Every day I check this site. I'm not even sure why I do it anymore. When I check it out I see, at the very least, two new profiles; on a normal day there are usually about five. Mostly from younger people. (Younger to me is under the age of 45.) I have spoken to four young men on here, two I have become friends with. They are paid members. When a new girl registers near their age, they message to offer conversation and to possibly get to know each other; but always for friendship and to lend a helping hand if needed. Now, I can't say exactly what is said in those conversations, but I know how they speak to me, I have never heard anything out-of-the-way or disrespectful. I am hoping, unlike the gentlemen that contact me, they are reading the young ladies' profiles to make sure they might be compatible. (For instance: I have gotten a few interested messages from men that are, quite obviously, very religious. That's fine. No problem if that keeps them going. I am happy for them. But, if they read my profile before contacting me - it would save me the uneasy task of having to turn them down or, more than likely, send them a sarcastic reply because I know they did not read my profile. It would also save them the time it took to type the message to me, because they'd see, we are not compatible.) This site is not the only one where men seem to look at pictures, make a mental note of"not too bad" and go for it. But it really is necessary to read the profiles. Mine isn't too detailed, but it's enough for a guy to get the drift of what I like and don't like.
The reason for this blog is because I keep seeing new profiles saying.....I've tried other sites with some luck, or I'm tired of normal people running away or whatever reason you decided to register here because of the relationship aspect. Now, unless these guys are doing what I mentioned above, contacting you without reading your profiles, I don't understand why you do not reply. I don't understand what you are looking for. They are here for the same reason you say you are here. To find someone to love that understands this bag thing and the diseases that make it necessary without having to worry about explaining. Granted, there are a few asses that are only here for sex because they feel we women have such low self-esteem we are willing to jump at the first bite. But honestly, you should of learned in high school how to tell the sincere guys from the cads. I'm also going to say this. Coming here does not guarantee a damn thing. It's just like any other dating site. People look at each others photos or profiles and never contact one another. Or they look at the pictures and say they want to meet, without getting to know each other. Or they are one of the asses referred to previously. Or they are scam artists.
I didn't join this site for a relationship. After a few months I changed my profile and added relationship to the list. One man I started talking with was very promising; but issues seemed to bother him near the end that I didn't understand. Because I clearly stated in my profile one of the things I do, have done for many years, that seemed to bother him the most. So, if that was going to be an issue - why did he contact me in the first place? Another contacted me and wanted to meet right away. Against my better judgement,I gave in, after conferring with my best friend on the matter. It was a nice afternoon. But in retrospect, from the way things progressed in the few days after and going over the date in my mind and with my younger men friends - it is clear he was looking for something I will not give simplybecause they show an interest in me and rub there hand on my back - or whatever thing they think is sending a message I will ignore. He contacted me on here a few weeks ago under another profile. I asked him why he had two...he has not replied. I got quite a few winks and a few puzzling messages shortly after I replied to a topic about oral sex. I was referring to something entirely different in my reply and once I made it clear what I was talking about the winks and messages stopped. I laughed about that. But the first situation and the second disheartened me about this site. After all of this I have taken relationship off my list. I have too many other things to deal with on a daily basis than to play mind games with people I meet on the internet.
If you're truly here to find a partner to live your life with then answer these guys. If it's obvious they didn't read your profile - tell them so. If after a few conversations you just aren't interested - tell them this too and tell them why. It's a lot better than slinking off and ignoring them or blocking them or just disappearing. If you're looking for someone to take care of you (and I don't mean in a mutual relationship) then be truthful and don't say things that lead one to believe you are looking for a true relationship. Trust me, there are men on here that are only looking for a girl just like you. Honesty really is the best policy. I was on a site that a guy said he only wanted fit, young, energetic women to contact him. I thought...what an ass... but then I realized, at least he's an honest ass.
I don't want to hear from anyone that maybe they don't reply because they don't know how or maybe they are too shy. If you are under the age of 45 and have not been living under a rock, you know how things work online and if you don't the first few days, you will figure it out quickly. This site isn't that complicated. May be confusing, but it's not that complicated. Also, if they know how to read the messages they know how to reply...there's a big REPLY button with each message. If I remember correctly, there's two - one atthe top and one at the bottom. As for being shy, why come on any dating site at all if your going to be to shy to reply? (I am only talking about the the ones that clearly state they are here for a relationship not the people that are looking for help and answers.) Can't even think of one good reason why an extremely shy person would think: yeah, I'm going to go on a site where there's a possibility of hundreds of people contacting me to try and find a partner but I won't answer them. Not logical. Or why even say you are looking for friends if you can't talk to them? How's that work?
