This topic is about providing support and guidance for gay men who are living with ostomies. It addresses the feelings of being different and isolated after surgery and offers advice and insights from others who have been through similar experiences.

1. Finding Peer Support
- Many gay ostomates, along with some lesbian and straight individuals, are open to private conversations to share their experiences, ranging from recent surgeries to living with an ostomy for over 40 years.
- Consider joining local support groups, such as those in Dayton, OH, or a new one forming in London.
- Explore online resources like the Gay & Lesbian Ostomates branch of the UOAA, which offers a monthly newsletter.

2. Dating & Disclosure
- It's common to feel anxious about when and how to disclose your ostomy to a potential partner. Many suggest focusing on building a genuine relationship first and letting intimacy develop naturally.
- Confidence is key: if you are comfortable, your partner is more likely to be as well.
- There are success stories of long-term relationships, including some lasting over 20 years.
- Understand that while some people may not be accepting, the right partner will appreciate you for who you are.

3. Body Image & Self-Worth
- Remember that having an ostomy or being gay does not diminish your value.
- Boost your confidence by staying fit, wearing clothes that make you feel good, and gradually facing public situations like gang showers or nude beaches.

4. Sex After an Ostomy
- Prioritize health by waiting at least six weeks after surgery (or as advised by your surgeon) before resuming anal sex, and start gently.
- There is no medically approved "artificial anus" after the removal of the rectum/anus.
- Avoid inserting objects or allowing penetration into the stoma to prevent serious injury.
- An ostomy pouch is generally safe during intercourse; practical tips include emptying it beforehand, using a support belt or pouch cover, and choosing secure positions.
- Creativity and open communication can maintain a satisfying intimate life, with many reporting active sex lives for decades post-surgery.

5. Erectile & Ejaculatory Issues After Pelvic Surgery
- If oral medications like Viagra or Cialis are ineffective, consult a urologist for alternatives such as penile injections, vacuum erection devices, or topical creams.
- After bladder or prostate removal, loss of ejaculation is expected, but orgasm without ejaculation is still possible.

6. Emotional Well-Being
- Rejection can be tough, but it's important to focus on your health and self-respect.
- Remember the life-saving aspect of your ostomy and surround yourself with supportive people.

7. Healing & Physical Recovery
- Regaining core strength and flexibility can take time, so be patient with activities like bending and lifting.
- Gradual exercise, guided by medical advice, can help restore mobility and confidence.

8. Ongoing Offers
- Several individuals are open to direct contact for more detailed discussions on topics like appliances, dating strategies, sexual techniques, and daily life with an ileostomy or colostomy.