Does stoma stay inactive during sex?

Having read all the literature I can find, not one document addresses this obvious question: Does the stoma remain inactive during sex? Or can you have a release at any time? I have a feeling I won't like the answer. A padded stoma cover is so comfortable and not at all intrusive, but it will not protect me from my stoma when it becomes active. It always seems to be active. Any and all answers will be read and appreciated. DLS

Hi from Baltimore. It depends on if you eat before and how many times a day you eat. Timing is everything with a stoma. I don't pass stool unless I start eating while I'm having sex. And by the way, if you don't make any deal with your ostomy, they don't mind. My dates just look up and smile. If you smile and don't make much of it, you will find ways to cover up until you're done. A little may come through, but if you control your diet, you can have fun. Jerz looking at you.

I have an ileostomy. It can have output at any time. I use a maternity wrap band to keep the bag secure during and most of the day when I'm out.

Your output depends entirely on your diet. Timing of output...you'll find a groove. I'm active 1 hour after eating, and 6 hours after eating that same meal. In between, yeah, sometimes there's some output, but it's not a huge amount for me. This is very individual. To note - if you exercise very intensely, your guts completely turn off during the activity, zero output. But once the activity ends, your guts will become active. You should be intense... bang your partner and don't worry so much.

Matt

Hello  dls.  I note from your profile that you have a colostomy.  Worries about output can be almost completely resolved if you can irrigate. I would strongly suggest looking into this process as it will make life so much more manageable as all the output is concentrated into a much shorter timespan and you will then be free from output until the next irrigation session. It's not for everyone but well worth giving it a trail period to see how you get on.

There are plenty of past posts on irrigation in the 'Premium Content' section if you want to see what others have had to say on the subject. 

Best wishes

Bill

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

You know what, right there is probably the best advice you can get, this Canadian got it going on, straight to the point, you could even call it honest. That is because 'digestion' is hardly ever brought up. Why? Because it can be nasty talking about it! But it is not, as you can see from this comment.

I work part-time. The days I work, about ten days a month, I totally fast. Not only that, I use the high-output two-piece system from Hollister, which is wonderful for the days I work. If there is a sudden output which happens here and there, no problem, no worries, keep working. I do this because I do not like dealing with bullshit when I am working, and fasting keeps my weight in check. Now, like my buddy here said, just bang away man. And follow the example just given. This is someone that knows his digestion to a T, when, what, how, etc. A Food Scientist I would say. If you don't become a food scientist of your own crap, you are lost. We are all different, all of us. I fast, some people might find that extreme, but I hate being fat, so it works because I like to eat, and I also work out. Just find your groove once you are the master of your domain, aka 'you are the new colon so better study well'.

My take, and many would disagree, is the day I bang, I don't eat, period. Once I bang, we binge, how is that? There are all kinds of things you can buy today to have a hell of a good time. There are these very discreet bags, very small, you can use just for a few hours, and free you from a bigger piece. There are so many options. I think the key is the confidence you read in this comment. If you feel confident, you rule.

Once you know your digestion, energy, comfort levels, then you need confidence. I believe personally giving this condition too much thought is to drive yourself crazy. Do you know what to do once you get there? Do you know where all the pieces are, what they do and what you can do, how to throw some fuel to the fire; that is way more important than 'the bag'. Knowing your digestion is the first step to freedom, then personalize it. It is much simpler than it appears. I would not care if my partner had a balloon and my head was hitting against it, after two full glasses of wine, it is all good.

Do as the Romans do, be a Hedon. Epicurus and pleasure.

Stomach cover? I had my ostomy last Nov. I too, wondered about intimacy. I'm not in a relationship at the moment. I do know from blogs that they mention cutting back on eating that day. My stoma (Stella) is always active... Not sure how we get around it. A loving understanding partner I guess. :)

No matter what people try to tell you....it will always work!!! And at the wrong moments....it will gurgle...fart...stink....all the things you don't want it to do. It will look wrong...it will look gross.....if you're with the wrong person and they don't understand or don't like it............dump them because they aren't worth a second of your life trying to please them..........find someone else!!!!.....Do I sound cold....I've had mine for over 20 years.

Never had a problem with sex. Empty pouch before sex. Four years after my husband died, I remarried, he had no problem with my ostomy pouch.

