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Wed Jun 03, 2015 2:09 pm


Last edited by gutsygal on Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:16 pm

I have a urostomy. 5 years this month! ! My sex life is over!! To much vaginal damage.get lots of vaginal infection to!! Nightmare! The

Mon Jun 20, 2016 6:06 pm

Sorry but sexless in Shields here!!  15 years since I have had sex.  My husband doesn't come near me!! 

Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:22 pm

Deborah, I am new to the site. Do you still love your husband? Have you tried osto-lingerie?

Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:35 pm

Ermmmm it's been 15 years.  Trust me I am not trying anything.

Before my Ileostomy we were extremely active!!  Since then nothing - I am not sure I know what love is anymore!!  I care but Love, mmmmm not sure.

i am here because I see no way out of I were honest and I don't want to hurt anyone.  So..... As I see it's better and less selfish to be sexless in shields that to hurt people!!

so no,  Ostmy lingerie not happening😱🤗

Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:16 pm

I do enjoy sex and still can. My problem is that no one wants me. And my husband is not a sexual person, so I don't get any at home either.

Sat Jun 25, 2016 8:43 pm

I realize that it may be difficult, but there are more ways to skin a cat; not that I want to skin a cat...
Most men like oral sex, and maybe you can entice a male that way and eventually might lead to intercourse.

An open mind helps. I firmly believe that friends can be lovers too, as long as both parties understand the ground rules and be open and honest about their feelings.

The problem typically comes when jealousie raises its head.
just my two cents worth. But the prime directive should be feel good about yourself;



Wed Oct 12, 2016 10:18 am

I read some of these replies and must say IMO, they are not the norm. It is totally reasonable to return to a very active sex life, in the case of vaginal sparing radical Cystectomy. Prior to my surgery, my sexual activity and age were big factors how my surgeon would proceed, thank God! So not all is horrid, see yourself as desirable and go for it. And I'm old too! lol Have fun! ;)

Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:16 am

Sex... What is that!? I have a permanent ileostomy and also had rectal failure, so for me, I tried very hard to do it and went to doctors with the same issue. What really upset me was the attitude that just forget about sex ( especially when I am in my early thirties and still very much at my prime). There are other ways that we are intimate now, and weird how much closer we've become and he understands and is certainly satisfied in so many ways, it has always been me that takes issue to this! Guess it's good that he is much older than me and I think it also sort of took time for me to be less inhibited. Once in awhile I put on a corset and even use lace to tie up my bag and then I feel a bit better, even if it is torn off within 10 minutes and over, but it is the psychology of finding a graceful and self dignity in my image. And so I hope you find some solution to this but you are definitely not Alone in this big (pink elephant in the room that most everyone thinks) and I wish you the best of luck with doctors or whatever helps you!!!

Tue Nov 29, 2016 9:54 am

I'm single and don't see anything happening from now on sigh who would want me now

Wed Nov 30, 2016 1:09 pm

Becrhomat you are a women that had more going on than just sex and the only thing that has changed is the plumbing . Change your mindset. It's their lost!!! Angelicamarie 

did you not have other qualities ,you still have those qualities!!!


Fri Dec 09, 2016 11:35 am

Re:painful intercourse

goodmorning, DH I read your post, I had my surgery in 2015, it's funny that you feel that way. I did too, so the last time I have intercourse was after the surgery in which my husband said he couldn't enter . In all honesty he has lately been saying things, I'm sure he wants to now. I think that the body goes through a traumatic experience before each part left wakes up, now I do want  sex but I won't allow, because my husband made the comment, it's too much preparation. But truly I need to get on the good foot myself and try that Premarin, what we feel truly transfers to others so on a bad day what you feel transfers to others.before the surgery, you did not just have a vagina, you had other qualities that made you beautiful that part of you still exists. Surely he didn't marry you for sex!!!!! Love is a great factor!!!!!


Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:02 pm


hello did you not hava a life prior to the surgery? Didn't you have a guy friend , did u not have beauty!!! We all pocess beauty in different ways. You had goals, you had a job, you had good qualities so you as a human being where not based on just sex, your more than that you have not gone anywhere that person is still there!!! It should be why wouldn't they want me ( mindset).angelicamarie

Last edited by Angelicamarie on Sat Dec 10, 2016 9:32 am; edited 1 time in total
Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:52 pm

Hi DH,

I'm so sorry you are having sexual issues after your surgery.    I didn' know until I read through all the posts, if you'd had radiation or chemo.   I have my ileostomy for over 50 years, since I was a " kid" of 15, so I had no pre surgical sexual experience.    But I do know that radiation, and some medications can cause damage to the tissue.   Discuss those issues with your doctor.....or with a gynocologist ( male or female)   whover you  feel more comfortable with.   

My final surgery ( removal of the rectum and and anus)   had some complications....  and some long lasting effects.    Between the ages of 15 & 19 ( when I had the final surgery)   I had still not had intercourse, although I'd been somewhat intimate with a former boyfriend.    I didn't think I had any problems, and was able to have an orgasm.....without intercourse.    But  during the final surgery,   there was damage to my bladder, and 10 weeks post op, I still couldn't pee, nor did I have any sensation of having to pee.    Eventually......I was able to urinate......but rather than just relaxing and letting the urine flow, I really had to " push it out".   The sensation  of  having to pee, never returned.      AT first, I thought I had sexual issues as well.....  I was newly engaged, and intercourse was "" less than fullfilling".    I  went to see a therapist, who gave me some good advice....    He said I needed time, for my body to heal completely, and if it was still a problem 6 months to a year later, go to see a gynocologist..    In the meantime, during our engagement year, we practices with different positions, and different angles, to determine what what most effective, and least painful.    It's 50 years... now....and there are still times that pressure from the wrong angle can cause pain.   But I did heal, and managed to have a fulfilling sexual life......had two pregnancies and gave birth to two battered but basically healthy babies....   Unfortunately,  both went on to develop inflammatory bowel has crohns, and the other Ulcerative colities, but we're all grateful that their conditions are managed by medications.   They are both in their 40's and are raising young our concerns aren't over... isn't easy, but with patience, and the ability to adapt, and be grateful with where you are in life.....we can manage to overcome some of the issues....     Marsha

Sun Jul 07, 2019 5:13 pm
nancy wrote:
does anyone with this surgery still enjoy sex? Please some hope?

I have had a recectomy.  I still have a peri rectal fistula.  I still enjoy it, although I only have a piece of plastic to share it with, currently.  Jennie

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