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Am I doomed from having a partner?

Posted by erika, on Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:25 pm
i know for sure that some people have met up from being on this site.myself being one of them and its great to get close to someone who also has a "bag" theres no embaressment or anything it makes having one seem almost normal.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:37 pm
Hear, hear!!

                                 
erika wrote:
i know for sure that some people have met up from being on this site.myself being one of them and its great to get close to someone who also has a "bag" theres no embaressment or anything it makes having one seem almost normal.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:40 pm
Oh, I know this feeling so well. After this weekend, I would have to agree with you Roger That! Was almost stunned having been blown off after several dates and coming clean about my colostomy. She, a doctor, couldn't hack it at all and so decided to call it a day. Just when you think things might be working out at long last!  Knocked down, but not out Never give up trying!
Reply by bmeup, on Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:10 am
I am starting to feel ready to get down off the shelf after several years without intimacy. My marriage was in the dumpster long before my diagnoses and following treatments. Divorce came before my "little pal".   So now I'm sifting around for a way to get out there and meet someone great. I've thought of the online dating thing but it actually seems pretty scary to me. One fact glares at me every time I start reading profiles of men who I think are interesting and here goes-- okay this is a bit of a venting rant, so bear with me and reply with suggestions please.  I get really pissed off when I look at the profile of a man in my age group (I'm 50) and see that he wants to pair up with a woman in an age group that doesn't include me!   What gives?  I have a general rule for my future (hopefully) dating fun.  If I could have changed your diapers when we were kids, you are too young for me. If you could have been my daddy you are too old for me. Simple, right?  There are so many beautiful women out here in my age group...women who don't "look" 50, whatever that looks like.  Can someone please explain this? Thanks in advance for your thoughtful replies.
Reply by mild_mannered_super_hero, on Wed Feb 01, 2012 9:56 am
                                 
bmeup wrote:
I get really pissed off when I look at the profile of a man in my age group (I'm 50) and see that he wants to pair up with a woman in an age group that doesn't include me!   What gives?



since you have no replies......when dealing with men, remember this one little tip....most are insensitive a$$holes.
now, using that perspective...doesnt their behavior makes perfect sense?
you solution is simple, lie about you age.....lol
belive me, you wont be the only female doing it. after all, "all is fair in love and war"
good luck.........peace.......
Reply by christiesdad, on Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:10 pm
                                 
mild_mannered_super_hero wrote:
                                 
bmeup wrote:
I get really pissed off when I look at the profile of a man in my age group (I'm 50) and see that he wants to pair up with a woman in an age group that doesn't include me!   What gives?



since you have no replies......when dealing with men, remember this one little tip....most are insensitive a$$holes.
now, using that perspective...doesnt their behavior makes perfect sense?
you solution is simple, lie about you age.....lol
belive me, you wont be the only female doing it. after all, "all is fair in love and war"
good luck.........peace.......


MMSH,
You are right on about lying about one's age.  I used to go into chat rooms that were categorized: 1. for 20-30 year olds, 2. for 30-40 year olds, 3. for 40-50 year olds, etc
You could tell who was lying because sometimes they would slip up and remember an event that should have been before their time, giving them away.  It was fun though and no harm done.  I iied about my own age and just joined in.
Reply by bmeup, on Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:44 am
duh...LOL!  Thanks gang! I suppose if I lie about my age and make sure I play dumb when someone mentions "Watergate" I should be okay. Haha!  On the positive side I'll appear to be oh so very wise and worldly.
Reply by mild_mannered_super_hero, on Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:03 pm
                                 
christiesdad wrote:

I iied about my own age and just joined in.


remember, there are 3 things that most women will lie about... age, weight and shoe size......she may be 5` 11" but she will swear that she wears a size 5 shoe...lol
.........
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:05 am
I understand where most are coming from, im now divorced ( 4 years) . I start talking to someone (male) and everything is fine they want to go out for a meal etc, and then they find out i have had an  ileostomy they very quickly retreat. It doesnt change the person i am inside, what are they all afraid of.
When someone asks me out for a drink or anything now i just decline, as its the same everytime. Weeks of asking you questions everytime they see you and then i dont think i can cope with what you have.
Reply by nogutz, on Fri Feb 17, 2012 5:38 pm
Hi Starry;

     Please dont decline everyone,If you keep trying you will find good people and new friends, And then you may find your man ,There are many good people out there,I think that it is hard for some,is it ignorance or uninformed,not to sure.It may be a long road, but in time you will see it is worth it.I wish I had a success story for you but I dont,I am on that road still and have meet some nice people along the way,so you could say that in it self is success.