Have to admit, pouch popped open once. Now have a continent ileostomy.

Hello, when I know I'm going to have sex, it is usually planned. I am widowed and have been intimate several times with different ladies! Most don't even know about the bag. The serious ones do and accept it! I do not eat very much the day of and certainly not gassy foods! Sometimes I have to stop and burp. Of course, in the morning is the best time to be intimate. No movement! Good luck! Works for me!

Man... You have the right head on your shoulders. I love your statement, "Become a food scientist of your own crap." That is so true. The brief fasting method works for me too. I try to keep my appointments for the morning and fast prior to them. Usually, I can go until about 1pm comfortably fasting. When I get home, I eat. The tough one is going out in the evening. What I do is eat a very light breakfast and then stop eating until I get home later that night. This is not so easy, but there's no way I want to be running to the public restroom in the middle of a movie or show, etc. Fasting gives me control, and as long as I drink water all day, I'm fine. I love that control the fasting gives me. Just drink!

Exactly what I do and it works! Permanent colostomy!

Go with the flow! Sometimes you can plan your sexual encounters, and fast or plan accordingly, and all is good. But sometimes, spontaneous sex can be the best sex! In which case, excuse yourself to "freshen up" in the nearest restroom and change or empty your pouch - and then don't think about it, just enjoy! Self-confidence masters strange noises; and if you've never had any strange noises (non-stoma-related) during sex - ya ain't doin' it right!

If you would still prefer to "cover up", think outside the box. Try approaching the bed wearing nothing but a sexy sash or large scarf across your middle (incidentally covering up your appliance). Instead of looking like you're hiding something, it looks like you're trying to be seductive.

Remember, always THINK sexy, and you'll always BE sexy. The rest just doesn't matter. (And if it does matter to your partner, seriously consider another partner. Life is too short to be with someone who thinks you are less than you are.)

Sorry to rattle cages but this is my reply... I'm a lustful man... I love to experiment... to please the lady I'm with... I'm very much a from here to eternity type of love maker... rolling around in the surf... ripping each other's clothes off in the sea... hard to plan that... in fact, I find that sad... plan what to eat... or drink... what hour you're going to do that... mustn't eat the fish in case it smells... or the curry... or chilies in case it blows the pouch off... I had a relationship with a lady who had an ileostomy... she would hide it... conceal it almost secrete... not eat for a couple of days... I changed all that... we had sumptuous meals and wine... we made free unencumbered love... culminating in bathing together... and washing each other's stomas... her life was opened up and she never looked back

This is one of the best entries of all times. Love the honesty of it, the humanity of it, the reality of it. I love lust, and romance, feeling intensely the moment and making it last, exploding together, moaning till the sun explodes. Stomas are like NYC, a state of mind. If you give up on passion, it's game over. There are as many ways to experience it as you are willing to explore.  

My stoma is not my financial advisor. So when it "speaks," I don't always listen. Life is too precious. Live it on your terms and a truly loving partner will help you - no matter what the flow. Only, and all, the best to you...

I'm with Bill on this: irrigation is the answer!!! When you irrigate, you worry about nothing, no gas, no blowups, no fasting, no special foods and no planning! It's all pretty normal, pretty much like before we got the stoma that changed and saved our lives.

Your bowels and ostomy have their own schedule. No way of willing them to discharge or not discharge. Yes, you will have discharge at any time and yes, during sex. Sorry for the bad news.

Irrigate! 1-1/2 months after my surgery, I started irrigating every morning around the same time and I go all day worry-free. Granted, as with anyone with or without a stoma, you can have an upset tummy at any time. I wear a cap during sex and no problem. If you have a partner with an open mind, you don't even think or worry about it. I've had mine for 3 years, and it is permanent.

If there's a will, there's a way! So much for an open mind, DMO 101

I love the name of your stoma!!

I didn't give the name of my stoma. Thanks for calling, anyway.

I really like it, too. DLS

It won't stop during sex, why would it? I'm thinking if you don't eat maybe. And by the way, your cover is nice. Where did you get it? Thanks. Have a great day, Victoria.

What did he name it? I don't see a name. Padded covers, he said. How are you? Just thought I would say hello, Victoria.

Sex in the morning before stomach wakes up! Never a problem! Have fun!