Managing Anxiety About Leaving the House

How do you handle going out of the house to a friend's or out for more than a couple of hours? I can't imagine having to empty the bag or, even worse, have a leak while out. It all terrifies me.

I bring my M9 drops for odor control and leave my house for as long as I need or want to. If I'm out and about with other people, I say, "Can we stop? I need to use the bathroom." If I'm alone, I have more freedom to plan my outing around being near a bathroom and stop when I want. The truth is, worrying about a leak takes a lot more mental energy than actually dealing with one, and since they are the exception and not the rule, why do that? It's just limiting you. When you go to a friend's house, don't other people use the bathroom? You're no different. You have to get out there and face your demons before you realize that it is so not a big deal.

Open the door, walk out, and go enjoy. The same way as before having an ostomy. The only exception now is I have some wet wipes with me.

Try some outings by yourself first and just be prepared. Then, once your confidence builds, plan things with friends. It's truly mental, and don't let it beat you.

G-Day Robjac2,

It's all been said above. On your first outing, just know where the bathrooms are, and that will make you feel safer. After a few outings, you will realize you didn't need the restroom, and it was just like before you got a stoma. If you do need to empty your bag, then just go to the restroom the same as you would at home and empty it. Carry a small pouch with a change of bag just in case, but after 4 years, I have never had to change my bag at all when out. Go put your makeup on and have a great day out.

Regards, IGGIE

My Ostomy Journey: Kimberly | Hollister

I put 1 foot in front of the other and walk or get in the car and drive there. I'm guessing your surgery was very recent. Time is what you need to get your confidence back, then just go out to a friend's house or anywhere else just as you did before having a stoma.

You may find that outings could often take the same route. If any distance is involved, you will get to know the restrooms along the way for future trips should you need them.

I always have my kit. 1. More bags. 2. Wet flushable wipes.

3. Scissors. 4. Poo spray and my bag deodorant. 5. My cute cover for my bag. 6. The extra straps.

For the first month, I was terrified and even cried. Take your time and do what you feel comfortable with, and it will improve from there. Hope and God's grace to you.

I always have my kit. 1. More bags, usually. 2. Wet flushable wipes.

3. Scissors. 4. Poo spray and my bag deodorant. 5. My cute cover for my bag. 6. The extra straps.

For the first month, I was terrified and even cried. Take your time and do what you feel comfortable with, and it will improve from there. Hope and God's grace to you.

I always have my kit. 1. More bags. 2. Wet flushable wipes.

3. Scissors. 4. Poo spray and my bag deodorant. 5. My cute cover for my bag. 6. The extra straps.

For the first month, I was terrified and even cried. Take your time and do what you feel comfortable with, and it will improve from there. Hope and God's grace to you.

Put a change of clothes in your car and carry a bag change kit. In 10 months, I have never needed any of it except when I had a medical test through one of my stomas, and the doctor ripped the bag off. The kit saved me that day. But I doubt you'll have that problem on an outing.🤣

Start with baby steps. Take a ride around the neighborhood without leaving your car. Drive down to the gas station and satisfy a junk food craving. Gradually increase as you build confidence. Start with a single supportive friend before the large group of friends.

In no time, you'll find that it's very much like it was before.

For some, this does not feel like a major thing; for others (like myself), it is a major thing… and still, after 4+ years, it is bothersome. I add here that, for the most part, I have gotten beyond paranoia. But as all have indicated, just like the Boy Scout motto… “be prepared.” A few incidents have proven to be the experience I needed. Time marches on, and so must you… best wishes... jb

Thank you all. I am not quite 4 weeks out of surgery and am still worried about everything. I will try to take all advice given. I did make a kit to go out with.

Be gentle with yourself. It's a shock to the system and takes time to process. But know that it will be possible when you are ready.

You can pack a small emergency kit to take with you with a change of ostomy supplies in case you need it. Keep a change of clothes in your car if that makes you feel more secure. You can empty your bag while out and clean it off with toilet tissue. You can do it!! Eventually, it will be second nature to you. Just go out and enjoy yourself and not worry about leaks or anything. It took me a while to get that comfortable too, but now I come and go as I please and don't worry about leaks or about emptying my bag. If I have to, I make do with what I have.