There was a guy on here, I don't know if he still is, he creeped me out. Every picture of a pretty woman he would put - you're pretty, I'd like to chat with you. Stalker material in my eyes - made me shiver after I read it under so many womens pics. But maybe he had the right idea. Isn't there some kind of saying about playing the numbers? I suppose if you put it out there to 100 people, at least one is going to answer.
Here's my suggestion. Because without the internet we'd all be dealing with life in our own little bubble with the people that come into contact with us within a certain circumference. Would we all just give up and wait to die if the internet didn't exist ? Find a dating site that offers meet-and-greets in your area on a fairly regular basis. POF is a good one that I know of. Put your profile on there, and watch for the e-mails for these meetings. Or as, I believe, PB pointed out to someone a while back - join a club that interests you or even one your not sure of - ya never know what may happen and you'd learn something new in the process. As for here, use that advanced dating search feature and put in your criteria - check them all out and message the ones that look compatible to you. Another suggestion I have for this site, is try to post on a regular basis. Even if it's just to say, yeah I understand. I think I've gotten a lot more messages and made some friends because of the fact I post pretty regularly. People get to know me that way without actually making a commitment to a friendship or relationship right off the bat. I'm guilty of checking out all posts of people that interest me or the people that are interested in me.
As for the every present question of when to tell someone (if they don't already have one of their own). Do you tell every date you go out with all your deep, dark secrets on the first or second date or do you wait to see if there is going to be arelationship before letting out things you aren't sure will be met with enthusiasm? There are more things we hide from hopefuls at first than just the fact we have health issues. If you are only looking to get laid then you should tell before you even make the date. Also, please note, there is a difference in dating and relationships. Dates are what you go on to find out if you want to have a relationship with someone. Some people think dates are now what you go on when you are horny. I make sure I put in my profile what I am and am not looking for. What I forget to do sometimes, but not often, is make sure my profile was read. Nine times out of ten, once I ask if they actually read my whole profile - I never hear from them again.
Yep, this was very long. But it's my blog. I'm allowed. This site is great for advice and information and even making friends. Nothing wrong with making a new friend in life. But it's not that great for cultivating romantic relationships. Especially if no one talks to anyone. I only have heard of a couple instances this happened and I'm not even sure if they are still together.
Mainly this site is not a guarantee for us ostomates to find someone to share our life with. It's just like any other site in that respect. Maybe worse, because most other sites send you potential matches for you to contact if you want.
The reason for this blog is because I keep seeing new profiles saying.....I've tried other sites with some luck, or I'm tired of normal people running away or whatever reason you decided to register here because of the relationship aspect. Now, unless these guys are doing what I mentioned above, contacting you without reading your profiles, I don't understand why you do not reply. I don't understand what you are looking for. They are here for the same reason you say you are here. To find someone to love that understands this bag thing and the diseases that make it necessary without having to worry about explaining. Granted, there are a few asses that are only here for sex because they feel we women have such low self-esteem we are willing to jump at the first bite. But honestly, you should of learned in high school how to tell the sincere guys from the cads. I'm also going to say this. Coming here does not guarantee a damn thing. It's just like any other dating site. People look at each others photos or profiles and never contact one another. Or they look at the pictures and say they want to meet, without getting to know each other. Or they are one of the asses referred to previously. Or they are scam artists.
I didn't join this site for a relationship. After a few months I changed my profile and added relationship to the list. One man I started talking with was very promising; but issues seemed to bother him near the end that I didn't understand. Because I clearly stated in my profile one of the things I do, have done for many years, that seemed to bother him the most. So, if that was going to be an issue - why did he contact me in the first place? Another contacted me and wanted to meet right away. Against my better judgement,I gave in, after conferring with my best friend on the matter. It was a nice afternoon. But in retrospect, from the way things progressed in the few days after and going over the date in my mind and with my younger men friends - it is clear he was looking for something I will not give simplybecause they show an interest in me and rub there hand on my back - or whatever thing they think is sending a message I will ignore. He contacted me on here a few weeks ago under another profile. I asked him why he had two...he has not replied. I got quite a few winks and a few puzzling messages shortly after I replied to a topic about oral sex. I was referring to something entirely different in my reply and once I made it clear what I was talking about the winks and messages stopped. I laughed about that. But the first situation and the second disheartened me about this site. After all of this I have taken relationship off my list. I have too many other things to deal with on a daily basis than to play mind games with people I meet on the internet.
