Dating with a Colostomy: Seeking Advice and Shared Experiences

Until my daughter found this site and called me with the web address, I thought I was alone in this world with this colostomy and the pouch hanging off my abdomen and tucked in my pants so it is not visible to the public. I have to jump up after eating in public and run to the bathroom to empty the pouch and pray no one can smell it. I, for the most part, only eat at home and am somewhat of a hermit. I have attempted dating, but they always end with me telling them I have the bag, and they never call back again. I live in fear of rejection all the time, so I avoid the public as much as possible and just surround myself with family. I am lonely for that special relationship with a man, but as of now, I still am pretty confident the colostomy is a deal breaker. I need advice on this issue and need to know if others feel like me or if I am just crazy. Since I have had the ostomy, I think I stink all the time, spend all day every day cleaning and disinfecting the house, and am constantly terrified the bag will start leaking.

Karen

Hi Karen
I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone! I have very similar feelings as what you are describing so if that makes you crazy then so am I. LOL I work all day and am always worried about the smell or leaks. I have an ileostomy and I too feel like it is a dealbreaker. I am dealing with it better than I did at first though so I guess it does get better over time. I think maybe I need to get on this site more regularly for some support. Good luck to you.
DeAnn

I feel exactly the same way! I am very scared to go back to dating again, so I keep myself busy by exercising at the local gym and doing things with my son. I am scared as to when to tell someone about the "bag"! Oh well, that is why I am just trying to surround myself with friends who are in similar situations and can relate.

Just going to have to sniff around you to tell if you smell.

Yep, you're crazy!

Hi Karen, so where do you live again? I am looking for that special someone as well; I have an ostomy too. Yep, people can be cruel; they don't understand what happened to us and why we have a bag on our side. They are too shallow. I came to the conclusion that I have to find my other half who also has the dreaded "bag" dangling off their side. That's one reason why I am on this site.

If people can't deal with it, then they are not worth the time and energy to be in a relationship with. Don't be a hermit either; don't let this bag and the fear you let into your life corner you into staying in your home. Get out there and live your life! You are an awesome person, Karen! Believe in yourself! And for the record, we all stink, bag or no bag. You just need your confidence built up, and you came to the right place with this site. There are lots of great folks here who have been there and done that, who can relate to what you're dealing with. You have a friend in me... and no, you are not crazy. I am on this site daily, not a full member yet, but I will be soon. I would like to chat with you some more. I hope I helped somewhat. Many blessings to you! dentalguy44

Airport Security Tips Living with an Ostomy with April | Hollister

Hi Karen, so where do you live again? I am looking for that special someone as well; I have an ostomy too. Yep, people can be cruel; they don't understand what happened to us and why we have a bag on our side. They are too shallow. I came to the conclusion that I have to find my other half who also has the dreaded "bag" dangling off their side. That's one reason why I am on this site.

If people can't deal with it, then they are not worth the time and energy to be in a relationship with. Don't be a hermit either; don't let this bag and the fear you let into your life corner you into staying in your home. Get out there and live your life! You are an awesome person, Karen! Believe in yourself! And for the record, we all stink, bag or no bag. You just need your confidence built up, and you came to the right place with this site. There are lots of great folks here who have been there and done that, who can relate to what you're dealing with. You have a friend in me... and no, you are not crazy. I am on this site daily, not a full member yet, but I will be soon. I would like to chat with you some more. I hope I helped somewhat. Many blessings to you! dentalguy44

Hi Karen, so where do you live again? I am looking for that special someone as well; I have an ostomy too. Yep, people can be cruel; they don't understand what happened to us and why we have a bag on our side. They are too shallow. I came to the conclusion that I have to find my other half who also has the dreaded "bag" dangling off their side. That's one reason why I am on this site.

If people can't deal with it, then they are not worth the time and energy to be in a relationship with. Don't be a hermit either; don't let this bag and the fear you let into your life corner you into staying in your home. Get out there and live your life! You are an awesome person, Karen! Believe in yourself! And for the record, we all stink, bag or no bag. You just need your confidence built up, and you came to the right place with this site. Lots of great folks here who have been there and done that, who can relate to what you're dealing with. You have a friend in me... and no, you are not crazy. I am on this site daily, not a full member yet, but I will be soon. I would like to chat with you some more. I hope I helped somewhat. Many blessings to you! dentalguy44

Hi Karen, so where do you live again? I am looking for that special someone as well, I have an ostomy too. Yep, people can be cruel; they don't understand what happened to us and why we have a bag on our side. They are too shallow. I came to the conclusion that I have to find my other half who also has the dreaded "bag" dangling off their side. That's one reason why I am on this site.

If people can't deal with it, then they are not worth the time and energy to be in a relationship with. Don't be a hermit either; don't let this bag and the fear you let into your life corner you into staying in your home. Get out there and live your life! You are an awesome person, Karen! Believe in yourself! And for the record, we all stink, bag or no bag. You just need your confidence built up, and you came to the right place with this site. Lots of great folks here who have been there and done that, who can relate to what you're dealing with. You have a friend in me... and no, you are not crazy. I am on this site daily, not a full member yet, but I will be soon. I would like to chat with you some more. I hope I helped somewhat. Many blessings to you! dentalguy44

Karen, you sound like an absolutely beautiful person who surrenders her hopes for happiness in life to irrational but understandable fears of "stinking all the time". It's incredible how many women ostomates let themselves be defined by the bag. You will find that special man but you first must make sure that 'fear strikes out'. Don't telegraph your anxieties and insecurities. You will only create false expectations confirming your assumptions. For God's sake, stop living in fear and start loving yourself. Send others the right message.

Karen I was very much the same as you when I first had my colostomy operation and was not confident at all. I was very afraid of leaks as they were occurring regularly, due mainly to my lack of knowledge of the whole ostomy world and different bags and accessories etc. I also contended with the smell issue and this all combined to create a total lack of confidence which in turn drove me to become somewhat of a hermit similar to you.

Over time both from discussions with my ostomy nurse and receiving tips from others on this site things changed. I found a pouch (it was on new on the market) which was very similar to the one I was using but virtually eliminated leaks completely and was more effective at odour control. Whammo up went my self confidence again and I ventured out far more confident in my ability to enjoy the experience.

While I was not really interested at the time in finding someone to spend time with romantically I was back to my normal self socially and this is the first step in the process of finding your way through this maize that is created when you are an ostomate.

You appear to be a very lovely person Karen and I am confident that one day you will find your Mr Right and you will fulfill your wishes.

Take care
Ken