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Intimacy with Ileostomy

Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:48 pm
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I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by

God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest

after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates.  I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treatred like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, diners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From nowon I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good!  So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girl friend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!

These are the top 5 issues ostomates face:

1. Dating and relationships
2. Concealing the pouch
3. Foods to eat and avoid
4. Losing or gaining weight
5. Pouch ballooning

Check out this video from MeetAnOstoMate.
Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:35 am

I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by

God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest

after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates.  I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treatred like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, diners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From nowon I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good!  So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girl friend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!

Sat Nov 01, 2014 5:43 pm

i think my husband leaving me because of my iliostomy has made me feel unloverble

i dread rejection as i know what it feels like, frown

i would not dare think of a relationship with a man unless it was platonic

leah x

Tue Feb 02, 2021 7:59 pm
Anonymous wrote:
yikes.  that post totally made me want to throw up.  You just proved my point that intimacy/sex with an ileostomy or colostomy is just disgusting and no one wants to do it with someone that has one.  It's clear you don't!!


It starts with your attitude about life and not just your stoma. I would be willing to bet that you are negative about almost everything.   If you can say one positive thing each day and build on that, you might , in 100 years come full circle.

 

Sat Mar 06, 2021 4:24 pm
Anonymous wrote:
I'm just speaking about MY experience of six years as an ostomate.  I'm glad for anyone who has an ostomy that still have the luxury of an intimate life.  I do not and have not been able to find one in the six years since my surgeries.  I hate my ostomy.  That's honest.  I HATE it and what it's done to my life.  Sure other people have it worse, I'm not saying that I have it worse than most.    Other people are other people, they aren't living in my mind or body.  I am living my life, my reality is my reality.  I HATE my reality.  I believe, notice i said I believe, it's one of the cruelest things that could be done to a person.  Somethings are worse than death.  Just MY experience.  I applaud others who have found happiness and life after their surgeries.  I have not.


Hi everyone ,

        I know this is an old post on a very serious and problematic aspect of having an Ostomy ....any physical  "correction" which involves shit or urine or nasty bodily fluids possibly coming into contact with a Loved one or even a Not so loved one . Some people must depend on another person to remove a shitty bag or clean up after a burst shitty bag dumps your shit all over a bed , a floor or on top of the Loved One while having sex or fooling around . This is now a fact of our lives , nothing is going to change it !! My Brother often mentions to me how amazing medicine is becoming and a person may soon be able to have a custom made Colon ( etc, etc ..)  grown for them in a lab . This will not help those with an Immune disorder which will attack the new Colon , just as it attacked the old one. Your body has to accept it as Your body part. I could sarcastically answer him with ..." that's not going to help me .."  but what I say is by that point stem cell research and Gene Therapy will be able to fix this Immune system problem a well , the glass is half full , not half empty !! The pain and suffering we go through are the foundations upon which future medical breakthroughs are built. I was one of the first people to have a  " J Pouch " constructed in Walnut Creek California in the mid 80's . It worked well for a number of years and I should have had it removed or disconnected as soon as Pouchitis first developed . Instead I stuck with it for many years and was told that it could get better , then it was " my own fault "  that it was not working , blaming the victim you might say . My bad experiences paved the way for many developments since then . The bags were really crap in those days , a plastic clip held it closed at the bottom. That clip broke many times and dumped a whole bag of liquid shit down my leg more times than I care to remember. Bags and Wafers , adhesives and closures are so much better now . All these improvements were built on the pain and suffering of earlier Ostomates . 

    "Past Member " wrote that some things are worse than death and I must agree that in some scenarios that is true , just my personal opinion . Being in a " Locked In " condition , you know and see what's happening but cannot move or speak, just move your eyes , now that would be a fate worse than death ( for me ) . Worse than death is in the eye of the beholder . For a long time I woke up every morning , looked in the mirror and asked .." why couldn't I just have died , my heart stopped , I was unconscious for a couple of weeks and nobody knew if I would ever wake up or if my mind would be in tact when I did wake up , they should just have let me die . I really believed that and was miserable for a very long time . I thought about helping things along and killing myself many times. Then I thought , you can kill yourself at any old time but right at that moment life was preferable but still left that option on the table. Choosing to live is a decision that can be changed , choosing to Die is a decision that Cannot be changed , when it's done it's done. 

