This topic is about a mother seeking advice on how to support her 42-year-old son, who recently had emergency ileostomy surgery due to Crohn’s disease. The surgery was sudden, and he is now facing emotional challenges and recurrent urinary tract infections. The family, including his fiancée and children, is eager to help him regain his confidence and adjust to this new chapter in his life. Here are some insights and advice that might be helpful:

1. Adjustment Timeline
- Everyone adjusts at their own pace; it might take weeks or even months to regain confidence.
- The lack of preparation before surgery can make the mental adjustment more challenging and may extend the time needed to adapt.

2. Emotional and Practical Support
- Show unconditional acceptance of his ileostomy; knowing that his family accepts the stoma can be very reassuring.
- Be supportive but encourage independence; help him engage in everyday activities like going out for coffee or doing the school run to rebuild confidence.
- Consider using "tough love" if he becomes too withdrawn, but balance it with understanding and patience.

3. Physical Precautions and Care
- Advise him to avoid heavy lifting, including picking up the children, to prevent hernia risks.
- Understand that pelvic pain and difficulty urinating are common after abdominal surgery and usually improve over time.
- Consult a doctor about medications like Flomax (tamsulosin) to help with urinary issues.
- A stoma nurse can offer valuable advice on care and appliance management.

4. Mental-Health Strategies
- Remind him that the surgery might have alleviated Crohn’s pain and could improve his quality of life in the long run.
- Normalize feelings of shame or anxiety; emphasize that an ostomy is a medical change, not something to be hidden.
- Recognize that emotional healing often follows physical healing, requiring patience and determination.

5. Community Resources
- Encourage him to join an online ostomy forum for support, advice, and shared experiences.
- If he’s hesitant, suggest starting with private messages to connect with others one-on-one.
- Reading about others’ experiences with appliance choices, skin care, and managing leaks can help reduce feelings of isolation and speed up the learning process.

6. General Reassurance
- Having supportive people around him, along with time and practice, will help him find his "new normal."
- The family’s support is his greatest asset as he navigates both physical recovery and mental adaptation.