Living with a permanent ileostomy can bring about a whirlwind of emotions and lifestyle changes. It’s a journey that involves adapting to new physical and emotional realities. Here’s a story of someone who has been through a lot: a long history of severe IBS, surgeries, and finally, a permanent ileostomy. Despite being grateful for certain aspects, like not having cancer and being able to eat (albeit on a restricted diet), there are still many challenges to face:

- Limited stamina and pain make it difficult to stand or engage in high activity at work, though her employer allows her to sit.
- She experiences depression, guilt over the financial strain on her husband, and a loss of intimacy, as there has been no sexual activity since the problems began.
- A sudden surge of anger was triggered by a young co-worker’s insensitive comment about wishing he had her condition so he could sit. She managed to control her impulse to lash out but was disturbed by the intensity of her feelings.
- She struggles with looking at her stoma in the mirror and misses her former diet, clothing options, and active lifestyle.

She is seeking advice on handling anger, reshaping a “normal” life, and processing mixed emotions without knowing “who to be angry with.” Here are some insights and advice that might help:

1. Understand that your emotional reactions are typical stages of grieving a loss. Anger often surfaces after an extended period of coping, and recognizing this can help normalize what you’re feeling.
2. Keep expressing your feelings in writing—journal entries, forum posts, or poetry. This allows you to revisit them later from a calmer perspective and serves as a practical self-therapy tool.
3. Regular venting is healthy. Consider short-term counseling with a therapist or psychologist experienced in loss and adjustment; professional sessions can accelerate the healing process.
4. While a supportive spouse can listen, sometimes couples need outside help to prevent unintentional hurt. An objective third party allows you to release anger without affecting loved ones.
5. Ask yourself structured questions and answer them logically; self-interviewing can yield the most personally relevant solutions.
6. Creative outlets, like writing rhyming verse, have helped others process depression, anger, and PTSD-like symptoms developed after major surgeries.
7. When co-workers make insensitive remarks, remember that many simply lack understanding. Older or similarly challenged colleagues can be safer confidants; younger individuals often mature with experience.
8. Online communities provide peer support that was once hard to find. The United Ostomy Associations of America site (UOAA.org) is another valuable resource.
9. Decide carefully whom you tell about your ostomy; some people will empathize, while others may respond awkwardly. Protect your own emotional energy.
10. Step away from triggering situations rather than reacting on the spot; physical distance helps diffuse immediate anger.
11. Regarding sexuality, ask your husband to take an active, patient role in rekindling intimacy. Clear communication about what you need—time, reassurance, gradual physical affection—can restore confidence and a sense of femininity.
12. Give yourself permission to complain; bottling up negativity increases resentment. This forum is a judgment-free space to share the hard parts of life with a bag.