Intimacy with Two Ostomates: Seeking Advice

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Tink75

I was hoping to get some advice on what it would be like to be intimate with a man who also has an ostomy. Are there restrictions on what can be done? What are the complications? If you could reply, that would be wonderful. Thank you!

Immarsh

Hi, my name is Marsha, and I've had my ileostomy for more than 50+ years, since I was 15. I became active in the NY Ostomy Association....and when I was 19, I met and married a guy I met through the association. There were no problems with both of us having ostomies, except for creating enough storage in our bathroom for all our supplies. We were both virgins, so we navigated our intimate life together.....figuring out what worked for us, and what didn't. For example, we both didn't take baths, so we showered together. We had a healthy sex life, but unfortunately, the ostomies weren't enough to keep us together, and we divorced after 24 1/2 years of marriage. But we did have 2 sons together. It may seem that marrying an ostomate is a good solution, but what really matters most is being loving, caring, and compassionate partners. Everyone has "baggage", and those who have had a really difficult time of it tend to bring a lot of it along with them. I could say "no pun intended", but that wouldn't be true. The one topic we couldn't talk about was how we managed our ostomy. Ironic, isn't it? Best of luck to you. Marsha

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Tink75

Thanks for telling me your story... it helped a lot. I'm from My too!

NJ Bain

Tink75,

I'm sure there are older posts on this subject but I think it's a great question that needs to be revisited. Especially for those who are new to having an ostomy.

I personally don't think there are any complications or restrictions as long as neither one of you is fresh out of surgery. I haven't been intimate with another ostomate, but I don't think it would be a big deal.

I think it would also depend on if it's for love or if it's just casual. I've had my ileostomy for almost 22 years now. I've never had an issue with intimacy. I never let my bag hold me back. I've always told potential partners that I have a bag right from the get-go. And it's kind of like a bitch detector. If a woman can't handle me having a bag, she's not worth my time and I'd move on. But to be honest, I've never had a woman turn me down because of the bag. By the time it got to doing the deed, a woman would be so hot and bothered that a bag on me was the furthest thing from their minds...lol

I guess it would also depend on if both ostomates had the same ostomy. Like if 2 people had an ileostomy. It would be like Yin and Yang. I would say use wraps or lingerie that keeps the ostomy out of the way. That way you could focus more on lovemaking than worrying about your ostomies. I use a wrap to keep mine out of the way and it works fantastic! And being that you're both ostomates, you can understand what the other person is going through, especially if by some chance, you have a leak or something. By the way, I've never had a leak during sex.

It would also depend on you and your partner's confidence. I think this is key. Talk to your potential partner and figure out each other's wants, needs, and worries. If he wants the same thing you want. IE, do you want to pursue a relationship or is it just sexual attraction? I mean if 2 people desire each other sexually, I don't see a whole lot holding them back. But either way, no regrets. You only live once. At least that's my 2 cents worth. Hope this helps.

Bain

Tink75

Thank you for all your advice, Bain. I have had my ileostomy for 8 years and I'm still trying to deal with it. I had sex a few times and I did leak once, but that was because he somehow loosened the clip! Lol! Are you in a relationship now?

Allie

 
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vollovr

Hello, I chuckle each time I read your replies because your intimate experiences and outlook on sex mirror mine. Never had a problem with multiple partners too. You are an inspiration and hope your upbeat attitude encourages more people on here. Having an ostomy is not gloom and doom!

vollovr

I was responding to Bain's post

chet8625

I use Coloplast's two-piece setup (base plus pouch). A couple of times during more strenuous intimacy, I have managed to pull the pouch off the base, usually when it gets caught under my wife. I've managed to avoid that by tucking the pouch under the belt I wear to keep it closer to my body. I know that there are products out there like a wrap that goes around your waist that holds the pouch in place that would probably help.

sunasea

Hi, I think a physical relationship between people with an ostomy would be wonderful; they would understand each other. And I see nothing that could get in the way. I wish I had that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Tom

NJ Bain

@vollovr,

Glad I could make you laugh....lol. I try hard to convey my good attitude. I do understand that a lot of ostomates have body issues, but I've never had to deal with that luckily.

@chet8625,

The wraps are awesome. Mine keeps everything in check.

Bain

spinbot

I should comment that I have a very open mind and open mouth, and much is said in good humor. I may use words or share ideas that may not be for everyone, but bear in mind, the topic is about sex! I do know when to be a good boy/professional in my behavior :)

I'm no expert on front side poop-hole couples, but I figure it would be as good as mixed poop-hole couples and backside poop-hole couples. I do wonder if it's better if you have your stomas on the same side, so when you are bouncing off each other they are on opposite sides! The biggest issue I had was the bag getting in the way when in doggie position, but all it really took to fix was a couple little pieces of tape (folding the bag up). I always emptied before petting as I prefer to hear the pelvic slap over the slosh of a bag of crap (yeah, I can drop a rhyme) :) I think the one item that might be off the table is ass-play. I always used to say if I go to jail ever, I will have the safest ass, but my brother quickly reminded me I would have the sorest throat.

Tink75

Lol!!! I enjoyed reading your post most of all!!! It made me laugh so hard!!! Thank you for that!

I would think they would have to be on opposite sides for it to work...no??? At least I think so!!!

spinbot

For them to not be touching each other when you are facing each other, that would make them on the same side when both face forward. Now if you are more of a 69 type of woman than yes, they would have to be on opposite sides before you get into position. Speaking of 69, at least those that have their former bung hole sewed shut, their partner never has to worry about their nose going in a dirty spot. Seeing I can't sleep, I gave this further thought and realized that no woman is usually close to my height (I'm not a giant, just about 6'1"), the stoma side may not even be an issue. If you happen to be a 6" tall woman, then I would be happy to drive to your place right now and test a few things out (being with a tall woman has been on my fantasy list for most of my life. If you happen to also be a bi-curious, virgin gymnast, then we can skip right to marriage) :)

Tink75

Lol!!! You're too much!!! Email me or private message me in chat... I'll see what I can do!!!

Allie

sturdy48

This is a subject I am struggling with. Maybe we could chat.

Tink75

Sure thing! Private message or email me anytime!

Hermit

I have had an ostomy for 3 years. Just met a woman who could care less. Very intimate. Doesn't stop anything? They are out there. Met on a dating site. Hope this helps. Going on a road trip this morning!

NewlifeVictoria

Hi ostomate friends. When I say I went through a lot and have an ileostomy and colostomy bag, I get this... OH and never hear from them again. Everyone has been replying with what happened and they never talk to me again. I was left by a man for 12 years in my life and he said FU, and it's been a year since March 15, 2019. So I'm trying to figure out many things and how to be my best friend. Any advice, Victoria?

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