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41,403 members
Sep 16, 2011

Struggling with Dating After Surgery - Feeling Hopeless and Alone

The topic at hand is about the challenges and emotions involved in dating after having an ostomy surgery. The person sharing their story has not dated since their surgery 18 months ago and feels hopeless about finding love, fearing rejection due to their ostomy bag. They are dealing with additional health issues like Crohn’s disease, psoriasis, and arthritis, which have significantly impacted their lifestyle. Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others who have been through similar experiences:

1. Self-acceptance is key. It's important to be comfortable with yourself first. Remember, the ostomy is just a change in your body's plumbing.

2. You are not alone. Many people around the world live with ostomies, and there are online communities that offer support and show that life continues positively.

3. Dating and finding love after surgery is possible. There are many success stories of people dating and marrying partners who fully accept their ostomy. Some have found love on general dating sites, while others have used ostomy-specific platforms.

4. If someone cannot see past the ostomy, they are not the right person for you. Rejection based on your ostomy can help you quickly identify who is not worth your time.

5. Deciding when to disclose your ostomy is personal. Some choose to share this information only when intimacy seems likely, while others prefer to disclose early to avoid surprises. Choose the approach that feels right for you.

6. Practical tips for intimacy include using pouch covers to make both you and your partner more comfortable. Building trust through hugs and kisses before discussing the ostomy can also help.

7. Your mindset and attitude matter. Being resilient and focusing on your interests and social activities can be attractive qualities. Remember, the ostomy does not define you.

8. Emotional and mental health is important. While venting is normal, prolonged feelings of rage or despair might require professional help or support from trusted friends. Community members are often willing to listen and offer support.

9. Medical questions, such as the possibility of a reversal, should be discussed with your surgical team to explore all available options.

10. A side discussion shared a news link about potential treatments for multiple sclerosis, highlighting the importance of staying informed about health advancements.
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