEREXIA. I snack constantly, certainly a nervous disorder of the worst kind. Midway through the morning, sitting at my computer, I’m shoving pretzels in my mouth. Following lunch, I may be noshing away on crackers, or cookies, or soft peppermint puffs, or tootsie rolls. My sweet tooth has always held more sway over my daily life than religion, sports, or even attractive women. It’s a terrible burden to bear, I can tell you. The sole plus that occurs to me of Trump winning a second term will be that bulimia-like purging behavior will immediately commence with constant and sustained vomiting, thus minimizing the prospect of continuing to add on the pounds. I wonder if Hollister stocks barf bags that I can purchase along with my regular ostomy order.
Hilarious, Henry! But my husband is aghast that you give your sweet tooth higher standing than attractive women. O the ignominy!
Laurie
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In both of my cases, I had no choice. It was surgery or be put 6 feet under! I thank God that He has been with me all these times. Without Him, I never would have known what to do and might not have gone to the hospital when I did. I don't know if you have had your surgery or not yet but I hope you will hang out on this website when you are done. I have learned a great deal through the people here and it is so great having others who have had the same thing done and been through what you are about to or have gone through. The only thing I have turned down is a reversal of the ileostomy. When the doctors did the emergency rebuilding of my original ileostomy this last February, I told them I did not want to go through this again. My doctor told me at that time that I was no longer a candidate for the reversal. In a way, I was very relieved. The last three years of my life have been a nightmare for me. I do not want to go through any of it again. If you wish to be rehooked up and they say you are a good choice for that, research it carefully. Every surgery I have ever had except for Old and New Maxine and the emergency surgery on my broken foot, I have spent weeks researching. I recently had my C5 C6 disk in my neck replaced with an artificial one. I went to my pre-op with 2 pages of questions for the doctor. I knew everything that they were going to do and could talk intelligently with them. I always try to research my adversaries! Don't cancel your surgery. It is nice not to have to suffer any longer with horrible pain. We all had to change a few things around when we had our surgeries but in the long run, most of us are glad we did it. I know I am. Good luck to you!
Hi Henry, yes, snacking is my favorite pastime now. It used to be sports, and now that my wife is retired, she bakes more. There's nothing like homemade snacks; a pan of brownies barely lasts a day, and a batch of peanut butter cookies is almost like crack to a junkie.
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Well, a sweet tooth is a forever thing, a characteristic one is born with and which lasts a lifetime. Beautiful women, like boats and high-powered vehicles, may afford temporary pleasure, but ultimately lack the durability.
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You are right, watching what you eat, how much, and when can get a bit tedious, but favoring your sweet tooth over attractive women! I got sick in Malta once and was hospitalized. A priest entered my room and I was petrified. I had read about priests administering the last rites and thought my time was up. It was later explained that he visits all patients to comfort them, and that was very nice of him. A friend I had made there took me to a convent where a close relative of his was cloistered. The most attractive young lady you ever saw. I was amazed and thought it was a great loss to Malta, but these are committed people making a conscious decision about their lives, and those commitments must be fully respected.
You are right, watching what you eat, how much, and when can get a bit tedious, but favoring your sweet tooth over attractive women! I got sick in Malta once and was hospitalized. A priest entered my room and I was petrified. I had read about priests administering the last rites and thought my time was up. It was later explained that he visits all patients to comfort them, and that was very nice of him. A friend I had made there took me to a convent where a close relative of his was cloistered. The most attractive young lady you ever saw. I was amazed and thought it was a great loss to Malta, but these are committed people making a conscious decision about their lives, and those commitments must be fully respected.
If a priest ever entered my hospital room, I would have him tossed out on his ear, along with his crucifix. An attractive woman, on the other hand...
Hi Henry, I share your eating disorder but didn't know it actually had a name! You know, dieticians have been saying for ages that it is better to eat frequent small meals than to eat three big ones per day. You could just look at each snacking event as one of your small meals. It's easier on your digestive system, doesn't overload things, so I'm betting your way might just be the ticket.
Your post is hilarious, but I do have a serious question for you about this whole snacking thing. You say you don't eat anything after dinner and especially not near bedtime. Why is that exactly? As someone who is about to get an ileostomy, I know my diet is going to be a huge issue, but what does the time of eating have to do with it? I am used to emptying my pouch at least twice during the night as it is, so if that is the only concern, I'm already there. Is there something else?
I also wish I didn't have such a terrible sweet tooth. I was so happy when the experts started touting the benefits of dark chocolate. I found making the switch from milk to dark chocolate very easy and now consider dark chocolate to be one of the basic food groups. I sure hope this ileo won't make me have to give that up!
Cheers,
Terry
If I stop eating after dinner, that lessens the number of times that I'm compelled to get up during the night. Likewise, I won't eat ice cream after noon on the day proceeding when I'm going to change my appliance, since milk products cause me to run and I change as soon as I arise the morning of the fourth day. Finally, you do know that I made up the name NOSHEREXIA, right?
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Thanks for the info, and yes, Henry, I did know you made up the name! But then, someone has to give everything a name, and Nosherexia is a perfectly good name! Don't you find there is often something lost in translation when using electronic communication? You can't see body language or hear tone of voice or inflection, especially when it comes to humor, there is often much room for miscommunication. Anyway, I was hearing you loud and clear.
All the best,
Terry