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How do you feel about a love relationship without intimate relations?


Had my iloestomy done July 2022.  Last MRI showed still cancer there so might need an operation.  If I do then my iloestomy will be permanent.

I am single, love cruising, learning about different cultures.  Have two pups.

Very nervous of how to reveal my status.  Everyone, I am sure, will say no big deal... but in reality that is not what I think others will feel.  Can't get past this.

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If the person you meet is right for you, it won't be an issue. Personally, I'd worry more about getting you right first health wise rather than worry about what a possible partner may think of you having an ostomy. 


yes i have a very close friend we can do evrything together but have sex been that way for 23 years 


Well I'm fairly new to being an Ostomate and new at being ingle and found most of the women I date are very understanding. There is more to intimacy than wam bam thank you Ma'am! Haha


My bestie is female, no extra benefits. 🤷‍♂️

Reply to AlexT

Agree, take care of your health and get better soon. Things will work out!


Hi d, 

  How do I feel about a love relationship without intimate relations?  Well.......a relationship is defined by the two involved, and they really shouldn't care what others think.  Whether it involves intimacy or not is only for you guys to determine.  Also depends on what you mean by 'intimacy', as you can be intimate without having sexual relations.  

  You WILL get past what others think, but when that will be only you will know.  Don't sit around and assume (or guess) what others will think........give then the chance to surprise you.  And I think you will be pleasantly surprised!



Well, I have married twice SINCE my surgery. Both were wonderful men who died too soon. Neither gave a rat's ass about my surgery.  Considered me a strong happy woman. Yes, we were intimate until my last husband was too sick with cancer.  There are worse things than ostomies!  


Your dealing with your ileostomy much better than you realize admitting how your really feeling shows your on your way to accepting it, I'm not being mean about anyone else but you will see many trying to put on a front to hide there fears nothing wrong with that either there just not at the stage you are yet to begin acceptance.  It's early days and you've been through a lot and still more surgery to come so only normal to have fears about the future. 99% of relationship problems are caused by our own minds once you accept stoma it's true it won't be a problem I think since time began relationships without being intimate have existed so if that's what you and a future partner want there's nothing wrong with it or if you want to be intimate that's ok it's just what's right for you and your partner that matters. Keep fighting.

Reply to jeanneskindle

Glad to meet another person who uses 'rat's ass' in a sentence. 😁 I picked that up from my mom. 😍

And I totally agree there are worse things than ostomies. 💩💗


That is what they call a platonic relationship. I don't know what is the word for a relationship between two ostomates, perhaps there isn't one. It could certainly not involve sex and still be a very deep-rooted affair. On the other hand, the latter could be the icing on the cake. In Greek mythology, Eros is the God of love and sexual desire. His Roman counterpart is Cupid. Eros means "love, mostly of the sexual passion," and Philia means affectionate regard, friendship." In any case, nothing should stand in the way of friendship and love. How they are consummated is another story.



Don't EVER let your ostomy hold you back from doing something. Well I guess if you were going to box Mike Tyson, I would not try that.  So maybe there are some exceptions. When you find someone make sure they are into you and NOT a one night stand. There are plenty of caring and understanding people out there.  Jut like any dating finding Mister Right takes some effort.  You got this!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to AlexT

While I love and agree with this, don't you think there needs to be a designated jail bail friend for when you allegedly need to get bailed out?

Reply to crappycolondiaries

Good point, one friend with money. 👍😁

Reply to SallyK

Pleased to meet you!  Jeanne


Have you thought much about what YOU want? 

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