Take Care
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:06 pm
hi im kevin im new to this site im looking for that very special someone with a ostomy i love a confident women attractive and thats comfortable in here own skin etc please leave me a message in my inbox so i can get to know u i dont judge i love women that have a ostomy  there is nothing sexier then a women with a ostomy   
Reply by sfgiantsfan, on Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:23 am
                                 
KEVIN85 wrote:
hi im kevin im new to this site im looking for that very special someone with a ostomy i love a confident women attractive and thats comfortable in here own skin etc please leave me a message in my inbox so i can get to know u i dont judge i love women that have a ostomy  there is nothing sexier then a women with a ostomy   



Kevin,

I thought yesterday in the chat room you said that you were engaged and that you were excitedly looking to marrying her. What happened in the last 24 hours? Plus you have been on this site longer than I have so not sure how you can say you are new to the site. You only have a new username because your former profile got deleted! There are plenty of people on this site especially those that are regular users of the chat room that know exactly what I am talking about and can answer any questions one might have about this situation(s).

sfgiantsfan
Reply by Primeboy, on Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:14 am
                                 
KEVIN85 wrote:
hi im kevin im new to this site im looking for that very special someone with a ostomy


Kevin, this is no place for snookering. Good for Ericka for calling you out. As one Jersey boy to another, let me tell you something in plain English: "FENNAN, azienza me. Tu se provinos sfachim."

PB
Reply by three, on Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:06 pm
                                 
sfgiantsfan wrote:
                                 
KEVIN85 wrote:
hi im kevin im new to this site im looking for that very special someone with a ostomy i love a confident women attractive and thats comfortable in here own skin etc please leave me a message in my inbox so i can get to know u i dont judge i love women that have a ostomy  there is nothing sexier then a women with a ostomy   



Kevin,

I thought yesterday in the chat room you said that you were engaged and that you were excitedly looking to marrying her. What happened in the last 24 hours? Plus you have been on this site longer than I have so not sure how you can say you are new to the site. You only have a new username because your former profile got deleted! There are plenty of people on this site especially those that are regular users of the chat room that know exactly what I am talking about and can answer any questions one might have about this situation(s).

sfgiantsfan


This brings to mind the lyrics at 0.33–0.44 and 2.23–2.44

Reply by cruznby, on Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:36 pm

Hi !  a 25 year veteran with iliostomy, I was honest, told them up front  and like learning sex when were younger, you get to learn it again with someone new !, Ive only ever been rejected once and thats life, not ego, but thats here loss, you can't stop living because you have a bag, I never knew until lately their are almost 1/2 million of us, so I bet their sexually active, dont give up ! m...

Reply by cruznby, on Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:38 pm

Yep   you said it !!!

Reply by cruznby, on Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:41 pm

Yep   you said it !!!

Reply by betrdanevr, on Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:33 pm
Tiggy wrote:

Please don't give up. There are people out there who aren't narrow minded assholes. Try to think of your bag as your personal jerk-detector. And please try not to worry about being alone - I'm sure there is someone (possibly more than one someone) out there for all of you.

Tiggy


Tiggy, that is a hysterical way to put it, and OH, SOOO TRUE!   I wish puberty had come with a Personal Jerk Detector!!!  Touche'!

 

Reply by danieldore, on Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:48 am

HELL NO!!! if a woman looks at you as a burden because of your bag then she is not worth your time maye. Keep looking and you will find someone who is not shallow and pathetic

Reply by Salt.Air.Honey, on Sat Nov 28, 2015 6:08 pm

There are people out there that don't care. I've had 3 intimate partners since my surgery. One was my husband (we split for reasons unrelated to my ostomy) and two boyfriends. None of them have minded my bag. When it seems things are headed that way I tell them what's what and reassure them that it's not as gross as they might imagine, the bag is small and opaque, and if we are doing it right the bag is the last thing we are going to think about. Lol. Plus, once things get heated so to speak, my output stops. So as long as I make a quick trip to the bathroom my bag is empty during sex anyway.

I think the key is being open and frank about it. You need to set the tone and when they see you're not self conscious about it (which you shouldn't be because hello, it either saved your life or gave you your quality of life back), and that you're comfortable and willing to give it a go, it relaxes them. Sometimes they are even curious. Lol. And I tell them if the idea freaks them out, when can give it a shot and if they can't get past it, fair enough. It sincerely has never been an issue for me.

And I agree with some of the sentiments here. If someone can't get past it, then they aren't looking at the whole picture. Basically they aren't really seeing you - your sense of humor, intelligence, confidence, sexiness, the fact you're fun, etc.  And if that is the case, your ostomy just saved you from making a big mistake - becoming emotionally invested in the wrong person.

Reply by scorpiosunandmoon, on Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:46 pm

Wow!...just caught up with all these posts....just feel for you....I had surgery twenty years ago...fifteen years later I found out my wife was having an affair...now 67 I have had many dates but it has taken me three years to realise I am destined to be on my own due to lack of self esteem....I just cannot take that big step of raising my surgery with a possible partner...so I have thrown myself into hobbies and activities to feel life is worth living and rationalised that being alone is not world's end....yes there are many times I feel lonely....but it's just a case of having to suck it up....and the days when I can smile are celebrated....just move your focus away from the spotlight of seeking a love...if you don't you waste so much time when you could be living a richer life....

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