Feeling Lonely and Insecure After Surgery

Hi all! I haven't been on the site for quite a while and when I was, I stayed pretty quiet. Right now though, I feel the need to reach out to people who just might have a clue about what I am feeling. I am very lonely these days. I had problems in the relationship area anyway before getting my bag, but now I feel even more insecure (if that's possible). I have really only dated one guy since my surgery and he was actually very supportive through all of it, even though he barely knew me at the time. Well, my surgery was two years ago. And now he has called it off. I don't think it had anything to do with the bag though. He didn't live very close, so we really didn't see each other very much. And while I do miss talking with him, I can't really say we had a serious relationship. And right now, I don't feel like I ever will. I am 46 and never married. I am tired of coming home to an empty, lonely house every day. I hate this bag. Yes, it saved my life and in that respect, I am grateful for it, but still occasionally I just feel like I need to say "I hate it". I love the holidays but am tired of not having someone to enjoy them with.
I promise I am not ALWAYS this negative. Just feeling down right now. Thanks for listening.

Hi poohgirl, sorry to hear you're feeling so down and lonely. This is the place to be, come and vent all you want. Also, you never know, there are so many people in the same boat who are wanting someone to talk to, have relationships with, or just be a friend. Hope you find happiness somewhere in your life. Keep posting and get to know us all here. The folks on here are so lovely and friendly, and they are willing to help and listen in any way they can. This site has opened new doors for me too. Hope to see you posting more... tc ambies....

Hi Poohgirl44 ~ Amazing things can happen when we reach out past differences and meet in commonality.



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I didn't feel anything negative in your words, Pooh, only a desire for some happiness. The right person will come along. Let's hope sooner than later.
   PB

Hi poohgirl
I haven't posted on this site for a while. I did a lot last year when unhappy with my marriage of 41 years. I asked my husband for a divorce on the 27th of December 2010 and I can certainly relate to the feeling of being lonely. I have also shifted to another city which makes it even harder. Do you have any pets? I have 3 little dogs and they are wonderful to come home to and the love they give is unconditional. Although conversation gets a little boring.!! lol. You will certainly find someone to share your life with, and hopefully so will I. I have decided I need to get out more and join some social groups and then hopefully!! Do you belong to your local Ostomy Society? This is a great place to meet people facing the same things that you do, very helpful. I send you my love and best wishes. Janee

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

I know how you feel. I am 42 years old and live alone with my cat. I did have a colostomy 2 years ago for 4 years (I called it the "thing that I hate"). I am now going on Jan 3 to get it back for life. I am also scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I was so scared that I backed out of getting the surgery 2 times this year on the day I was to get it done. I had to get a colostomy due to childbirth (doctor's mistake).
But I can tell you that it does help that I have my very loving cat to go home to. She makes me get up in the morning when I don't want to and loves me with or without a bag.
But I still have to believe that I am going to find somebody out there that will not care that I have a bag. And I think you will too with time.
Best wishes
dgfcr42

I also understand how you feel. I took care of my husband who fought cancer for nearly 4 years. He lost his battle in 1999, and then it was my turn. In 2004, I was diagnosed with colon-rectal cancer and had an ostomy. In raising my granddaughter, I have been very busy, so I just kept going on and working and keeping up with her. Now she is nearly ready to go out on her own, and I find myself so alone. I wish I could find a good friend to go places with or just enjoy their company, but I am so afraid that I wouldn't be accepted because of my health situation. Loneliness is not a good feeling, so I do understand your feelings. My own brother and his family act like I have something that he might catch and avoids me. I am very grateful for the extended life that this ostomy has provided me, but I would like to meet a guy who would accept me as I am.

I find that there are many of us all in the same boat, including a few men as well though most will hesitate to let it be known that they too are feeling alone and unhappy. It would be nice if we all lived within the city or town and could just hang out. This place is the next best thing for a lot of us though. You do have friends here willing to listen and support you while you go through whatever the problems might be. You are not alone, we are here for you!

Hi Pooh, sorry you are feeling down, but you are not alone out there. I have battled cancer of the colon for two years and have a colostomy and now they have found a new tumor which I will have a biopsy of on Weds. I am so scared and all alone most of the time, and I don't have a pet as I rent and no pets allowed. I don't know how I will face this if it is the cancer back, as life is bad enough with the bag. Keep your chin up as I find there are others worse off than most of us. Joyce

Hi there. I hope you're feeling better now. We all have our down days. I pray the day comes when you will recognize your ostomy as a gift. I know you probably want to smack me for saying that, but I do believe what I'm saying. When I think of all of the people I would never have met, and the experiences I've had because of the ostomy, well I'd hate to have missed out on the experiences. Mind you, I've lived with mine since I was 27, and I'm going on 67 in a few weeks. Following the original surgery, I married, have two children, and now two grandchildren. You never know what's around the corner!

Hi poohgirl44, I feel the same way as you do about dating. I don't let anyone get too close so I can avoid the topic down the road. I realize this is not healthy and I hope I will become braver someday. You are just writing what many of us are feeling. Someone mentioned that he wished we all lived near one another and could hang out and vent, I have always wished that.

We may not have answers for you but we all can certainly relate to you.

Join the club. My life looks bleak now also. Alone, in the ghetto, dead-end job, terrible druggie roommate that won't leave, a busted body. Not being negative at all, just reality. I see people having fun at life, and I am really not... Take care mates.

So, what are you going to do about it, Bubby? It's your call.
   PB

I feel the same way. The winter here is dark and cold, it does not help to lift one's mood. But it will pass. This season is not an easy one for many of us. Try to look forward to the spring and new adventures...

Wow, thank you all so much for the kind words of understanding and support. After this, I can see that I really do need to make it a priority to get on this site more regularly and talk with people who do relate to how I am feeling. I know that I have so many things to be thankful for and truly I am. As I said, I am just lonely right now. I do have a cat (sitting on my lap right now) and I love her dearly, and she is nice to come home to, but a human would be nice to come home to as well! LOL, well sometimes! Anyway, thank you all again for listening to my vent, and I hope to become better acquainted with you all in the near future. God bless.