Hi Eric,
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm sure you will find a solution that is perfect for you. Yours, unfortunately, was a situation that was near and dear to my heart for about six months. For some reason, I just couldn't get it right. I pored over articles and tried every appliance combo under the sun, but my damn body just wouldn't cooperate, and I was certain I'd have to live the rest of my life as a shut-in. Finally, I stumbled upon what worked for me. Never give up!
I have an ileostomy, and I noticed that even if my output was thin and watery, the pouch could almost tear away from my abdomen if it got heavy enough. I started draining it more often than I normally would, and that issue went away. I also found that tucking the pouch into my underwear kept it more secure against my body so it wasn't just hanging there with gravity constantly pulling it down. (Others wear belts to secure the appliance more snugly.)
If I had a really big meal at one sitting, that could really mess me up later, too, especially if it contained a lot of fiber or caused a thick, pasty output. Called "pancaking," it would build up around the stoma (instead of dropping down into the bag), and it would literally lift the whole appliance up and off my abdomen. This invariably happened at night when I was sleeping. When I started eating smaller portions more frequently and ensured that I drank enough water to stay hydrated, the output would return to normal.
I also tried a variety of flanges and found that the flat ones didn't work well with my parastomal hernia. The convex flanges are better for me, and with a separate seal underneath, I am leak-free. Even with frequent showering, I don't have to change the whole appliance more often than once a week.
You will get a lot of really useful information from the members of this group - much more detailed than the generic articles provided by ostomy supply companies. Again, don't give up ... you got this!
M
xo