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Oct 15, 2021

Seeking Advice - Dating with Scars, Stoma, and Reactions - How to Approach the Topic?

This topic is about navigating the world of dating when living with a stoma, dealing with severe scarring, and experiencing sexual dysfunction. It can be challenging to know when and how to share these personal details with a potential partner. Here are some thoughtful pieces of advice and insights to consider:

1. Consider dating older or more mature individuals who might be more understanding and open to exploring non-intercourse forms of intimacy and romance.

2. Remember that intimacy encompasses more than just physical acts. Look for partners who appreciate tenderness, empathy, and emotional connections.

3. Try using niche online dating sites that focus on people with disabilities or medical conditions. These platforms often have users who are more accepting, and you can usually try them out for free. Be prepared for a high volume of messages.

4. Project confidence in your dating profile and interactions. For example, post a photo and control when and how you disclose personal information. If a date seems to be progressing too quickly, it might be a sign to slow things down. When you feel a genuine connection, share your situation gradually and encourage questions. A respectful partner will respond with support.

5. Seek a medical evaluation from an oncological OB/GYN, as they are often familiar with issues related to scarring and painful sex after surgeries or cancer treatments. Specialized care has helped others regain comfortable intimacy.

6. Protect yourself from online negativity:
- Spend several weeks chatting online before meeting in person.
- Arrange your first meeting in a public place and consider bringing a friend for safety.
- On the second date, you might mention having an abdominal "wound" or needing to wear a corset without going into details about the ostomy.
- Share full details only when intimacy is likely to occur. Pay attention to how the person reacts and whether their interest remains genuine.
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