I am interested in dating. But when is it the right time to tell somebody that you have a colostomy? I just want to know what some people's thoughts are or give me some advice.
Thanks
4boyz
Mar 06, 2012 4:44 am
mild_mannered_super_hero
Mar 06, 2012 6:52 pm
Since you have no replies, I think right after sex and just before the chloroform wears off completely is a good time......
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Ok, now that I have your attention... I usually wait until about the third date...no need to inform the whole world about it, and you should know by then if you are interested in going further.
You might mention that you have a "secret" or something to that effect at the end of the second date...that will give any woman time to think about any and every possible "thing" you might have to tell them. This will sometimes cause them to accept a physical flaw with relief when they find out you haven't been to prison or aren't a serial killer, etc.
Please keep in mind the above is just my opinion....
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Good luck.
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Posted by: Primeboy
Hi Mike and all. I am not sure how panoramic my perspective really is as my peripheral vision shrinks with each passing year. I can tell you that when I came to this website six years ago I was truly ;impressed by the positive attitudes of so many members, especially the younger folks who refused to let their ostomies define who they were or what they would become. I also came to appreciate that having an ostomy is not the same thing as having a disease. Pardon ;my pun now, but ostomies and cancer don't belong in the same bag. One is a solution, the other is a problem. Celebrating National Ostomy Day ;is also well outside my comfort zone. That's like celebrating National Wheel Chair Day. Come on!
I think there is a ;need for improved ;public awareness of ostomies, but I am not sure how that's best done. There ;remains ;some social stigma attached to our situation, and it's acutely felt among our young. We need to get out of the dark ages on this issue, but not by going 'in your face' to everyone else. I think Bill and NDY are 'spot-on' when it comes to telegraphing the right message to friends and family. People will know how to react when they ;see ;how we accept the cards we were dealt. I also appreciate the contribution some people here are making to this effort through their publications.
On a personal note, my son has been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years just like I did. I am very concerned because people with UC are at a higher risk for colon cancer. Years ago my GI told me to get annual colonoscopies to be on the safe side. I am glad I did because he eventually found pre-cancerous cells which led to several surgeries and my becoming an ostomate. Since then I have always ;conveyed a positive attitude to ;my son about wearing a bag because it has kept me alive to enjoy many more years with my loved ones. I think he got the message. We both go to the same gastroenterologist in NYC and get scoped on the same day. Father and Son moments!
Someone once wrote that our children are the letters we write to the future.
PB
ash1712
Mar 06, 2012 7:26 pm
I have the same problems regarding dating. I've signed up on a dating website where I can be as upfront as possible, and you'd be surprised how many women are understanding about ileostomies. I've found it takes a lot of pressure off me.
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Past Member
Mar 17, 2012 7:37 am
There is no easy answer about the timing, but one thing that may determine how it goes is your own feelings about your colostomy. The chances are that your date will not have come across this before. When you tell her, she will probably not know how to react, so she will be subconsciously looking to you for clues. If having the colostomy bothers you, then she will pick up on it being a problem and it will probably bother her. If you feel comfortable with it, and she can see that it is not a problem for you, then the odds are that if she is in the least bit interested in you, it won't be a problem for her.
Perhaps before you go on a date, try telling a few friends or workmates who don't know, then you will feel comfortable disclosing it. Good luck!
pennyless
Mar 18, 2012 9:59 pm
Just make 100% sure that you know this person will become a part of my life, or you start dating an ostomo-man... I've only told a few, but I am almost at the point where I really
don't care who knows, it's the new Penny...
How to Get Back to Fitness After Ostomy Surgery with Ryan | Hollister
petgirl
Dec 03, 2013 10:34 pm
I have had my ileostomy for almost 26 years. It was my 17th birthday present, and I could not have been happier to get it. I got my life back!
My experience in the dating realm, with an ostomy, has taught me a thing or two. There is no magical date number to inform someone. I typically go about the fourth...only because, by the third date, I have a decent idea if I want to invest more of my time in the person. That seems to be my pattern.
I have also realized that it really doesn't matter when you tell someone, most people either are, or are not, the type of person that can accept an ostomy. No amount of time getting to know someone better seems to change that much. That's not what I believed in the beginning. I do not say that with bitterness at all...I have had both good and not so good experiences.
My truth is this, I have an ostomy, I am grateful for it, and if a person sees that as a deal breaker, then they aren't really the person for me anyway.
I don't really care who knows or not...
Be happy with what you have in this moment, don't wait for what ifs or whens...live your life, and be happy, and you will attract others that do the same.
Good luck!
Sondra, 42, Hamilton