Only thing I have to say is ....YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THIS SIGHT. We all deserved better, but have to play with the cards we were dealt. There are some MUCH younger and sicker than you or I. We all feel your pain, frustration and fear. You haven't cornered the market on self-pity either.
If you're alone or isolated, change it. You can't change whats happened to your body,
BUT......... YOU CAN CHANGE HOW YOU LIVE WITH IT. It's the one thing that you DO have complete control over buddy.
No one understands more than we do. We're here to listen and I'm personally honored when someone feels safe enough to share their feelings with me. I too was afraid and lonely when I accidently found this site looking for supplies. I'm still amazed by the shear numbers of us around the world. It gave me hope , assured me that I had the right to look forward instead of backwards, consider all the possibilities, but more than that, I had to accept that I lost my colon not my brain or heart ....my future is MY responsibility.
I'm so glad you decided to rant today, makes me feel better just knowing you remembered we were here.......YOU ARE NEVER ALONE...there's an army of us!!!!
Your ostomy sister, BEG
Death, to you ... and to each and all of us. I hope you keep reading. There are amazing stories of dating, relationships, love, and acceptance.
prognosis is. Will you be able to have a reversal? Do you have friends that are
empathetic towards you?
I hear this a lot from souls concerned about dating. It seems to
me that while reading between the lines that most mates who are complaining
about being an osteomate are concerned about their date finding out about the bag and them rejecting them. Ain't but two ways your date is going to find out about the bag 1. you tell them...which seems silly to me, or 2. they find out another way, which usually consists of a sexual encounter. It is possible to have a dating experience with out even mentioning the fact that you have "the bag"
I probably am a a lot older than you, but I understand the "date" thing. Time to "man up"
and if you are sincere, date without baring your soul or another part of your anatomy.
BEG, I've been seeing alot of your posts lately, agree with everything of yours that I've read and feel both inspired by and envious of your serenity and acceptance of your situation. You seem to know just what to say, regardless of the topic. I'm a few years older than you, but going by how you sound, I'd guess your ostomy age is older than my 2 1/2 years. You're one of the people on this site I want to be as my ostomy grows up if I don't get a reversal and don't lose my sanity. Thank you for your words and your wisdom.
|"That's the way there Welshman, OUTSTANDING !!!" I couldn't be happier for you. I can honestly say that I have never loved nor been loved more than now. Just further proof that you never give up. BE be the kind of person that you want to be with, and it's amazing how things can change..... |
I do believe you should ignore the ostomy more. It is hard, but get out, get social, and forget the bag. Be normal. You never have to tell someone about the bag until you think the relationship is heading towards sex. Save sex for later... when you've developed a great rapport. Hug, kiss, and adore a woman, if you want, but wait until you know you want to trust her before you reveal the bag. I am sure someone who loves you will not mind it at all.
Love yourself. Know that you are lovable.
If I were your age, and lived in your city, I'd love to date you. And I'm picky. So if I would, I know many other women would, too. And... all it takes is one, you know. You just need to meet one.
Good luck. You are worth loving. Know that! And find someone you want to GIVE love to. THere are other lonely people, you know. SOmeone out there needs to be loved. Find her.
May God Bless everyone as He has blessed me. Elshevia.
I am a Registered Nurse AND a Retired Community Midwife.
I too, along with many others here struggle with Crohn's (and other disease process's) and the lovely flairs. Arthritis joint involvement is just an associated sidekick along with the occassional unexplainable seizure type episodes, numbness, tingling sensations and swelling, compounding by fatigue, pain and nausea. Thanks to steroids, I have an inoperable bleeding heart valve, hypertension and reoccuring shingles. Like you, I've succumbed to total frustration and depression at times.
Just want you to know that what you're feeling is "normal", and no one is judging you. I just don't want it to keep you down too long, okay? There is "life" before, during and after illness. You may not "Power Walk" today, but never underestimate what tomorrow may bring...........
On your side, I promise....BEG
I am wallowing around in my own stuff today - self pity. I have my list of issues as do we all. Speaking only for myself, my stoma stuff is so far down my list that it has almost no significance. It is almost equal to a stubbed toe - really irritating - nothing more.
MS is probably my most accurate current diagnosis. And I really don't care what they call it. Pain and misery is unrelenting. Every cell of my body in pain all the time. I took pain pills all week to be able to be with visiting family, pretending to be 'fine', and now I am off everything again - second day with nothing more than Excedrin. Difficulties seem overwhelming. They are not, it just feels that way.
I just talked with a friend and she reminded me that we essentially have two options. We can change the situation or change ourselves. The situation for most of us isn't changeable. So that leaves one option. We change ourselves. We accomodate the situation. I change ME.
Some days I change 'me' into an upbeat positive person like others on this site. Just now I am wallowing in my misery. I will tire of that and will return to the better option of positive forward thinking before too long. I hate all all the things I can't do.
I hate giving up my small RV and my freedom to travel because I can't even manage that anymore. I hate requiring help. But I love doing my small art projects and writing my stories. I am working on the things I love and pushing the things I hate back in some distant place in my mind and feelings. I am working to remember the things I can do and focus less on what I can't do.
Thank you all for being here to listen and share. I know none of my issues are worse than any of yours. It is all just a bit heavy today. But getting lighter by the minute as I recreate my space and me. I am posting a couple of new art zentangles on my profile. Silence.
Feel better soon, BEG
I went to the bootstrap metaphor after listening to a political commentary about our Gov Perry. One in five Texans lives in poverty. Many more problems. Solution.... "those people just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps". As if I (or anyone) would simply choose poverty and never feel overwhelmed by life.
I am just letting you know that I have a finger in each strap and am getting closer to pulling myself out of my muck. The position is a bit awkward but it is a start. I don't know whether to go for one foot at a time or try with both feet. Seems like I need a stable surface where I can put that freed foot. So just now I am looking for something stable - anything.
Maybe later I will tell you how to get out of those boots. I may not have helped anyone else today but I have given myself a laugh just thinking about Texans, my dad, grandpa, and bootstraps - the answer to everything.