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Apr 07, 2018

Dating with an Ileostomy: Acceptance and Self-Image Concerns

This topic is about navigating the world of dating when you have a permanent ileostomy. It focuses on self-acceptance and building confidence, which can be challenging but rewarding. Here are some helpful pieces of advice and insights:

1. Allow yourself time for emotional adjustment. Accepting a lifelong ileostomy is a personal journey. While the surgery is life-saving, it takes time to mentally adapt. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Sometimes, "faking it till you make it" can help in building confidence.

2. Remember that everyone has insecurities. A stoma is just one of many things people learn to live with. Your attitude can greatly influence how others perceive it.

3. Engage in self-care and activities that boost your confidence. Continue with hobbies, social events, clothing styles, and workouts that make you feel good. If applicable, irrigation can help you feel more in control.

4. Dress for comfort and concealment if you prefer. Consider wearing a tight tank or support garment under loose, darker, patterned, or camo tops. Jackets, overalls, or an intimacy wrap can help conceal the pouch. You might find the "Intimacy Wrap" from ostomysecrets.com useful for discreet support.

5. Decide when and how to disclose your ileostomy. You have options:
- Mention it in online dating profiles so anyone who contacts you is already aware.
- Wait until a relationship becomes serious or intimacy is imminent, then discuss it naturally. Many people find that partners are understanding once they know.

6. Reframe your ileostomy as a form of liberation rather than a limitation. Enjoy the freedom from urgent bathroom trips, pain, and certain medical risks like colon cancer or colonoscopies. You can travel, swim, snorkel, lift (within reasonable limits), and live a normal life.

7. Prepare for practical concerns. Keep supplies handy to manage rare nighttime leaks or "blow-outs." Establish routines to minimize noise and odor during intimate moments.

8. Seek support and perspective. Online forums and local ostomy groups can offer shared experiences, tips, and reassurance that dating and long-term relationships are possible at any age.

9. Remember, your ileostomy does not define you. Confidence, honesty, and self-acceptance are key to success in dating.
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