Struggling with Stoma Rejection and Bad Days

Today I really hate my stomy; I wish I could change things back, but that's not going to happen.
Most of the time I am quite happy with it, but this week everything went wrong. One of the things is that a guy I liked turned me down because of my stomy, and that really hurts! I feel really horrible about that.

It does hurt - but let's face it... he really wasn't worth your time and effort. Try and keep smiling, Rach xxxx

Don't worry about it. You'll get used to it eventually. And if a guy can't see past your appearance, he's not worth bothering with in the first place. :)

(((BIG HUGS))) You're too good for him. If he loved you, he wouldn't mind your ostomy; he would just be pleased that you're well. xx

So sorry you're having a bad day. Well, I have two socks (a friend on Ostemate calls his sox LOL). I have good and bad days too. You know, if he likes you, it would not matter. Just think of it this way: When you're 80, you need to like who you're with because the sex part just does not work anymore. Can you imagine someone who is going to be stuck with him at 80...lol. Hope I made you laugh, HUGS..Pegmarston

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Hi! I am new to this site and I was just browsing when I saw your post. It is hard for me too sometimes. I was in a serious relationship for three years when I had a huge flare-up that put me in the hospital for 7 weeks. I talked to my boyfriend about everything that was happening about every week because he was deployed and I thought he understood. Well, I didn't really have an option on the surgery because the infection was poisoning my body, so we had to do a colectomy. I was depressed because I went through it all by myself (I had moved away from home to be with my then-boyfriend). I thought he understood, but the day he got back (not even a week after they released me from the hospital), he broke up with me because it was too much for him to deal with!!! I haven't dated since (my surgery was a year and a half ago). I was told by the doctor I could have the J-pouch surgery after 6 months, and now they are saying they want me to have kids first, but I want to find the right guy first. I have talked to guys my age and even older, and they just seem so disgusted by it, and it hurts. I am so afraid to meet new people and tell them I have an ostomy because it always seems to leave me feeling exposed because someone else sees it as disgusting.

These guys are twats!
It might not feel like it right now, but there are guys out there who are understanding of it, and I know exactly how you feel. I go through the same carry on, disgusted looks, not phoning back, etc., but I didn't split with my last boyfriend because of the bag; it was for different reasons. There are guys out there who will get to know you and fall in love with you for you.

Thank you all so much for your nice comments. I can't send you a message, but I hope to get in contact with you all more. Love, Kirsten

How are you today? I just wanted to say that a lot of people can be idiots out there, and if they are going to judge you just because you have an ostomy, you don't need to be with that person. It takes a very caring and understanding person to deal with us. It is not easy finding the right person, but once you do, life is so much better. I have been married for 12 years, and sometimes I think that my wife wishes that I never had this bag. She does love me, but our relationship has changed for the worse. We are not intimate nearly as much as we used to be. It hurts, but at least we are still together. She keeps telling me that she doesn't mind the bag, but I can see it in her eyes; I can tell that it bothers her. Sometimes I feel like my marriage is over, but sometimes it seems like it is going well. I guess that only time will tell, right? I wish you the best of luck and keep your spirits high; everything will work out in the end. Chris

How are you today? I just wanted to say that a lot of people can be idiots out there, and if they are going to judge you just because you have an ostomy, you don't need to be with that person. It takes a very caring and understanding person to deal with us. It is not easy finding the right person, but once you do, life is so much better. I have been married for 12 years, and sometimes I think that my wife wishes that I never had this bag. She does love me, but our relationship has changed for the worse. We are not intimate nearly as much as we used to be. It hurts, but at least we are still together. She keeps telling me that she doesn't mind the bag, but I can see it in her eyes; I can tell that it bothers her. Sometimes I feel like my marriage is over, but sometimes it seems like it is going well. I guess that only time will tell, right? I wish you the best of luck and keep your spirits high; everything will work out in the end. Chris