    I should write a log just about this experience in detail but I will give you the abbreviated version right now . As I rode my bike across the Golden Gate Bridge one morning about 7 AM going for my morning bike ride , a beautiful, perfect San Francisco early Fall day , no fog , perfect blue skies , beautiful views from the bridge of the city that I love I had a rare and life changing  encounter . As I biked around the North tower I screeched to a halt , literally ( I'm fast on the bike !! ) . There was a person with long blonde hair standing on the painters platform ( like a small train track ) on the SF side of the bridge . Her long blonde hair was blowing straight up with the updraft at the tower . She held on with one hand and her feet were on the outer track , next step was the rushing very cold water current flowing out to the Pacific , almost a 250 foot drop from rail to water . I stopped beside her , I could reach out and touch her she was that close . She wore a long cloth coat which blew in the wind like her hair . AT first I didn't believe my own mind which told me she was going to jump so I said , that's a pretty dangerous place to get the best view of the city , maybe you should come back in here , take my hand I'll help you down . She just turned her head slightly , not enough to get a full view of her face as her long hair whipped up and down and around her face . I could have grabbed the long coat but , what if she was just messing and not really intending to jump ???  she could slip out of her coat and fall if I grabbed it . I had something less than ten minutes to talk her down . A lady jogging on the bridge ( just one person , the bridge was empty , just cars whizzing by ) stopped and I told her to get the bridge patrol and I would keep an eye on the Blonde lady on the rail. 

    The Coast Guard Station is on the beach very near the bridge and soon I could see them scrambling with their gear , hopping into the ver fast  rescue boat . Then I looked up and the lady had let go  of the rail with both hands . She held her arms out at full stretch and looked straight ahead at the postcard perfect view of Alcatraz , the white beach of Crissy Field , the beautiful woodland of the Presidio , Angel Island in the middle of the Bay . She stood there for maybe a minute or two , just standing being buffeted by the updraft of cool morning air . This was the quintissential San Francisco Fall morning , so perfect, so beautiful , the reason so many people come here and never want to leave . 

   She turned her face to the cloudless blue sky as she lifted her two feet simultaneously off the narrow rail and leapt out from the rail . She was looking straight up as her body cleared the track and she was on her back , coat fluttering in the wind , her hair flying up and whipping around her head . My first thought was that the big coat might act as a parachute and break her fall a little . My next thought was how quietly she seemed to drift off the bridge , she made no sound , no scream , no arms flailing , no hands grasping for salvation , trying to take back her decision to jump . She was totally silent and seemed to be resigned to her fate , to the fate she had chosen for herself , resigned to the fact that she was just about to die . It felt like forever , her fall , seemed like slow motion , so much was going through my mind as she got smaller and smaller , as she came closer to her death . I think I thought , she is alive right now , right this minute but I know and she knows that she will be dead , just a bag of dead bones inside a dead cold skin in less than 30 seconds but it felt like 30 minutes . I wondered what she might be thinking as she floated through the air , she apparently didn't regret doing it ??  was she talking to her God , asking to be forgiven for not wanting the life that her God gave her , for wanting to give her life back , was she just Defective and had to be sent back to the Baby ( life )  producing " factory " . Did she feel guilt at giving back her gift of life ??? I had time in those seconds to think of all kinds of things between her jumping and the moment she hit the waves , I wondered what she was thinking , maybe nothing at all, maybe thankful that her troubles were  now over , her pain and mental anguish would stop as soon as her body hit the water , water that is as hard as concrete when falling into it at that speed . Water that scrambles your insides like scrambling an egg , smashes your brain into your skull , like hitting a wall at 80 miles an hour without an airbag . 

    Just as I saw the huge splash of white water fly up in a circle around her body  the Coast Guard was almost there . They must have seen her from their station to have launched the rescue boat so quickly .  She was quickly being pulled out under bridge by the very fast current that flows when the tide is going out . The Coast Guard boat circled and cut her off as they quickly scooped her body out of the fast flowing  current and zoomed off to the beach . Letterman hospital ( Military and no longer there ) was right there , just off the beach so they probably took her ther , maybe two minutes from the beach .

