Reflecting on Loss and Gratitude as an Ostomate

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3519
Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 11:55 am

I woke this morning so full of love, thinking of those who were placed in my life and loved me, which definitely helped me become the person I am.

Deaths: There are so many kinds of feelings that follow after a death. Each one is different and yet takes a piece of me each time. Thirty-nine years ago, I lost my son. "Oh My," I feel that loss

as if it were yesterday. I'm thankful to live, but I will never forget those who are gone. I'm now facing yet another death—a marriage of 34 years, not counting the time we dated.

We as ostomates experience death when we lose our organs. I read your posts and I feel your pain; you are not alone. Also, a different feeling—yet a loss.

Listen, this is not a goodbye, just expressing what I feel. I want to thank those who have touched my life in so many ways. I thank you for your friendship and guidance.

As we approach the holidays, enjoy your families, friends, etc. (Embrace Life)

Take care,

Angelicamarie

Pirrip
Nov 17, 2018 12:19 pm

Love is the answer, now what was the question?

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Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 12:35 pm

Pirrip.... yes yes yes!!!

ukmaninusa
Nov 17, 2018 1:18 pm

You brought tears to my eyes this A.M. Bless you Angelicmarie, you're loved x

Puppyluv56
Nov 17, 2018 1:59 pm

Good morning, Angel,

I am sorry for your loss! I too have lost a son and a marriage and know the pain of both. Something that stays with you for the rest of your life. You are an amazingly strong woman, and I wish you the best!

 

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Play
Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 2:19 pm

ukmaninusa.. Thank you!! May God bless you also!

Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 2:22 pm

Puppyluv...Thank you, I also have a living daughter. I'm blessed. Never do I want to leave her out, for that's my baby too... (Smile) I had to read that again, “oh” dearest Puppyluv, my heart goes out to you! I too am sorry for your loss!

 

xnine
Nov 17, 2018 3:37 pm

Stay strong.

Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 3:42 pm

Thank you! Just emotional today, but so very grateful.

bowsprit
Nov 17, 2018 4:07 pm

Well done as usual, Angelica Marie. Greetings from far away. What, no songs to listen to this time?

Bill
Nov 17, 2018 4:19 pm

Hello Angelicamarie.

Thank you once again for a very poignant post. This time it resurrected feelings which I felt I had well under control for many years. However, whilst we may control many of the outward symptoms, it is much more difficult to contain that which is still active and alive under the surface, remaining oh so ready to jump out at us with any chink of that emotional door opening.

I have written a number of verses in my efforts to document and make sense of personal loss but there is still much to express in this regard, except that the revisiting and the nostalgia seems just as raw and painful as when it first happened. I'll share just one of poems I wrote in 2012 trying to get my head around this subject, although the painful event was way back in the 1960's it took me that long to feel I had the strength to face the issue in rhyming form.

Best wishes

Bill

 

LOSS 2.

There is no other loss I knew.
Can compare with the loss of you.
Your loss was way beyond belief.
And nothing could displace my grief.

‘Twas because you meant to me.
Everything that could ever be.
When you were there things were just right.
You were my sunshine’s ray of light.

I knew right from the very start.
You’d found a place within my heart.
Although I did not let you know.
I did not want to let you go.

Your unconventionality.
And your great personality.
All those things you did and said.
Feel lost forever now you’re dead.

One thing I miss as I recall.
Is the way you could enthral.
I miss having you close by.
I miss the twinkle in your eye.

I do not think that it was wrong.
That when you went I cried so long.
I felt I was no longer whole.
And nothing would my heart console.

It was an unexpected shock.
And certainly my greatest knock.
A personal catastrophe.
Now part of my biography.

There’s bound to be a personal cost.
When someone close to you is lost.
It’s hard to tell what that will be.
Until they’re gone and then you’ll see.

B. Withers 2012

 

Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 5:15 pm

Bill, thank you, that was beautiful.

Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 5:32 pm

bowsprit... I'm so sorry, I didn't see your comment. Thank you, my friend, no, not today. (Smile)

bowsprit
Nov 17, 2018 6:07 pm

No problem, the songs can wait for another day. If I may quote Kahlil Gibran: If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart

wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

Angelicamarie
Nov 17, 2018 6:14 pm

Bowsprit... Wonderful, thanks for sharing!

dls
Nov 17, 2018 6:55 pm

Angelicamarie, if I read your post correctly, your marriage is dissolving. Is he crazy? You've weathered the loss of a child, incomprehensible to me... such pain, the pain of a life you created in love, then taken. I can't even think about it. It is not our place to comment on things we don't understand, or do not wish to share. All we know is that your marriage is not in a good place. Tell us only what you want, and remember that no one on this site will judge, WAIT, yes we will—we will all be on your side!

You are a beautiful woman with a wonderful gift with words and ideas, whatever happens, don't leave this site—your posts often change my day from horrible (when I'm feeling sorry for myself) to terrific. You are a caring person and you 'do', not just talk. I know many on this site absolutely love your posts—would like to hear your Kentucky accent, though.

As one who was so briefly married to my true soulmate and life partner, I can understand the pain of loss. I cannot understand the agony of LEAVING after many years. I'll end as I began: Is he crazy?

 

Xerxes
Nov 19, 2018 1:32 am

Oh Angel, so beautifully said!

 

X_

Angelicamarie
Nov 19, 2018 3:48 am

Dls.. Ty for your comments.

Angelicamarie
Nov 19, 2018 3:50 am

Xerxes... Thank you.

looking forward
Nov 25, 2018 12:39 am
sometimes life is cruel and sad but you seem to be taking it well
Angelicamarie
Nov 25, 2018 8:55 am

Looking forward... That's very true, and I have my days. The storms do come! I know if I can just hold on, the sun will shine. Hope you have a wonderful day!

Thanks,

Angelicamarie

iMacG5
Dec 05, 2018 11:40 pm

Hi Angel. I just read your post and was disappointed I didn’t see it sooner.Then I thought, “Why?” Would I have had better words to offer? Would I have felt your losses more profoundly or more empathically? Would I have made you any happier? The word “No” probably answers all those questions and I’m sorry for that. I haven’t experienced losses like yours and I thank God for that. At the same time I ask God why He/She allowed you to suffer those losses. Oops, I’m not blaming God and why the heck should I understand how anything should happen to anyone? It is what it is and some of us are strong enough to survive, pick up the pieces and share their goodness and compassion with other deserving folks. You’re one of those survivors, Angel. All of us here are fortunate to have made your acquaintance. None of us can feel your pain as you do regardless of our own experiences. Just know, if we could, many of us would gladly do whatever we could to provide you comfort. Please know you are loved and, in time, you’ll only be stronger.
With reverence,
Mike

Angelicamarie
Dec 05, 2018 11:59 pm

iMacG5... I thank you for your kindness!!

Angel