Laughing Through Ostomies: Witty Quips for Unexpected Flatulence

My dark sense of self-deprecating medical humor has served me well over my lifetime. Might I give the example of spilling my drink into my crotch before entering a store. I'm certainly at "that age" where the logical answer to such a sight is incontinence. Instead of trying to explain that this was not a bladder issue, I chose to say, "It sucks to get old", not an untrue answer. But I am somewhat at a loss as to how to deal with unexpected flatulence, (greatly amplified due to its location). I would love to have some witty quips, please.

Hi Moi,

Having been in that situation more than once... I don't think there is anything witty that can be said... at least I haven't thought of anything. At work, I've made everyone aware of my situation because when it happens in a quiet conference room while someone is giving a presentation... all eyes turn to me. Knowing that everyone knows it's me... I turn sharply to either side and tell that person sarcastically to excuse themselves. That usually gets a chuckle, and the presentation continues pretty much unabated. But I do keep my coat or jacket in my lap when I'm sitting in those meetings... in a futile attempt to reduce the decibels. I'd too love to hear what others say in this situation.

;0)

Bob

Just cough or clear your throat real hard immediately as the sound is coming out and say excuse me. LOL

Well, there's more room outside of me than inside of me.

Me, stuffing my face with pizza: "Om nom nom"

Stig: "Dude, you really need to be chewing your food more"

Me: "More pizza, gimme gimme gimme!"

Stig: "As your stomach, I really must advise you that your current course of action may be to your detriment come tomorrow morning"

Me: "Moar pizzaaaaaaaa"

Stig: "Please, don't make me beg. The stomach nurse told you to take it easy with this stuff, to always chew thoroughly, not just shovel everything down. I know she did, I was there"

Me: "Whatevs, gimme another round of garlic bread while I'm on it"

All of the next day....

Me whimpering: "I just wanna diiiieeeee"

Stig: "SAY MY NAME, BITCH!"

That's my kind of humor... well, one of my kinds