Seeking advice on dating with a permanent ileostomy

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Irina250279

Hello, I'm new here and wanted to share my story and maybe get some advice.

I've got a permanent ileostomy in January 2018 due to UC. At that very moment, my relationship with my husband was not good for some years. Then I received a post-op space with some liquid and can't have sex until I fix it.

Because of all these troubles, now I have just my son who is 17 and a permanent ileostomy in my life. I will be glad to hear any ideas on how to meet an understanding person.

Past Member

I'm going through the same sort of thing, Irina. They tell me there are understanding guys out there...and I'm sure there are. It's finding them that's difficult. If you figure out a sure-fire way of doing that, please let me know! LOL. I'm sure everyone on this site who is single would like to know the secret. All I can say is for you to just go about meeting guys as you ordinarily would, and you're bound to run into the right one eventually. Don't focus on your ileostomy and try to keep in mind that you're a nice looking woman and one that any man in his right mind would like to get to know...ileostomy or no ileostomy. Good luck to you. You can do it!

Linda

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First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,450 members. Get inside and you will see.

It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.

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Puppyluv56

Hello, I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to have an ileostomy and be dating. I have noticed that a great number of people on this site are single or separated. I just hope that people are not so shallow that they leave when the going gets rough! I am grateful that my husband is here for the long haul! Colostomy and all! Maybe someone that is going through the same thing would be a good match for a friend or more. Any ostomy groups at your hospital? Good place to start, I guess. Sorry that you have to go through this. It is bad enough to have the health issue without it causing personal issues as well.

Puppyluv

Past Member

Yes, Puppyluv, you are lucky. I sure wish my husband were still alive. He would have been a great strength and would have made this whole thing a lot easier for me. I'm glad you're in a good marriage. We have no local ostomy group around here, unfortunately. Someone in the same condition certainly would be a good start...at least it would render the ostomy as a non-issue. That would really be nice.... Thanks for your empathy. I, and I'm sure Irina, appreciate it.

Puppyluv56

Weird new life.

I guess I walk on both sides of this issue because my husband has UC and I have been by his side for over 25 years. UC creates many challenges as well and it is just a part of our life as is now my colostomy. I cannot imagine leaving him because of it. My heart breaks for those that must deal with the health aspect of an ostomy but then to deal with the loss of your spouse because they were weak and moved on. Makes my blood boil!

Puppyluv

 
Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Past Member

Puppyluv,

Yes, I can sure agree with you about your feelings when someone loses a spouse because of a health issue that they have no control over. It's unimaginable to me how anyone could do that to someone they supposedly love. Talk about "kicking someone when they're down". Takes all kinds, I guess. About all I can say. We are both very lucky to have found a wonderful husband.

Irina250279

Thank you so much for such kind and right words!

Vangie

Hi, I have a permanent ostomy and I am a widow. I currently have a super bf and when I told him I have an ostomy, all he said was "no big deal." So far, no big deal. And btw, I'm 61 y o. Relax, people. Pick up your vibes. If you're uncomfortable, they will be too.

It's just a different way to poop for me, and hey, I survived cancer. Who cares what anybody thinks? I'm tough and alive. If people can't handle it, they are not worthy of you. Move on and know that the Lord has you in the palm of His hand.

Hermit

Have permanent colostomy due to rectal cancer! Am widowed after 40 years of marriage. Died during one of my surgeries! Bored and joined several dating sites! Dated numerous women! Only bothered telling the ones when there was some chemistry! One is living with me now. She says it's no big deal and we are very intimate and are having fun! The others also accepted it! If they don't, they're not worth being around! Keep trying and get out of the house! If you can, go to senior citizens group or the dating sites like POF! Good luck!

sculptorjohn

Hi Irina, have you investigated the possibility of getting a Koch Pouch? I had one performed in 1998, and for the next 7 years all I wore was a bandage that I removed 3 times a day to insert a tube to empty the contents. While I had it, I was able to work as a nude model at an art college, which I never would have imagined possible with a bag! It failed in 2005, partially due to my overzealous exercise program and partially due to the fact that there were complications from the 1998 operation. I might still have it if the surgeon's assistants had sewn me up properly. I'll link below to some information on it:
https://www.ouh.nhs.uk/patient-guide/leaflets/files/101101kochpouch.pdf

Renfromtexas
Reply to Vangie

Exactly.