If you're truly here to find a partner to live your life with then answer these guys. If it's obvious they didn't read your profile - tell them so. If after a few conversations you just aren't interested - tell them this too and tell them why. It's a lot better than slinking off and ignoring them or blocking them or just disappearing. If you're looking for someone to take care of you (and I don't mean in a mutual relationship) then be truthful and don't say things that lead one to believe you are looking for a true relationship. Trust me, there are men on here that are only looking for a girl just like you. Honesty really is the best policy. I was on a site that a guy said he only wanted fit, young, energetic women to contact him. I thought...what an ass... but then I realized, at least he's an honest ass.
I don't want to hear from anyone that maybe they don't reply because they don't know how or maybe they are too shy. If you are under the age of 45 and have not been living under a rock, you know how things work online and if you don't the first few days, you will figure it out quickly. This site isn't that complicated. May be confusing, but it's not that complicated. Also, if they know how to read the messages they know how to reply...there's a big REPLY button with each message. If I remember correctly, there's two - one atthe top and one at the bottom. As for being shy, why come on any dating site at all if your going to be to shy to reply? (I am only talking about the the ones that clearly state they are here for a relationship not the people that are looking for help and answers.) Can't even think of one good reason why an extremely shy person would think: yeah, I'm going to go on a site where there's a possibility of hundreds of people contacting me to try and find a partner but I won't answer them. Not logical. Or why even say you are looking for friends if you can't talk to them? How's that work?
There was a guy on here, I don't know if he still is, he creeped me out. Every picture of a pretty woman he would put - you're pretty, I'd like to chat with you. Stalker material in my eyes - made me shiver after I read it under so many womens pics. But maybe he had the right idea. Isn't there some kind of saying about playing the numbers? I suppose if you put it out there to 100 people, at least one is going to answer.
Here's my suggestion. Because without the internet we'd all be dealing with life in our own little bubble with the people that come into contact with us within a certain circumference. Would we all just give up and wait to die if the internet didn't exist ? Find a dating site that offers meet-and-greets in your area on a fairly regular basis. POF is a good one that I know of. Put your profile on there, and watch for the e-mails for these meetings. Or as, I believe, PB pointed out to someone a while back - join a club that interests you or even one your not sure of - ya never know what may happen and you'd learn something new in the process. As for here, use that advanced dating search feature and put in your criteria - check them all out and message the ones that look compatible to you. Another suggestion I have for this site, is try to post on a regular basis. Even if it's just to say, yeah I understand. I think I've gotten a lot more messages and made some friends because of the fact I post pretty regularly. People get to know me that way without actually making a commitment to a friendship or relationship right off the bat. I'm guilty of checking out all posts of people that interest me or the people that are interested in me.
As for the every present question of when to tell someone (if they don't already have one of their own). Do you tell every date you go out with all your deep, dark secrets on the first or second date or do you wait to see if there is going to be arelationship before letting out things you aren't sure will be met with enthusiasm? There are more things we hide from hopefuls at first than just the fact we have health issues. If you are only looking to get laid then you should tell before you even make the date. Also, please note, there is a difference in dating and relationships. Dates are what you go on to find out if you want to have a relationship with someone. Some people think dates are now what you go on when you are horny. I make sure I put in my profile what I am and am not looking for. What I forget to do sometimes, but not often, is make sure my profile was read. Nine times out of ten, once I ask if they actually read my whole profile - I never hear from them again.
Yep, this was very long. But it's my blog. I'm allowed. This site is great for advice and information and even making friends. Nothing wrong with making a new friend in life. But it's not that great for cultivating romantic relationships. Especially if no one talks to anyone. I only have heard of a couple instances this happened and I'm not even sure if they are still together.
Mainly this site is not a guarantee for us ostomates to find someone to share our life with. It's just like any other site in that respect. Maybe worse, because most other sites send you potential matches for you to contact if you want.