    I walked my bike back over the bridge to the bridge police offices. The officer's response was ...." Another one , Here you go , just fill out this incident statement and someone may be in touch , have a nice day ."  ( paraphrasing but close to verbatim ).

     The next day the California Highway Patrol called me at home and verified that I had witnessed the insident and there was nobody else involved , etc . He was much  nicer than the Bridge Police ( CHP are very courteous ) and heard my concern and trauma from what I had seen.  He said the woman had lived through the night but had succumbed to her injuries that morning . He said that when people fall, as she did , on their back there is little chance of surviving . When people manage to land feet first there is better than a slim chance of surviving with broken limbs , she didn't have much of a chance . He said her insides were all smashed up .  She had tried to kill herself before , he said there had been at least one other incident . 

     That was the day I realized that as they say , " where there is life there is hope ", when life is gone there can be NO hope , it's done and cannot be undone . Most of our life problems , mistakes , most of our fuck ups ( sorry , I'm Irish , the F word is just punctuation for Irish and English people !!! ) , most of the problems we create for ourselves or those  that are heaped on our shoulders without our participation or consent ...most of them can be fixed if given enough time . During that time we may be humiliated or fearful , stressed and depressed , sick and tired of being sick and tired as they say !!   None of those things, those feelings , those disappointments , the things you believe you will never get over , the failures whether personal or business ...none of them last as long as Being Dead !!!  If that lady had received counselling , or drug treatment or some other intervention she might be alive today , with children or grandchildren .  

      I have had many setbacks and failures , lost dreams and lost hopes and a lot of lost time when I felt so sorry for myself . When I felt that my pain was MINE , not yours , not the Other person with an Ostomy , sure they have their pain and suffering but that is Their burden , I have my own personal, unique burden , I am not built like them so my pain is different , unique to me so don't try to demonize me or make me feel guiolty about complaining about my pain . You deal with yours as you see fit and I will deal with my own as I see fit and right now I feel like my life has been stolen from me , my future is gone , I can Not and never will be loved for ME , how could anyone want or love ME , I'm a wreck physically and a bit or a wreck emotionally , who could want that , who would want to share that  ??

    I felt like that for quite a long time . I had my Vicoden to slow my output (  from my  J-Pouch ) , to stop me crying from the intractible pain in my ass caused by burning , scorching stomach acid . My paim was unlike anyone else's pain , my pain was different and I was very , very angry about this . Then I discovered that a few glasses of wine after the Vicoden was even better , I could actually eat without crying with pain in the bathroom as I shit lightning bolts and broken glass out my ass . This was not all the time but way too often to allow me to feel and be " Normal " . 

    Fast forward ......

    I looked at dating sites for Ostomates and was going to try and create one ( never got around to it lol )  . I wrote to lots of women and made some great long distance friends with whom I could share my fears , loves , hates and just general life stuff. 

    Then one day , out of the blue I hit the Jacpot , my ship finally came in and I had a personal invitation to climb aboard ....I found my other half, my Soulmate , my Lover and my Best Friend . 

This is way too long . I will save this as a Blog after I put it out here .  Have a look at my Blogs , If you feel interested and I LOVE to get comments . Everything I write is honest and true for good or bad and from my own personal experience . 

All the best to everyone . I hope the future has been good to you since you wrote about your misery as an Ostomate , I hope you found your life and you are living it .

Eamon,   aka  Magoo XOXO

Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:36 am


eddie wrote:

  I agree with my friend MaryA I also am an ole lady but I an't dead yet lot of young ladies should be glad to jump your bones!  I would just advise you to tell them what you have if necessary show & tell if she is turnned off hell you don't need her, if she is interested go for it, not to be too rude or crude, you still have all the right equipment.you can go on line for products that kinda hide the ole bag ( I'm not talking about me the ostomy bag) Hee Hee
Remember if the sex is good the wrapping paper doesn't matter
eddie

You guys are too funny!! 😂 Love a great sense of humor!! Besides, we gotta stick together! I found a bag that is round and no bigger than the wafer. It's opaque & lined. It's made esp for intimacy and even swimming/jacuzzi. There's no clip either. It's fantastic! I'm trying to upload a pic of the product but, it's not allowing me!! I'll post the pics of product in my profile & leave them there for a week or so!

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