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41,405 members
Apr 16, 2021

Why am I feeling overwhelmed with my stoma after 2 years? Need advice.

This topic is about someone who has been living with a stoma for two years and is now feeling overwhelmed and stuck. They are searching for answers and companionship, as they haven't met anyone else with a stoma and are unsure how to move forward. Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. Emotional normalcy and self-acceptance
- It's normal for emotional challenges to arise months or even years after surgery.
- Try to embrace both your past and present self, thinking of yourself as an improved version rather than just an "ostomate."
- Understand the difference between feeling lonely and being depressed. If you suspect depression, reach out to your GP or stoma nurse for support.

2. Professional and peer help
- Talk about your feelings with a GP, stoma nurse, or counselor.
- Consider joining local ostomy associations or online communities for support, as they can be incredibly helpful.

3. Daily life strategy
- Reconnect with hobbies, volunteer work, or activities that bring you joy and make you feel interesting.
- Focus on building a routine and finding purpose beyond your ostomy.

4. Companionship and dating
- Work on rebuilding your self-confidence before looking for a partner.
- When you're ready, don't limit yourself to dating only other ostomates; many people are understanding once trust is established.
- Take your time before sharing your ostomy with new partners; let them get to know you first.
- Some people find success on nurse-focused dating sites, as nurses often understand medical issues, though experiences can vary.
- There are success stories of people finding supportive partners, sometimes even through online communities.

5. Coping tools for now
- If dating feels overwhelming, consider getting a pet for companionship while you focus on emotional healing.
- Remember that setbacks are temporary, and with time, acceptance and opportunities for friendship or love will come.
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