Hello, I'm new here and wanted to share my story and maybe get some advice.
I've got a permanent ileostomy in January 2018 due to UC. At that very moment, my relationship with my husband was not good for some years. Then I received a post-op space with some liquid and can't have sex until I fix it.
Because of all these troubles, now I have just my son who is 17 and a permanent ileostomy in my life. I will be glad to hear any ideas on how to meet an understanding person.
I'm going through the same sort of thing, Irina. They tell me there are understanding guys out there...and I'm sure there are. It's finding them that's difficult. If you figure out a sure-fire way of doing that, please let me know! LOL. I'm sure everyone on this site who is single would like to know the secret. All I can say is for you to just go about meeting guys as you ordinarily would, and you're bound to run into the right one eventually. Don't focus on your ileostomy and try to keep in mind that you're a nice looking woman and one that any man in his right mind would like to get to know...ileostomy or no ileostomy. Good luck to you. You can do it!
Linda
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Well, I hit the two year mark. I went back and read my posts from when I first found this site. I was very fortunate in that I stumbled upon it only 4 weeks post op. I have said many times that this community really saved me. The first 2 weeks after my surgery I shut down completely. It wasn't until about the 3rd week that my son came in to my room, flicked on the light and told me I was going to have to get back to living because I was scaring him. I had fallen into such a depression. He ticked me off, but it also made me stop and think- what was I going to do? Feel sorry for myself and sulk, or be grateful I was alive.
I've re-read my journals from that time and it was after my son kicked my butt, so to speak, I took an honest inventory and had to dig deeper than I've ever had to. I mean, I had survived a pretty nasty divorce, after a pretty crappy marriage and that was tough. But this was different. I felt like I was now a handicapped person who would be limited in their life and be looked at as a freak. My mental state was precarious, at best.
But then I found this site. I just lurked a bit before posting. I read so many of the other stories and I started to see just how full my life can be, I was not handicapped, and certainly not a freak! The stories of survival, the sense of humor, the support and compassion was inspiring. It was then I made myself get out of the dark, and get my sh*t together.
Not all rainbows and sunshine at first, hardly! But with grace from myself - to myself, and the kindness and willingness of the folks here to be supportive, non judgemental and openly share intimate details about their life circumstances, l not only survived but thrived.
I think of all the years I had suffered with such extreme pain, barely functioning, and the many hospital stays and how that is all behind me now. (All fingers, toes, and legs crossed that I never have to go near a hospital for myself ever again. I think I'd rather have a fork stuck in my eye. I loathe every about them.)
So, to everyone who has been a part of this journey with me, to say thank you is not enough. I'm forever grateful to know you all. My Angels, each one of you.
And as the Grateful Dead famously said,
"what a long strange trip it's been!"
Im so happy I'm tripping with you all.
Hello, I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to have an ileostomy and be dating. I have noticed that a great number of people on this site are single or separated. I just hope that people are not so shallow that they leave when the going gets rough! I am grateful that my husband is here for the long haul! Colostomy and all! Maybe someone that is going through the same thing would be a good match for a friend or more. Any ostomy groups at your hospital? Good place to start, I guess. Sorry that you have to go through this. It is bad enough to have the health issue without it causing personal issues as well.
Puppyluv
Yes, Puppyluv, you are lucky. I sure wish my husband were still alive. He would have been a great strength and would have made this whole thing a lot easier for me. I'm glad you're in a good marriage. We have no local ostomy group around here, unfortunately. Someone in the same condition certainly would be a good start...at least it would render the ostomy as a non-issue. That would really be nice.... Thanks for your empathy. I, and I'm sure Irina, appreciate it.
Weird new life.
I guess I walk on both sides of this issue because my husband has UC and I have been by his side for over 25 years. UC creates many challenges as well and it is just a part of our life as is now my colostomy. I cannot imagine leaving him because of it. My heart breaks for those that must deal with the health aspect of an ostomy but then to deal with the loss of your spouse because they were weak and moved on. Makes my blood boil!
Puppyluv
Puppyluv,
Yes, I can sure agree with you about your feelings when someone loses a spouse because of a health issue that they have no control over. It's unimaginable to me how anyone could do that to someone they supposedly love. Talk about "kicking someone when they're down". Takes all kinds, I guess. About all I can say. We are both very lucky to have found a wonderful husband.
Hi, I have a permanent ostomy and I am a widow. I currently have a super bf and when I told him I have an ostomy, all he said was "no big deal." So far, no big deal. And btw, I'm 61 y o. Relax, people. Pick up your vibes. If you're uncomfortable, they will be too.
It's just a different way to poop for me, and hey, I survived cancer. Who cares what anybody thinks? I'm tough and alive. If people can't handle it, they are not worthy of you. Move on and know that the Lord has you in the palm of His hand.
Have permanent colostomy due to rectal cancer! Am widowed after 40 years of marriage. Died during one of my surgeries! Bored and joined several dating sites! Dated numerous women! Only bothered telling the ones when there was some chemistry! One is living with me now. She says it's no big deal and we are very intimate and are having fun! The others also accepted it! If they don't, they're not worth being around! Keep trying and get out of the house! If you can, go to senior citizens group or the dating sites like POF! Good luck!
Hi Irina, have you investigated the possibility of getting a Koch Pouch? I had one performed in 1998, and for the next 7 years all I wore was a bandage that I removed 3 times a day to insert a tube to empty the contents. While I had it, I was able to work as a nude model at an art college, which I never would have imagined possible with a bag! It failed in 2005, partially due to my overzealous exercise program and partially due to the fact that there were complications from the 1998 operation. I might still have it if the surgeon's assistants had sewn me up properly. I'll link below to some information on it:
https://www.ouh.nhs.uk/patient-guide/leaflets/files/101101kochpouch.pdf