Like so many said before me, take baby steps if you have to. I never did; I just went. Having said that, I can't say that I didn't have concerns. Thank goodness all went well. For the first few times, I just had a kit with the basics in it. I then went all out and prepared a full emergency kit. I have a regular-sized purse big enough to fit a pair of pants, a top, briefs, the kit with all the items needed to change the bag, flushable wet wipes, a washcloth, etc. I can still fit some of my regular items in the purse. This purse goes with me everywhere. I don't want to be stuck in a situation where my clothes are in the car. Now, in the wintertime, with bulkier clothes, I'll have to use a different bag. So I go out with confidence and let happen what happens, still being vigilant. You'll be fine!

The one thing that really helps me with outings is if I empty my bag before I leave, check it to make sure no leaks are coming in the immediate future (I can usually see when the adhesive starts to fail for whatever reason), and then I have a change kit in my coat pocket just in case. They do have those extra strips for the edges of our bags that might increase your confidence about going out, but as others have said, it is early days yet for you; give yourself some grace!

Again, you are all wonderful.

It sounds to me that you already have it organized. All you have to do is close the door behind you as you start your new life, like everyone in this group did. We are all with you. Enjoy.

Regards, IGGIE

You got that right, Iggie!

Call me Mrs. Organized 😄. That's how I like things; it makes life so much easier and uncomplicated.

Must be hell finding your keys in that purse. 😂😮

Maybe choose a time when your stomach is not very active at first, take Imodium before the outing, and don't go very far. And think that you can just leave and get back home anytime. Slowly, you will gain confidence.

I have a clasp on my keys. I hook them to the outside of my purse so I don't hunt for them.

I bet Rosen Bluete has a special place for her keys so they never get lost. She strikes me as the "everything in its place" type.

I remember having my first terrifying leak while in high school. I dumped Coke on myself, asked my best friend to call my mom, and just blew it off to everyone stopping and asking as tripping and spilling Coke on me. The same thing worked when I was working 15 or so years later. By then, I kept emergency supplies in my desk.

Brilliant!!! Hmmmm, I think maybe I will keep a Coke in the emergency bag…thx, jb

Thank you! I haven't let fear of a leak keep me home, but now I know what I'll do if it happens.

Very clever!

Let's not be so practical for a minute. The visual of a lady throwing things out of her purse… shirt, pants, tissue, wet wipes, underwear, peanut butter crackers, red/white mints, Goo Gone, pencil sharpener, empty Tic Tac container, and then grabbing the keys and saying, “Aha, I knew they were in there,” is hilarious. 😂

🤣🤣🤣

I've had my ileostomy since 2008, so I'm really used to things! Fortunately, it never bothered me much. Here are some tips to get you started:

Eat just enough before you go out. The less you eat, the less output you'll have. I don't mean be unhealthy, just a little at first so you can see it won't be a big deal.

If you know you're going to go out tomorrow or the next day, change your bag the day or two before. That way you'll know it's sticking well, so you won't have to worry about leaks.

I stopped this last year, but I went to dog shows every other weekend, dog training classes every week, ran with the dogs, got hot and sweaty, and I never had a problem.

In 17 years, I had a leak away from home once. I was visiting a friend that wasn't far from home, so I just packed a couple of paper towels into the area that was leaking until I got home, took a shower, changed my bag, and never had a leak away from home again.

Hello. I share your anxiety. I do leave the house on short trips, but after 1-1/2 years, I still fear going on outings. I'd like to visit my sister, but I told her I would have to get a hotel room and can only stand and walk for an hour. I'm still embarrassed. But we must get out to avoid depression. I'm a loner by nature. I've decided maybe connecting with people who understand would make a world of difference. People don't even know what an ileostomy is, let alone all the issues related to having one. It's not been easy. Even general doctors don't get it! Good luck! Nutrition is hit or miss. Hope to be more involved in this site, now that I've improved and learned. God bless.