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Just want to vent

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Sat Nov 26, 2011 12:33 am
Hi all!  I haven't been on the site for quite a while and when I was I stayed pretty quiet.  Right now though I feel the need to reach out to people who just might have a clue about what I am feeling.  I am very lonely these days.  I had problems in the relationship area anyway before getting my bag but now I feel even more insecure (if that's possible).   I have really only dated one guy since my surgery and he was actually very supportive through all of it even though he barely new me at the time.  Well my surgery was two years ago.  And now he has called it off.  I don't think it had anything to do with the bag though.  He didn't live very close so we really didn't see each other very much.  And while I do miss talking with him, I can't really say we had a serious relationship.  And right now I don't feel like I ever will.  I am 46 and never married.  I am tired of coming home to any empty lonely house every day.  I hate this bag.  Yes, it saved my life and in that respect I am grateful for it, but still occassionally I just feel like I need to say "I hate it"  I love the holidays but am tired of not having someone to enjoy them with.
I promise I am not ALWAYS this negative.  Just feeling down right now.  Thanks for listening.
Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:25 am
Hi poohgirl, Sorry to hear your feeling  so down and lonely.  This is the place to be  come and vent all you want,also  you never know there are  so many people  in the same boat, who are wanting someone to talk to or relationships or just to be a friend. Hope you find happiness somewhere in your life. keep posting and get to know us all  here, the folks on here are so lovely and friendly and are willing to help and listen in any way they can. This site has open new doors for me too.  Hope to see you posting ambies....
Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:58 am
Poohgirl44 wrote:
Right now though I feel the need to reach out . . .  

Hi Poohgirl44 ~ amazing things can happen when we reach out past differences and meet in commonality.

Last edited by three on Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:42 am; edited 1 time in total
Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:59 am
Poohgirl44 wrote:
I promise I am not ALWAYS this negative.  Just feeling down right now.  Thanks for listening.

I didn't feel anything negative in your words, Pooh, only a desire for some happiness. The right person will come along. Let's hope sooner than later.
Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:23 pm
Hi poohgirl
I haven't posted on this site for a while. I did a lot last year when unhappy with my marriage of 41 years. I asked my husband for a divorce 27th Dec 2010 and I can certainly relate to the feeling of being lonely. I have also shifted to another city which makes it even harder. Do you have any pets? I have 3 little dogs and they are wonderful to come home to and the love they give is unconditional. Although conversation gets a little boring.!! lol. You will certainly find someone to share your life with, and hopefully so will I. I have decided I need to get out more and join some social groups and then hopefully!! Do you belong to your local Ostomy Society, this is a great place to meet people facing the same things that you do, very helpful. I send you my love and best wishes. Janee
Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:57 pm
I know how you feel. I am 42 years old and live alone with my cat. I did have a colostomy 2 years ago for 4 years (I called it the" thing that I hate"). I am now going on Jan 3 the get it back for life. I am also scare that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I was so scared that I back out of getting the surgery 2 times this year on the day I was to get it done. I had to get a colostomy due to childbirth (dr.'s mistake).
But I can tell you that it does help that I have my very loving cat to go home to. She makes me get up in the morning when I don't want to and love me with or without a bag.
But I still have to believe that I am going to find somebody out there that will not care that I have a bag. And I think you will too with sometime.
                                                                                best wishes
Mon Nov 28, 2011 7:03 pm
I also understand how you feel.   I took care of my husband that fought cancer for nearly 4 years.   He lost his battle in 1999 then it was my turn.   In 2004, I was dx with colon - rectal cancer and had a ostomy.  In raising my granddaughter, I have been very busy, so I just kept going on and working and keeping up with her.   Now she is nearly ready to go out on her own and I find myself so alone.   I wish I could find a good friend to go places with or just enjoy their company but I am so afraid that I wouldn't be accepted because of my health situation.   Loneliness is not a good feeling so I do understand your feelings.  My own brother and his family act like I have something that he might catch and avoids me.   I am very grateful for the extended life that this ostomy has provided me  but would like to meet a guy that would accept me as I am.
Mon Nov 28, 2011 7:56 pm
I find that there are many of us all in the same boat, including a few men as well though most will hesitate to let it be known that they too are feeling alone and unhappy. It would be nice it we all lived within the city or town and could just hang out. This place is the next best thing for a lot of us though. You do have friends here willing to listen and support you while you go through what ever the problems might be. You are not alone, we are here for you!
Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:35 pm
Hi Pooh, sorry you are feeling down, but you are not alone out there.  I have battled cancer of the colon for two years and have a colostomy and now they have found a new tumor which I will have a biopsy of on weds.  I am so scared and all alone most of the time, and I don't have a pet as I rent and no pets allowed.  I don't know how I will face this  if it is the cancer back, as life is bad enough with the BAG.  Keep your chin up as I find there are others worse off than most of us.  Joyce
Tue Nov 29, 2011 5:29 pm
Hi there.  I hope you're feeling better now. We all have our down days.  I pray the day comes when you will recognize your ostomy as a gift.  I know you probably want to smack me for saying that, but I do believe what I'm saying.  When I think of all of the people I would never have met, and the experiences I've had because of the ostomy, well I'd hate to have missed out on the experiences.  Mind you, I've lived with mine since I was 27, and I'm going on 67 in a few weeks.  Following the original surgery, I married, have two children, and now two grandchildren.   You never know what's around the corner!
Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:04 pm
hi poohgirl44, I feel the same way as you do about dating.  I don't let anyone get too close so I can avoid the topic down the road.  I realise this is not healthy and I hope I will become braver some day.  You are just writing what many of us are feeling.  Someone mentioned that he wished we all lived near one another & could hang out & vent, I have always wished that.

We may not have answers for you but we all can certainly relate to you.
Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:51 pm
Join the club. My life looks bleak now also. alone, in the ghetto, dead-end job, terrible druggie roomate that won't leave, a busted body, Not being negative at all, Just reality. I see people having fun at life, and I am really not... take care mates
Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:08 am
bubby wrote:
My life looks bleak now also.

So, what are you going to do about it, Bubby? It's your call.
Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:58 am
I feel the same way. The Winter here is dark and cold, ti does not help to lift on's mood. But it will pass. This season is not an easy one for many of us. Try to look forward to the Spring and new adventures...
Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:35 pm
WOW  thank you all so much for the kind words of understanding and support.  After this, I can see that I really do need to make it a priority to get on this site more regularly and talk with people who do relate to how I am feeling.  I know that I have so many things to be thankful for and truly I am.  As I said I am just lonely right now.  I do have a cat (sitting on my lap right now) and I love her dearly and she is  nice to come home to, but a human would be nice to come home to as well!!LOL  well sometimes!  Anyway thank you all again for listening to my vent and I hope to become better acquainted with you all in the near future.  God bless.
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